Page 49 of Worship

I grab the keys from my office and burst through my garage, running to the car. Once I’m in my car, I barely wait for the garage to open enough before backing out and shooting onto the empty street.

The car picked up the call the moment I turned it on, and no matter how many times I call her name, she doesn’t answer me. So I stop and concentrate on weaving through traffic. I’m driving at speeds way too fast to be legal. But I’m driven by the need to get to her.I know it’s not what she wants, but it’s what she needs.

Her sobs are like daggers to my heart, and I force myself to hear every single damn one. This is my fault, and I should suffer next to her.

The minute I’m in front of her building, I throw the car into park and jump out, uncaring if I parked illegally or not. I race through her lobby doors and forgo the elevator for the stairs, taking two at a time. The minute I get to her floor, I push through, not breaking my stride, and get to her door.

My breath is ragged, and my adrenaline is shooting through the roof, but I try and calm myself, rapping my knuckles against the door softly.

“Gretchen, I’m here.”

Nothing. I pull the phone to my ear and the line is dead. What the fuck.

“Baby, open the door.” I coax.

I knock again.

“Angel, open the door. I’m here, let me in.” I plead.

I can’t hear anything. I push back off the frame and size the door up. I’ll kick it in. Fuck it. My hands pull into fists, gathering the strength I’ll need, when her lock sounds and the door cracks open, held back by the chain.

I rush to the opening, “Angel, open the door.”

I put my hand around the door through the opening. Her fingers brush mine on the other side.

“I can’t.”

Her voice sounds destroyed, she sounds so fucking sad. I grip the door harder, wishing I could push it open. But I don’t. I stand as close as I can, resting my head against it.

“Angel.” I feel her wet cheek against my fingers, and it kills me. “I need to know you’re okay. I’m so sorry I did this.”

Her face peeks through the opening, and my head tips back, eyes closing at the agony of her tear-stained cheeks.

Her voice is so determined. “If I let you in, I’ll fall into you and never make it back out. I love you for making me do this. It’s just really fucking sad. But it’s important to feel it. I’m not okay, but I will be, and I owe that to you.”

She’s the strongest woman I’ve ever met. My heart aches at her words, and I make a fist on the door and pull back.

“I’m here. You know that.” The strain in my voice gives away guilt for causing this.

“I do. But I don’t want to dirty my hurt with regret. You know?”

I do know, and even if I didn’t, I would move heaven and earth for this woman.

I hate that I can’t be there for her the way I want to be. I’m starting to wonder how long my hate and my need for retribution will rule over what I’m feeling for Gretchen.

The door shuts slowly, and I look down the hall to the right and then the left. It feels wrong to walk away.

The only direction my mind will even comprehend leads directly to Gretchen. I can’t leave her. It’s not a choice; I feel tied to her.

She’s become a part of me, so deep that my breath is hers because she’s what gives me life. I put my hand against the door and lower myself to the floor, leaning my back against it and resting my forearms on my knees. My head hangs, and I listen to her quiet cries through the door. I won’t leave my girl alone. She’ll never be alone again.

I sit against the door, quietly listening to her until her tears finally stop.

“Luca?” Her voice comes from behind the door. She must be sitting next to it too.

“I’m here, Angel.”

Her voice is hoarse but sweet.