Page 20 of Worth Every Moment (Hawkston Billionaires #4)

“Stop it. You cannot categorically know how he feels about me. He’d sleep with anyone.

He brought a date with him that night , at the gallery.

He’s always with someone else. If I hooked up with him, it wouldn’t mean anything to him, and he’d move on to the next woman in five seconds flat.

I doubt he’d even glance over his shoulder to check I was okay.

Onto the next hotel room. The next naked woman who sends a picture to his phone.

” Amy arches a brow and I explain about the photos he received the day I fell on the runway.

“I don’t think he knows how to have a sexual relationship that actually means something,” I continue.

“And I’m not willing to risk everything to find out.

I can’t do that. I won’t do that. I mean…

my virginity .” My heart. “That’s a big deal. ”

Amy props one hand on her hip, staring like she’s trying to unearth the truth I’m not sharing. My heart does a funny palpitation, and I press a hand over it. Her eyes dart to my hand, her brow creasing. “You’re frightened.”

No shit . I flop down on the bench by the wall and start shoving the pads into my bag.

“Yeah. I don’t want to be tossed aside when he gets bored.

I’d lose my friend and gain nothing but heartache.

” Amy rests a hand on my shoulder, which I shrug off as I zip up my bag and sit up.

“And I don’t want to lose his friendship, if I haven’t already. And my mother hates him.”

“So what? Who cares what your mum thinks?” Amy’s question sounds casual, as though Mum’s opinion should be irrelevant.

And I guess it should be, but it’s not. Amy wouldn’t really understand that…

her parents are the ultimate support team to her career.

Not overbearing, but supportive. Whereas my mother is involved in every facet of my life, and I have no idea how to unravel that shit. “Has she ever met Seb?”

“I don’t think they’ve ever spoken. She has no interest in talking to him.”

“Your Mum is weird as fuck. Who’s not interested in Seb Hawkston?”

I raise a shoulder. “Bad for the brand.”

“Ah. You don’t really believe that, do you?”

Do I ? I know Mum does, and I’ve absorbed so many of her opinions over the years that sometimes it’s hard to tell what’s hers and what’s mine.

The memory of Seb telling me he’d bend me over and fuck the brat out of me if I mentioned my brand again causes a searing heat to ignite in my chest. It feels like arousal and heartbreak all at once.

Our friendship is definitely fucked beyond repair, whatever Amy thinks about the matter.

“Just rebrand,” Amy offers. “I do it all the time. Seb could totally be part of your rebranding.”

I sigh. I wish . I can’t keep talking about Seb because I might start crying, so I redirect the conversation. “Speaking of rebranding, I want to move into movies and I’ve got this huge audition coming up… I haven’t told anyone, but it’s for Taming the Beast .”

Amy’s eyes widen, and her mouth puckers into a tiny O shape. “The film based on that post-apocalyptic Beauty and the Beast story?”

“Yes. They’re filming most of it in the UK with a British cast.”

Amy squeals. “Really? Because I’m reading it right now. It’s in my bag.” She whistles. “That’s the biggest book in the market at the moment. It’s filthy .”

I wipe the sweat off my forehead with my forearm. “It’s a romance.”

Amy lets out a wicked cackle. “It’s page-porn. Survivalist Fifty Shades . Fifty-shades-of-fuck-me-up-the-arse meets The Hunger Games .”

“The Hunger Games is dystopian. Not post-apocalyptic.”

Amy waves her hand at me like she doesn’t give a fuck about the difference between the two.

“Don’t get me wrong. I loved it. Millions of people loved it.

But some of the things he does to her…” She fades off, a smile on her face as she shakes her head.

“I had to take a rest break. Several times.” She winks.

“I wouldn’t know.”

Amy swallows another gulp of water from her bottle and wipes her mouth on the back of her hand before she speaks.

“Woah. Hold up. You want to audition, but you haven’t read the book?

You have to go read it right away.” She moves quickly towards her bag and pulls out the book, thrusting it towards me.

“Read it. Get inside the character’s head.

Get yourself a hand mirror and have a wank. ”

I rear back. “Jesus, Amy. A wank? A mirror?”

“Yeah,” she deadpans. “Just pop it between your legs so you can see yourself when you masturbate. I promise you, this shit works. It’ll loosen up your sexual energy in no time. You’ll start loving your pussy as much as the world loves your face.”

“You are so crass.” I snatch the book from her, then reconsider, pinning the book between finger and thumb and holding it away from me. “Did you wank over this book?”

She shrugs, amusement sparking in her eyes at my obvious discomfort. “Yeah, but I washed my hands.”

“Ew.” I push it back at her.

She laughs and accepts it. “Fine. Go buy a new copy. That’s an order.

” I rest my elbows on my knees and hang my head, but Amy crouches in front of me, pushing my head back up with a fingertip.

“Wait, you do masturbate, don’t you? Flick the bean?

Get yourself off? Tell me you give yourself an orgasm from time to time? ”

I shake her off, wishing I hadn’t raised this whole issue in the first place.

But then again, if I can’t raise it with Amy, who can I talk to about it?

Whatever I say, I know it’s not going any further.

She’s not going to judge me, even if her tone is vibrating with shock at the possibility that I might tell her I’ve never touched myself. “Yeah. Sometimes.”

She pins her lips. “Do it more. You look like you need more .” She cocks her head as if reconsidering. “What you really need is to get laid. Finally. What are you waiting for? Prince Charming?”

The words are like an electric wire that runs right through me. If she knew how unfortunate that choice of title was … It has Seb frolicking through my mind like he lives there. Like he’s dancing naked in the fucking rain. “No. It’s just… the brand, and Mum, and—”

“You’ve got to kick your mother out the bedroom. Energetically. Throw her the fuck out, lock the door, and go have sex.” She nods emphatically at the book. “That Vanessa bitch is the horniest woman to survive the end of the world. If you want the role, you have to be prepared.”

I give a helpless laugh. “They won’t put all that on screen.

It’s not a porno.” I’ve been avoiding thinking about this particular aspect of the story.

About how sexual this character is, and how I’m not .

It’s not the camera thing that I’m worried about.

I’ve done a lot of sexual photo shoots. They’re always pairing me up with male models and having me pretend to swoon.

I can do it for the photos… but the idea of doing it in an audition kinda freaks me out.

But I really, really want to get this job, not least because it’s the kind of role that Mum would absolutely loathe.

“Taming the Beast is not on brand.” Amy cackles like she’s read my mind. “It’s worse than Seb Hawkston. Your Mum will really hate it.”

“I know. But I really want it.”

If I’m going to do this acting thing, I am going big. Every other dream I’ve had, I’ve made come true. Or Mum has, a little voice whispers.

Well, this one is for me. If there’s one thing I am manifesting, it’s this role. My freedom.

Amy rises to sit next to me and slaps her hand on my thigh. “You can do anything. You’re Erica Lefroy.” She says the name as everyone does: like it doesn’t belong to a person, but a commodity. “And you know what else?”

“What else, Amy Moritz?” I reply, throwing her famous name right back at her, but she doesn’t rise to the jibe.

“You can totally fuck Seb Hawkston too, and there’s bugger all your mum can do about it. Call him up and tell him you’re sorry. And then go have hot, sweaty make-up sex with him.”