Page 53 of Worship

Wednesday

“SAY IT AGAIN,” SHE PURRS.

“Ho fame, forse avrò un po ’di pasta nel frigo.”I’m hungry, maybe I’ll have some pasta in the fridge.

I chuckle at her insistence at making me repeat myself. We were talking about our respective workdays, and I accidentally thought aloud, in Italian.

This usually only happens with my brothers, but I never operate with my guard up with Gretchen, so it makes sense. I can hear her grumbling, but I won’t tell her what I’m saying. I figure it’s better to leave the mystery; plus, I like the way it’s making her purr.

“You aren’t going to tell me what you said, are you?”

“Nah.” I grin, liking this game we’ve been playing.

She sighs. “All right. One day?”

“Nope…actually. Yes. I will tell you if you agree to something.”Come on baby, take the bait.

“What?” Her voice is curious, and I stop what I’m doing to close my eyes. She makes me think filthy thoughts.

I let out a breath. “Have dinner with me Friday.”

Silence.

I know she’s chewing on her lip. I hear her inhale, and then her voice gives away her worry.

“Luca, I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

I know she’s trying to keep us honest, not to muddy up what’s so pure between us, but she’s such a fool. She doesn’t see that what we’ve done in the last two weeks has been worse than anything physical. I’m all in. There’s no going back.

“Gretchen, who are you kidding? This is happening—we’ve already happened. I don’t have to be in the room to have a piece of you. Why are you so worried about your body, quando avresti dovuto essere preoccupato per il tuo cuore?”when you should have been worried about your heart?

“Quit it. Not fair, dick,” she complains, and I realize that I’ve said the last part in Italian.

My voice is insistent. “You want to know what I said? Because this time I want to tell you.”

“Why? Why start telling me now?”

She’s so suspicious. She knows me all too well.

“Why not now? All we have is now.”

It feels impossible to keep everything inside anymore. I want to tell her every single goddamn feeling I have for her, but she’s so stubborn. I know she won’t even consider her feelings, let alone allow herself to fall.

She starts to laugh.

“No way. Whatever you’re going to say, don’t. I can feel you already celebrating a win. That tells me you’ve figured out a way to convince me to break our rules.”

She is too smart.Nothing she says will stop me though; I won’t let her stand in the way anymore.

“Let me tell you. Just let me say it in person.”

More silence.

I let her weigh out what I’m saying, knowing she understands. She always does.

“Shit,” she whispers, admitting defeat. “Okay. Dinner, but that’s all, Luca.”

Bullshit bravado.