Page 57 of Worth Every Moment (Hawkston Billionaires #4)

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I am done for.

Absolutely right royally fucked. I love her, and I have to lose her.

I didn’t think I could love Erica more than I did, but when I looked her in the eyes as she came, the orgasm that overtook me was so fucking intense, it felt as though I could have kept coming for days, pumping her full of cum until there was nothing left of me at all.

Sex has always been meaningless. I’ve kept it that way deliberately, and there was a moment when looking at Erica felt like standing on the edge of the abyss.

I wasn’t sure I wanted to go down there.

I thought it might kill me, but it turns out that what’s in the abyss is bliss, connection, completeness.

Love . The whole fucking Hallmark card aisle shit.

I feel like a changed man. The only problem is that I have to marry someone else.

Maybe I could tell my dad to go fuck himself.

I could explain to Erica that any photos of me soliciting underage call girls are fake.

Maybe she’d understand. Maybe she’d come and visit me in prison after they locked me up on trumped up charges.

A chill seeps through my flesh at the thought, but I push it aside. I can’t think about that now. All that matters is Erica.

I’m waiting outside the bathroom to give her a moment alone in there, but when I hear the bath running I knock on the door, wait for her to give me the all clear, and enter. She’s leaning over the tub, glorious in her nakedness. I cannot believe this is happening.

“I was gonna do that for you,” I say, staring at the steaming water.

She shrugs. “I was already in here.”

I stride to the loo and put the seat up.

“Woah.” Erica stares at me. “You’re going to pee?”

I frown, gaze bouncing from her to the loo.

I’ve never pissed in front of a woman before.

All those one night stands, and I never did this.

I am way too comfortable already. “Do you mind? I always pee after sex. I normally have to wait a while so it doesn’t shoot all over the place, but yeah. I was going to.”

“But I’m standing right here.”

She looks so appalled that I can’t help myself when I say, totally calm, “You want me to pee on you instead?”

She gasps, then reads the joke on my face and starts to laugh. “Maybe.”

I shake my head, a smile still on my lips. “I really need to go, so you can either watch, or you can step outside.”

She eyes me up and down, pauses a moment, then sits on the edge of the bath. “I’ll watch.”

“You’re so dirty, Lefroy.”

I turn back to the loo, but I can’t fucking pee. Shit . Is this stage fright? I need to perform. She’s waiting .

If I can’t pee, it’s gonna feel like I can’t ejaculate. And fuck, did I just ejaculate. I’ve never seen so much cum. The fact that she’s not on the pill is worrying, but for now, all I want is to be able to urinate.

Erica crosses her arms over her chest and stretches out her long legs as her eyebrow rises. “You can’t do it.”

I glance over at her. “Of course I can.”

“Go on then.”

Take a piss, Seb. Take a fucking piss.

Erica waits just long enough for it to be all too fucking obvious that I cannot pee with her in the room before she walks towards me, slaps me on the bare arse, and says, “I’ll give you a little privacy.

” She flashes me the cutest smile, complete with a hint of gentle mockery, and leaves the bathroom.

I hang my head, shoulders shaking as I laugh to myself.

The door clicks behind her and I let go, a healthy golden shower decorating the bowl.

Thank fuck for that . I was worried I might need to get my prostate checked.

When I’m done, I add some bath salts to the bath water and check the temperature. Erica knocks on the door, and I let her in.

“I could get used to this,” she says.

“What?”

“Hanging out with you, butt naked.”

“I have absolutely no objections to that.”

She stands beside me, resting her hand on my back where I’m leaning over the bath. “You have a gorgeous body. Can I keep it?”

Oh, fuck. The answer is yes, obviously. It’s hers. Always has been, and always will be. But I have no idea how I can make that happen.

“How long do you want it for?” I ask as casually as I can, ignoring the guilty thump of my heart as I stand upright and turn to face her.

I took her virginity, and I have to end it between us.

I’m going to lose this beautiful, wonderful woman, and I’ve barely had her for a moment.

The pain in my heart is so intense, it causes a blinding light to flash behind my eyes, and when I blink it away, all I see is Erica.

Her cheeks are flushed, her dark hair falling free over her shoulders, those perfect breasts on display.

I want to reach out and hold them. Hold her .

Never, ever let her go . Erica pointedly clears her throat, and I shake my head and raise my guilty gaze to meet hers.

“Sorry. You being naked is really distracting,” I murmur, hoping she takes the comment at face value.

Her smile is barely a flicker. “I want to be with you. Properly. Not fake. This isn’t fake. Not anymore.” She steps closer, places a hand flat against my heart, soothing the pain that just wrecked my chest, and kisses me. “I want this to be real. Can we make it real?”

The only thing I’ve ever wanted is to make it ‘real’ with Erica Lefroy, and if I didn’t know it before, I know it now, standing here naked with her hand on my heart.

There is no way I’m marrying anyone else.

I don’t know how the fuck I’m going to sort it out with Dad and Diana, but I will.

And I’ll do it before Erica ever finds out it was even a possibility.

She’s the only woman in the world for me, and to marry anyone else would kill me.

Before I can think twice, I say, “Yes.”

“Really?” Her eyes sparkle. “You want that too?”

“ Yes. Absolutely. You’re the only person I want to be with, ever. So yes. I love you, and I’d love to be with you. For real, for as long as you want me.”

A wide smile spreads over her face as she steps into the water and sinks into the tub. “You can get in,” she says, and it feels like she’s inviting me to spend my life with her, and I’ve never felt so elated.

She’s half-submerged, pink nipples poking out above the water, tendrils of dark hair trailing on the surface.

So beautiful. This woman, this goddess , is finally mine .

Love swells in every cell of my body until it feels like more than I can contain.

She is everything I've ever needed, and everything I ever will.

I slide into the hot water at the other end of the huge tub. My legs rub against hers, her skin so soft that it makes me ache for something I can’t even determine.

I take her foot in my hands and glide my thumb over the arch as I massage her foot. She hums, smiling as I work over the sole. If I could do this for the rest of my life, I would die the happiest of men.

“Will you tell me why you never looked the other women in the eye?” she says gently.

I release her foot and reach for the other, massaging it the same way. “I told you. I don’t want to mislead anyone.”

“Okay.” She sighs, relaxing as I tend to her foot. “Why don’t you remember their names?”

I rub each of her toes individually, bidding for time. “Sometimes I forget. Or they don’t tell me.”

She pulls her foot out of my grip and it slips back beneath the water.

Gone is the dreamy look in her eye. “Bullshit. I’m calling you on yours.

You remember everyone’s name and all the details about their lives.

I’ve seen you do it at parties. Recalling the smallest details about people you’ve met once, years before.

You pay attention. So why don’t you remember those women’s names if you take them to bed? ”

I bite down on the pad of my thumb, but the pinch isn’t enough of a punishment for all the wrongs I’ve done. “You want to make it make sense, huh?”

“I don’t want it to make sense. I want you to make sense to me . I want to understand why you’re the way you are.”

“Why I sleep around?”

Her lips tighten, her cheeks reddening. It could be the heat of the bathwater, I can’t be sure. “I told you I was a virgin. I told you why, more or less.”

I arch my back, tipping my head so I don’t have to look at her.

No one has ever asked me this question. Not even my brothers.

No one has ever given a fuck, and I can’t help feeling a little ashamed that it’s taken this long for anyone to care.

I wish I could be grateful that Erica is the one to finally take an interest, but I can’t handle the intimacy of it, so I change the tangent of the conversation.

“Why is it so terrible to have casual sex?”

She squirms in the water. “I don’t think it’s terrible. But I wouldn’t do it the way you do it. I’d rather be in a committed relationship.”

“So it’s not the sex bit you take issue with. It’s the casual bit?”

“Yes. I’d want to know I was sharing my body with someone who cared about me.”

My heart thumps a little harder. “I care about you.”

“I know. I care about you too. That’s why I’m here, like this, with you.

” She gently splashes a hand in the water as if to encompass everything we are and everything we’ve done.

“So, will you tell me why you forget their names and won’t look them in the eye, when, otherwise, you’re one of the most thoughtful, attentive people I’ve ever met?

You don’t miss a thing.” I’m about to thank her for the compliment when she adds, “Except when you’re cracking shitty jokes to avoid an intense emotion, so don’t do that now, please. ”