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THICK & VEINY, BABY

SUMMER

W e’re sitting by the fire, enjoying the now peaceful night.

It’s crazy how much a singular person’s absence can elevate everyone’s mood.

Looking up from the eyepiece of my telescope, “How much do y'all want to bet the bitch is sitting at the end of the driveway?” I say, catching the attention of the other three girls. They seem to agree with me based on their expressions alone. “You know… I have a cousin who would run away when he got in trouble. He’d pack his toys in a pillow case, then sit at the end of the driveway until his parents went looking for him, or it got too cold and dark outside, whichever came first.”

“How many cousins do you fucking have?” Amber says from across the fire. “I dare Bridget to come back… She left, and she can stay gone. Hoe can live with her choice.”

“It's for the best, none of us wanted her here anyway,” Savannah chimes in. “I’m more pissed about missing out on the argument than I am about her leaving with my fucking jacket.”

Amber’s eyes bore into me through the flames, that’s your fault, they say, and I smother my laugh with a cough. She’s right, if I hadn’t been an ass and told her not to forget a jacket, then Sav wouldn’t have lost hers to the bitch with a broad back and gorilla arms.

“ It’s not my fault you were playing with the little man in the canoe for so long that you missed out,” I snip jokingly, looking through the finder scope to locate Ursa Major and Ursa Minor. The North Star shines bright, making the constellations easy to locate.

Amber bursts out laughing, asking me what the fuck I mean between wheezing laughter.

She’s fucking looped, having crushed half that case of teas already, and sucking back the sangria.

Glancing up from the scope, I reply, “The little man in the canoe…you know…dinging the devil’s doorbell, jamming your clam, flicking the bean, the pink skittle… does no one know what a euphemism is?”

Amber’s gone, laughing so hard no real sound is coming out, just weird seal noises. She loses her balance in the shitty lawn chair we bought before the trip, flipping ass over tea kettle. “Oh, shit!” she yells before erupting into another fit of laughter.

Gazing back down into the scope, I locate Antares, a red supergiant star.

It’s located in the Scorpius constellation, and is known as the heart of the scorpion.

It hangs low in the July summer sky, and locating it means I know where to watch the start of the meteor shower in another two days.

This will be the third shower originating from Scorpius, and I can’t wait to see it in my lifetime.

“How did you even know I was doing that?” Savannah asks, breaking my astrological daydream, no longer denying the inevitable.

“I'd be surprised if Jesus himself didn't hear you, Sav. Your music doesn’t drown out the sound of you jamming your clam to Brittany Spears.”

We all burst out laughing, again.

Fallon, who’s been quiet this whole time, finally speaks. “Hey, where did Lukas go? He’s been gone a lot longer than a smoke.”

“Who cares, it’s taco Tuesday, no sausage.” Savannah cackles, spilling wine all over her pants. She’s also plastered, because it’s definitely not Tuesday.

“I’d let him taste my rainbow,” Amber mumbles from the dirt, staring into the flickering flames.

“SLUT!” I yell, throwing my empty beer can at her.

“WHAT? He’s fucking hot. I bet he’s packin’ a monster cock. All thick and veiny.” She shivers, “Mmmm, yeah. I bet he tastes fucking good too. I’d let him glaze me like one of those donuts he brought.”

“You’re such a freak,” Fallon giggles, sipping her wine like a nun at communion.

I stand, making my way over to my sister from another mister. “You’re cut off.”

“Party pooper,” she mumbles. Rolling over, she pulls a tea from her pocket, cracking it open, laughing maniacally.

“You’ll be sleeping with the animals if you pass out, bitch. I’m not dragging your ass inside.”

“Just throw me a blankie, and I’ll be good.”

I reach down to give Amber a hand to help her up, but she shoos away my attempt.

That’s when it hits. A wave of dizziness rolls over me, my legs wobbling beneath me.

You know when you’re drinking, but the alcohol doesn’t actually hit you until you’re alone, and sitting down to pee?

That's where I'm at right now. I just got really drunk, really fast, as soon as I stood up. I take a deep breath in through my nose, slowly releasing it out through my mouth. Attempting to regain my equilibrium, but I can’t.

Looking over at the girls, it appears that the alcohol has hit all of us at once.

“Are y'all ready to go inside? I think I need to lay down,” I address everyone. I swear, I was talking to myself until Fallon gives a slight nod of her head.

Amber throws two fingers up in the air, giving us the peace sign.

“Go on without me, sluts. I’m going to wait and see if Lukas comes back.

Maybe I can charm his trouser snake.” She laughs like a hyena, and I have no idea what’s gotten into her.

She’s never this outrageous while drinking, forever needing to stay in control.

“Ma’am, I don’t think you’re in any condition to be snake charming tonight,” Savannah says, staggering to her feet. They drag through the dirt as she makes her way over to us.

“STOP!” Amber shouts, putting up her hand. Savannah freezes, looking like she’s about to piss herself in fear. “Right there, thank you very much.” Amber sings, and everyone groans aloud. “Throw another log on the fire, please!”

“Shit, you ass. I thought I was about to be eaten by a Sasquatch or something.”

“You’d like that, monster fucker,” Amber mumbles, stripping off her sweater, and balling it up under her head like a pillow.

“Oh, shut up, you’re the one who wants to ride a knife,” Sav jests.

“Hell yeah, I’ll ride that handle like it’s the best damn dick I’ve ever had,” Amber counters, making over-exaggerated sex noises that ring out through the forest. She pulls out her joint tin, placing a pinner between her lips and sparking it.

That’s our cue to leave. With how lost she is to the booze, I wouldn’t put it past her to jam her clam right here next to the fire.

I try one more time to coax her inside but she waves me away, eyes dazed and staring up at the starry night. I’m not exactly sure how the remaining three of us make it inside, or how I even find my bedroom, but as soon as I hit the pillow, I pass out.