Page 65 of Worship

“If you cost me Gretchen, if your bullshit causes her to walk away, I’ll make sure I ruin you for anyone who would ever want you. Call my bluff,” I threaten.

Shelby’s eyes grow wide as saucers, and she immediately backs up into the room as I shut the door. I bring my attention back to Gretchen.

“It’s bullshit. Don’t listen to her.”

She’s looking at me like she would a complete stranger. Shocked and disturbed. But I guess I am a stranger, like this, to her.

“Who are you? It’s not her faultyoufucked up. This is on you,” Gretchen sneers.

I stand stoically.

“If you loved me like you say, you would fucking trust me.”It’s falling apart, and I can’t stop it.

“Give me a reason to call my eyes liars. Go ahead,” she challenges.

Her mind is made up. No matter what I say, she’s decided. I see all the doubts becoming facts and her beliefs becoming regrets.

“Angel, it’s complicated but…” I barely get my words out before she throws her arms in the air and cuts me off.

“Complicated?” She begins to laugh. “Complicated is a long-distance relationship. Complicated isn’t fucking a married man. The most twisted part is that I don’t have the right to be angry at you for getting sucked off by yourwife.”

Her face is a mask of anger as she says the last part.

My heart feels like it’s stopped beating. An hour ago, I looked into her eyes and saw a man that was brought to life by her love. Now I see one reflected back at me, that I see from every other goddamn person in my life. The monster I am. I can’t look anymore, choosing the ground instead, my words escaping my lips, broken and desperate.

“Stop it.”

“Stop what? Telling the truth?” she answers.

I look up and start toward her, but she puts her hands up to stop me.

“No!” She takes a few steps backward. “I forfeited all my rights the minute I let you fuck me into a second-place spot. We’re done, Luca.”

Her arms drop to her side, and we stand staring at each other.

“We’re done when I say we’re done.”

My voice sounds pathetic to me. I’m grasping at anything to make her stay. I won’t let her go. I can’t. I’ll sink without her.

“I’m not asking permission. You don’t get a say, Luca. I’m not yours anymore.”

My jaw tenses, and I swallow the lump in my throat, rubbing my jaw roughly.

“I love you.” I take another step. “Do you hear me? I fucking love you.”

She has to hear me.

Gretchen sighs, closing and reopening her eyes.

“You love the idea of me. But a man like you doesn’t deserve love…you don’t deserve me.”

She turns to walk away and then looks back.

“Ask your wife how my pussy tastes when she blows you.”

Her eyes burn into mine, and I want to grab her, haul her into a room, and punish her. How can I hate her and love her at the same time?

“I won’t let anyone stand in my way, even you, sweetheart,” I promise as she begins to walk down the hall.