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WOODLAND CREATURES

FALLON

I t’s too early in the damn morning for someone to be hollering like this.

My head is freaking pounding. I didn't think I drank that much last night, but I’m feeling like it this morning.

I also have a funky taste in my mouth that makes me go straight into the bathroom to brush my teeth.

However, I don’t even get to wet my toothbrush before the sound of slamming doors, followed by more yelling, fills the cabin.

I shut the water off, slip on some pants, and go to find out what the heck is happening.

Bridget, Summer, and Savannah are standing over a pile of clothes in a heated argument.

“What the hell is going on?” I groan.

Bridget turns her focus to me. “If you can figure it out, please, let me know, because I woke up this morning to the front door open, and most of my clothes all over the damn yard.”

Savannah speaks up, “And of fucking course, she jumps the gun. Accusing us of playing a trick on her. Bitch, I was in my bed, passed the fuck out before any of y'all. If it was me, I’d be the first one to admit it. I take pride in my pranks.”

With every syllable they say, I feel it pounding in my head.

Rubbing my temples, I try to form a logical explanation as to what is going on, but I can’t.

Letting out a groan, I grumble, “How about we just pause a minute and have an actual conversation, instead of yelling at each other. I have a feeling we might be able to get further.” Looking around, I realize one of us is missing.

“And where’s Amber?” As soon as those words leave my mouth, the front door opens, and in walks Amber, singing a cheery good morning.

Summer turns to her and laughs. “Damn bitch, did you get laid last night? Usually you’re the last one to tell anyone good morning, and I’m a little scared of the fact you’re smiling before having a cup of coffee.”

“Actually Summer, I went for a morning hike. You’d be surprised how much being out in nature will wake you up better than caffeine. I tried to get you up, but I don’t think you heard me over your loud-mouthed snoring.”

Summer flips Amber the bird, and Amber laughs before replying, “Yes please, as long as you promise to pull my hair. I like it rough.”

“If y’all two are done… I’m trying to figure out which one of you guys messed with my stuff last night!” Bridget yells.

“Down bitch. What makes you think any of us would even touch your skanky stuff?” Amber snaps.

Clearly offended, Bridget whines, “Because…when I woke up this morning my clothes were thrown all over the front yard. It seems a little suspicious to me that you were the first one up, and didn’t notice my clothes.”

“Probably because your clothes weren’t in the front yard when I left this morning, weirdo. Not that I noticed, anyway. When I got up this morning, Lukas was already gone, and I left through the back door.”

We’re getting nowhere with this conversation. So, I attempt to be the voice of reason. “See…maybe when Amber left this morning, she accidentally left the front door open, and some animal came inside and grabbed your clothes.”

“Probably a raccoon, they like trash,” Summer whispers to Savannah, who can’t contain her outrageous laugh.

Bridget rolls her eyes. “I really doubt that’s what happened, but it’s obvious nobody’s going to own up to what they did.

Don’t even act like a single one of you wouldn’t be as mad as I am though.

When y’all’s stuff starts getting fucked with, don’t expect me to act like I care.

I’m going to throw my clothes into the washing machine, and take a shower.

Do me a favour though, make sure no more animals run away with the rest of my clothes. ”

We simmer in the silence, watching her stomp off to the bathroom.

The shower turns on, then Amber breaks the silence.

“I didn’t fuck with her shit, but I wish I had.

Was it one of you guys?” Everyone slowly shakes their heads back and forth, clearly uneasy now that we don’t know what the fuck is going on.

I feel like if one of the other girls did it, they would’ve owned up to it by now.

I know I said it was possibly an animal, but the chances of that being true are practically non-existent.

I’d be less surprised to find out she did it herself, she’s such an attention whore.

Summer is the first one to break the tense silence hanging over us, “I ought to go shit in her suitcase for trying to blame one of us.”

We all burst out laughing. Leave it to her to say the most off the wall thing to lighten the mood, and thank the gods for Amber, who’s currently making a pot of coffee. I will be needing at least four cups for myself after the morning we’ve had already.