Page 3 of Worship

“Give me a break, Dante.”

“When are you going to stop pretending that you aren’t fucking miserable?” Here we go. He’s been on my ass since the hospital.

“Tomorrow,” I deadpan. “Today’s for Dom.” He can’t actually think I would have a heart-to-heart in the fucking pantry about my failing marriage.

“Luca. She called the fucking lawyer the minute she thought you were dying.” He stabs his finger into my chest. It makes me want to break it. I stifle the urge to as he does it again. “Wake up.”

I push his hand away with enough force to cause him to pay more attention.

“Are you going to continue with facts I already know because allow me to share one you seem to have overlooked. She’s the mother of my fucking child.”

“I’m not saying you didn’t do right by her marrying her when she got pregnant. But you don’t have to give up your whole life, Luca.”

“Leave it, Dante. I’ll deal with my shit…worry about your own.” My voice is dismissive.

He grabs my arm, and the pity in his eyes makes me angrier, as does his persistence. “And if I know you, Luca…you can’t make her pay forever because she’s hurt you.”

“Who said forever?” I smirk, letting the coldness of my statement wash over. “I’m not the villain, I just do it better.”

I look down to his hand on my arm and he drops it.

“Luca.”

“I’m done with the conversation. Move or I’ll move you.” I don’t want to fight with my brother, but caged animals do unpredictable things.

He lifts his arms in retreat and moves aside, making room for me to leave and get back to the party. I stop a few feet past him, but I don’t look back. I feel remorseful for being so dismissive to Dante. I know he just wants to form a relationship with me since we only just found out about each other a month ago. Another fucked-up gift from my uncle.

“I know you’re new to this brother thing, but you’re doing great.” I walk away hoping he understands why I can’t do this shit right now.

My brothers suffer from two annoying traits: they love me, and they are perceptive as fuck. But the hate I feel toward my wife won’t be extinguished by their words and good intentions.

She’s going to pay for the role she so desperately wanted until she can’t do it anymore. Then she’ll walk away with nothing.

Not even her daughter.

“DEAR GOD, THAT FELT GOOD. Better than sex,” Blair says, thanking her masseuse, a beautiful, tan, six-foot beast with very white teeth and a man bun. “There’s no way that man is straight. He’s so pretty.” She adds, far too loudly as he walks away.

“Blair!” Lyla chastises, swatting at her while I laugh as we all walk into the women’s sauna.

“This is heaven,” Drew says, taking a seat on the wood bench, steam surrounding us. “Perfect idea.” Her head drops back.

I sit next to her, breathing in the heat.

“Who thought of it again? Oh yes, yourbestfriend.” I smirk, and Blair flips me the bird. Lyla throws her hand towel at me and I giggle. “It had to be said. I don’t want you bitches getting any ideas about the hierarchy.”

Drew purses her lips and shakes her head at my shrug.

“Regardless. I’m just really happy that you guys wanted to celebrate this with me. I know it was unexpected and unconventional.”

We all laugh.

“But I couldn’t be happier. So, thank you.” Drew smiles to all of us.

“We love you, D, and I think it goes without saying that we’re happy you found Dominic King.” I smile at my best friend, a tiny bit happy the room is dark because I worry it won’t meet my eyes.

I don’t begrudge her any happiness, but it stings when it’s never you. The girl goes to a sex club and meets the man of her dreams. I date endlessly and manage to find a bunch of men I would rather have date other people.

This feeling will pass, it always does, because my envy isn’t about my friend, it’s about wishing I had my own ‘someone’. But a part of me is starting to think that holding out for something mind-blowing is a waste of time.