Page 13 of Worse Fates (Soulmates Suck #1)

Turning away from Lucero’s happiness, and Kai’s shock, is the only thing that stops me from screaming out the confusion bubbling inside my chest. I’d rather glare at the polished sandstone floor I’m dripping on, than deal with…these feelings.

How can I be jealous when I’m not even with Lucero? And don’t wanna be. Or rather…Lucero wouldn’t pick me if he had a real choice. So a relationship would never be possible.

“Golden.”

Lucero’s hand rests on my neck, big and warm and possessive. Under his gaze I’m realer than I’ve ever been.

But…

“I feel out of control.”

My shoulders tremble as I fight back tears that always rise when I’m around this man. It’s as if what I feel for him—desire, confusion, frustration, connection—can’t bear to be pushed down anymore, and, desperate to escape, it’s found another way to leak out.

“It’s not just that you’re my soulmate, it’s that I don’t have a say in how I get to react to you. Or…”

My voice tremble.

“Or how you react to me.”

He shakes his head, not understanding.

“There is a choice; you chose to walk away four days ago, and then you chose to come with me tonight.”

“And you followed me because you think you have to!”

I cry out.

“You don’t even want me, Lucero.”

He makes a sound like the very thought is insane.

“Of course I do.”

I force my chin up.

“I’m not going to be your damn golden replacement!”

Lucero huffs out a breath, features scrunched in bewilderment.

In the corner of my eye Kai edges towards the kitchen knives stabbed into a wooden block. I grip his hand to keep him by my side. Kai doesn’t need to worry that Lucero will hurt me. He never would, I know it in my bones even as I fight back.

“You only want me because I’m your super special soulmate, made exactly for you!”

“Silly boy.”

Lucero’s face softens and he lays his palms flat, like he’s offering himself.

“Don’t you see it's the other way around? I was born for you. I died and became a vampire to know you, in every way that I can. My very purpose on this earth is you.”

Those damned tears wobble my vision.

“Sounds pretty toxic, dude. Maybe you need therapy before a new boyfriend.”

“Alright, I think we should all cool down,”

Kai he interjects smoothly.

Lucero closes his eyes, trying to find patience.

“This is going all wrong again, I just need to explain and then you’ll understand. Why don’t you dry off first, and we can talk when you're more comfortable.”

“You don’t want me, Lucero!”

I scream. He opens his mouth to speak but I cut him off.

“Take away this soulmate thing, would you look at me twice?”

“Or keep fighting, I guess,”

Kai grumbles.

“Are you asking if I think you’re beautiful? Because yes, Golden. You steal my breath, I’ve never met anyone as beautiful.”

“What about your other soulmates?”

I’m shouting, I can’t stop myself even if a part of me wants to fall into his arms and be loved.

But to not even be second place, but fourth? To not really be picked, but be some cosmic obligation? How could I live with that?

“Yes,”

Lucero replies curtly.

“they were beautiful, is that what you want to hear?”

‘Not really,’ I think, a bitter part of myself wishing they didn’t even exist, so he can never compare and find me lacking.

“Your beauty is otherworldly, and more than that I see how kind you are,”

Lucero says, voice softening, tender.

“How sweet.”

“It isn’t even about how I look.”

I slap a hand over my chest.

“It’s because everything you feel is because of the soul thing, isn't it?”

“Golden, mate, c’mon. Let’s stop this.”

Kai tugs at my hand.

I pull away from Kai.

“It’s true!”

“You’re being stubborn, Golden.”

It was the first time Lucero aimed real frustration at me, and I liked it—liked that he wasn’t just some man-shaped lump of clay whose only desire seemed to please me.

“And you aren’t?”

I wave a hand in Lucero’s direction.

“How many street rats like me do you pass every day?”

This time he does grab my upper arm.

“Don’t call yourself such a thing.”

Kai moves to push Lucero off.

“Watch it!”

“This has nothing to do with you! Stay out of it,”

Lucero growls at Kai.

“Don’t shout at him!”

I snap.

“Tell me why I’m different, Lucero! You didn’t get to know me, you have no idea what I’m like or what I care about. I’m just the lucky owner of a soul fate, or whoever, forced you to want!”

Lucero lets out a frustrated sound and moves back a few paces, raking his fingers through his dark hair.

“This is my fault, I’m doing a terrible job at explaining. Golden, please, I’m sorry for making you feel like…like you’re trapped. But you mean everything to me, I have waited for you since—”

“Since your other soulmate died!”

I cry out.

“You’ve had so many bloody soulmates at this point, you might as well have a factory churning them out! Same original recipe, but in new flavours.”

A pounding thumps between my brows.

“How many sides do you have if you can fit into all these different lives?”

Hurt flashes in his eyes.

“Do not devalue what I shared with my soulmates. Or what I share with you, though you are so ready to toss it aside.”

His voice drops, low with a quiet anger, insulted.

Shame, ugly and twisted, coils in my stomach. How does Lucero make me feel so wanted and unwanted at the same time?

“We’re going in circles,”

he says, trying to shake away that anger, seeking patience again.

“Kai is right. You need rest, then when I explain things correctly you’ll understand why I love you.”

Kai frees a breath.

“Finally you’re making sense—”

“Whoa, love?”

I back up, creating more distance between us.

“We haven’t even spent a day together.”

“Because you keep pushing me away!”

he fires back, which seems to surprise Lucero and he shakes himself out of it.

“Golden, please. You feel our connection, your pull to me. Why don’t you want this?”

“When you were human you changed yourself to fit into the lives of women, then stole their money. As a vampire you changed yourself for each of your…your soulmates.”

I met his intense blue gaze.

“You say you love me, but do you even know who you are?”

He stumbles back as if I'd slapped him, hurt reflecting back at me. I regret it, want to take it back, reach out to apologise. Lucero would never hurt me.

But his stare sharpens and I hold back.

“I offer you a palace but you demand the gutter where I found you?”

“It was actually a park,”

I shot back, jaw clenching to stop more tears falling, “bellend.”

He laughs without humour.

“Always hiding behind your little jokes, aren’t you, Golden? Well I see you, too. A small boy who uses sarcasm to push everyone away. A tale as old as time. Maybe you’re right, maybe you aren’t unique. That’s how you see yourself isn’t it? Just another factory-made copy.”

“Way too far, Lucero,”

Kai spits. Moving so his body shields mine.

I swallow back the hurt, clench my fists. Anything to not crumble on the floor.

“Fuck. You.”

He stares at me for a long time— I wonder what he sees, probably the truth I’d been trying to hide since I was slumming in that mansion; I was the ghost haunting those walls and he’s wasting his time on someone who isn’t real.

Lucero curses in another language before storming towards the door. But before he passes through the frame he hesitates, large shoulders tense.

Wrapping my arms around myself, my eyes linger on his back hoping for…what? I don’t deserve anything anyway.

With one final look, he leaves the way we came, leaving me alone with Kai, and it’s a confirmation of everything I’d been telling him. I always knew if I pushed hard enough Lucero would see that I’m not worth the hassle.

Everyone leaves, why not my soulmate, too.

Kai’s hand lays on my shoulder, firm in his comfort but gentle.

“Oh, Golden…”

“That didn’t go well.”

I turn to find a man standing by the door. He’s tall, lithe, painfully beautiful; long black hair, pale brown skin, eyes as dark as a black mirror.

“Let me guess, another vampire?”

Kai asks, and moves so he’s between me and the newcomer.

The man strolls forward, graceful as a dancer.

“I’m Ramy.”

If only I could fight off the wave of incredible jealousy, but I’m too tired. Lucero calls me beautiful when he lives with this man? I look down, not even bothering to hide the tears this time.

What am I even crying about? I’m the one who forced Lucero away.

“Hey, Golden, it’s all going to be okay,”

Kai reassures me.

“You and Lucero are…listen, it’s been a long day and you’re soaking wet.”

I don’t trust myself to speak, every time I open my mouth all I taste are tears.

“C’mon, mate. Lemme take care of you, okay?”

Kai offers.

“A nice warm shower then I’m sure Ramy will get you some food. I bet a soft bed, too.”

A comforting hand lays on my cheek and I lift my crying eyes.

“He doesn’t want me…”

Ramy smiles sadly.

“Oh, Golden. He told me you were sweet.”

“Who?”

I ask, even though I already know.

Ramy gives me a kind look, before leading me deeper into the mansion.