Page 35 of Xel: Broken Bond
After we’d eaten, then fed Bribie and Mr Beans, I wandered into the living room, where the two animals had once more curled up on the rug together. “I need to spend some time reading the manual Aiden gave me,” I told Xel. He looked tired, which was totally reasonable. We’d had a hard day’s work with no real breaks aside from lunch. “I really need to understand more about dimari and it’s not fair on you if I just keep blundering about in ignorance. Is there anything you want to watch or read?” I knew I was breaking the rule about asking a dimari what they wanted. But Xel had expressed enough preferences over the last couple of days that I was willing to risk it and see what happened.
“No, sir,” he said, polite as always. “I think I’ll go to bed, if that’s all right? It’s been a long day.”
“Yeah, absolutely,” I agreed. “Thank you for your help today,” I added, remembering that I was supposed to praise him on a regular basis. “I’m really pleased with what we got done on the barn. It’s a hell of a lot nicer having someone else to work with.”
I’d expected a bashful smile at the comment, or perhaps even a cocky smirk. Xel was certainly not lacking in confidence, though he stopped well short of becoming arrogant. But instead, I caught a telltale ripple of violet across his collarbones as his scales changed colour. It seemed to happened whenever he was feeling anxious or uncomfortable, which was certainly not a normal reaction to being praised by his master.
“Thank you, sir,” he said, though it came out a little stiffly. “Good night.”
He disappeared down the hall, leaving me wondering what the hell that had been all about. Was it related to his reaction to Rose’s calf last night? I still hadn’t gotten to the bottom of whatever had happened there. Had I dumped too much stress on him with my ramble about my scars and wanting an ecology lab in the barn? Or was he genuinely just tired?
I shook my head. Sitting here pondering the possibilities wasn’t going to get me any answers, so I activated my comm and pulled up the document Aiden had given me. I should have read this days ago, but there had been so much going on. Still, it was past time I got a handle on all the various things Xel needed, so that I could stop just guessing at everything all the time.
I started at the beginning, forcing myself to read Aiden’s placid reassurances that everything was going to be fine, then slowly diving into the nitty gritty of dimari psychology, determined to keep reminding myself that Aiden was the expert, and that I needed to keep an open mind.
◊◊◊
Two hours later, I sat gaping at the page, unable to believe what I’d just read. I skimmed over the last paragraph again, and flowery apologies aside, the message Aiden was giving his readers remained perfectly clear, right there in black and white, expressed in the simplest language possible.
No. No fucking way.
I jabbed at the buttons on my comm, only forcing myself to slow down when I pulled up the wrong screen three times in a row. Finally, though, I managed to find Aiden’s contact details, and I hit dial without another thought. Yes, it was late at night. Yes, I was furious. But I needed answers, damn it, and I-
Two second later, I hit the ‘cancel call’ button, as one thought occurred to me that was more important than all the others. It wasabsolutelyimperative that Xel not overhear this conversation. And for all that I was confident he was currently asleep in bed, I wasn’t prepared to risk him waking up in the middle of this conversation, or needing to use the bathroom, or suddenly deciding he wanted a drink of water.
I stood up, my heart pounding as I forced myself to go through the normal routine of securing the house for the night. I checked the lock on the front door – a paranoid habit, rather than a necessity, given how far away we were from the nearest property. I turned off the living room light, seeing that Mr Beans was already missing – curled up next to Xel in bed, most likely. Bribie staggered to his feet and padded off down the hall… and I found myself offering up a prayer of thanks for the fact that I’d thought twice before calling Aiden. Xel’s bedroom door was slightly open – just enough to let a furry friend in or out – and if I’d started ranting at Aiden in the living room, it would have been very easy for him to overhear me.
I considered going into my own bedroom, but there was only one wall between me and Xel, and if he was awake, he might be able to overhear me. So instead, I shut myself in the spare bedroom where Leesha had slept last night, with the hallway giving me another couple of metres of space between us. And then I deliberately ignored the fact that it was past ten o’clock at night and dialled Aiden.
A good four or five rings passed before the call was answered, and I got a flash of bare chest, then a sideways image of a pillow, before the image jostled to display a plain wall, and then finally, it focused on Aiden’s face. He looked a wreck. He had bags under his eyes and it was clear I’d just woken him from sleep. “Oh, fucking hell,” he grumbled, when he saw me, but I got the impression he was complaining more because I’d woken him up than because it was me, specifically. He looked to his right, at something off the screen. “Kade, can you…?”
“I’ll go and sleep in the spare room,” a soft voice replied, and I heard the rustle of bedsheets.
Aiden waited a moment, then turned back to face me. “What’s up? I take it that it’s urgent, given the time of night?”
“I’m not having sex with Xel,” I blurted out, remembering at the last second to keep my voice down. “Absolutely not. That’s just…absolutelyinsane. You can’t expect every dimari owner to agree to using their dimari like a… Well, you know, don’t you? He’s an erotic companion. You knew that, didn’t you?” I was riled up like I’d never been before in my life. “You knew that he was a fuckingsex slavewhen you brought him to me?”
“Yes, I did,” Aiden said simply, in the sort of tone that said he thought he was talking to an idiot.
“Yeah, cos you’re the fucking dimari expert, aren’t you? You can’t take someone who was trained and sold as a sex slave and then demand that they have sex with you. It’s absolutely devoid of any morality whatsoever!”
Belatedly, the scene in his bedroom when I’d woken him up replayed in my head, and in my outrage and confusion, I’d completely missed the fact that… “Oh my god, you make Kade sleep with you, don’t you?” I meant it in both the literal and euphemistic ways.
The image jostled as Aiden sat up more fully. “I don’tmakehim do anything. We’ve spent a very long time learning to understand each other, and if you’d read past the page in the manual that said you need to have sex with Xel, you’d have got to the bit that explains in detail how to determine whether or not a dimari is consenting. Because it’s nothing like as black and white as most people assume it is.”
The words pulled me up, and I sighed. “Yeah, I know,” I said. I was still annoyed, but at least on that detail, I could agree with him. “Xel and I sort of had that conversation. But the way he explained it was that I can’t order him to do anything he really doesn’t want to, because I’m not his real master. If a dimari’s bonded to you, then that’s not the case.”
Aiden yawned and rubbed his eyes. “When I first adopted Kade, I believed the same thing. I had all these good intentions of rehabilitating him and refusing to use him as a sentient sex toy. But then I did a whole heap of research on the subject, and the absolutely horrifying fact is that up until about a year and a half ago, the average life expectancy for any dimari on Rendol 4 was six months. After that, they all committed suicide because they were so damn miserable. And I’ve spent the last year and a half teaching every dimari owner I can find how torespectfullyhave sex with their dimari, and since I started doing that, we haven’t lost a single one.” His eyes bored into me through the holographic image. “Sex is one of the most intrinsic rewards a dimari can receive. There’s no way around this. And if you need any more evidence on that front, then know this; Xel worked for your uncle for three years. That’ssix times longerthan theiraverage life span, prior to me writing this damned manual, and when I questioned him on the specifics of that, he made it very clear that his master was having sex with him on a regular basis. Based on everything I know about the dimari, that single detail is the only one that could explain why he didn’t descend into a pit of despair like every other dimari on the planet.”
He paused to allow that to sink in. But I couldn’t get his explanation to sit comfortably in my mind. “I don’t understand,” I said honestly, trying to stay as calm as I could manage. “He was forcibly trained as a sex slave, and somehow the only way to make him happy is to continue exploiting him? I’m not being difficult here; I genuinely can’t see how that could possibly help.”
“Most people struggle with it at first,” Aiden said, and at last he was conceding that I hadsomereason to be upset. “Because from our perspective, we see it as exploitation. But the thing is, the Eumadians train the dimari based on the talents they display a natural affinity for. Xel was chosen to be trained as an erotic companion because he has a naturally high sex drive and he likes spending time with people. Heenjoyssexual activity. I’m not saying that gives us a right to exploit him, but it’s far more a reward for him than an imposition. But aside from that…” He hesitated, and I could see the cogs working in his mind. “Your circumstances with Xel are a little different from most. And I apologise once again that I can’t give you more of my time to walk you through this. I generally don’t say this toanyone, but in your case, you might just be the exception to the rule. You can, as atemporarymeasure, give him permission to masturbate. The core point here is that dimari are not allowed to experience a climax without their master’s permission. Generally, telling them they’re allowed to masturbate is a bad idea, because it makes them think that their master is never going to have sex with them. Which is like expecting you to keep working at yourjob but telling you you’re never going to get paid ever again. Things go downhillveryrapidly.
“But in your case, Xel knows you didn’t choose him and he’s smart enough to have figured out that you don’t have a whole lot of need for his skills. That doesnotnegate the need for you to learn how to connect with him on an intimate level. There’s another four or five pages in the book that you need to read on that subject. So do that first, and then if you have more questions, I’ll do my best to answer them.”
It was tempting to demand more answers now. But it was late, both of us were tired, and if I tried to force Aiden to explain things that were already in the manual, it was only likely to annoy him. “Can I ask just one more question?” I said. “I will read the rest of the manual. And sorry for waking you up. I kind of panicked when I read that bit.” I felt my face flush as I said it, and no small part of that was because mysituationwas indeed more complex than most people’s. Namely, because I had scars down the entire right side of my body, and I dreaded the idea of telling Xel that he was supposed to get up close and personal with all that twisted scar tissue. “Why don’t you have any time to spend with us? What’s this emergency that’s sucking up all of your time? I know you probably can’t give me any details,” I rushed on, before he could explain exactly that. “Classified information and all. But can you give me some kind of sensible explanation?” Perhaps I was just being paranoid, but I’d find it easier to trust him if I knew there was a real emergency behind his caginess, rather than just him trying to palm us off.
I saw Aiden’s shoulders droop a little, then he took a slow breath. “The short version is that a Eumadian cruiser came through the Rendol wormhole on Monday afternoon. You’re aware that we’ve stopped playing nice with the Eumadians?”