Page 6 of Wolf’s Providence (The Shadowridge Peak #3)

FIVE

Willow

I woke to the sound of the wind bashing and whistling as it rushed over the bunker. The snow falling heavily against my window let me know that the weather on the mountains in November was no fun. I was glad Lily had left, because I had no idea how these people on this mountain survived over winter. I feared it may involve a lot of them shifting to their wolf form to keep warm, and she didn’t need to see that.

The fact that they weren’t people should probably be the answer, but still, they weren’t invincible.

Struggling to sit up, I rubbed my chest, trying to soothe my racing heart. Sweat clung to my skin. My body was cool in the room, but the fear of my dream still lingered.

With a shaky breath, I pushed my hair back with trembling fingers. Slowly, I pushed myself up further on the bed, wincing at the pain from my abdomen and then scowling when I remembered it wasn’t real pain. Although, even though I looked healed on the outside, there was a lot to be said for internal injuries.

With great effort, pushing the covers off me, I swung my legs over the side of the bed and tried to muster the courage to stand unaided. It may have looked like nothing happened, but my body was protesting loudly that I was not ready to stand.

“Stop being so weak,” I grumbled to myself, and slowly, tentatively, I stretched my leg, my toe grazing the hard floor like I was a nervous swimmer, testing the waters before getting in.

If Caleb were here, he would be hiding his grin at how silly I looked, I just knew it. I winced again, this time at the memory of Caleb. Thinking of him was still painful. It conjured every detail of that night, which was burned into my mind. The pain, the blood, the way I had been ready to slip into the darkness, believing this was the end. Caleb holding me, begging me to hold on, his eyes wide with fear.

Telling him I loved him.

My cheeks burned in remembrance at that confession. And then…nothing.

Until I woke up, thinking I was severely damaged with life-threatening injuries. Only to learn I was healed.

Because of him.

My fingers pressed into my abdomen. Doc had removed the bandages, so there was no barrier between my fingers and the raised skin where the worst of the wounds had been.

Biting my lip, I tried to stop the thudding of my heart. I was supposed to die in his arms that night.

I knew it deep down. I wasn’t being dramatic; I knew in my bones, that night on Shadowridge Peak was supposed to be my last.

And Caleb had done what Caleb does—he wrote his own script, and instead of letting me go, he saved me.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I tried to ignore the flood of emotions that came whenever I thought about Caleb. They were so overwhelming, too much and too fast, and I was constantly struggling to find my footing. One second, I was angry—furious at him for leaving, especially after everything that had just happened—and then…there was that something else. That something that dwelled deep within me, pulling at me, the need I had for him, the feelings I tried to ignore, but other memories, of us in the car, entwined with each other, made my chest tighten whenever I thought about him.

But truthfully, whether I felt one emotion or the other, I didn’t understand any of it.

With a deep breath, I pushed myself off the bed. I needed to stop being weak, and the first step—pun intended—was to get out of this bed. The dream that woke me lingered and, with it, the strange awareness I’d had since I opened my eyes that first day in the bunker. It was as if I weren’t completely alone, even when there was no one around. I thought it would fade, but as the days passed, it only grew stronger.

I knew it wasn’t a figment of my imagination. I knew it from the way Cannon watched me as he spoke to me. It wasn’t in my mind. I could feel Caleb.

The shaman had confirmed it, we were connected, and as I felt Caleb, did he feel me?

My knees were shaky, but slowly, so very carefully, I edged away from the bed. One step then two, I inched closer to the bathroom. I was panting by the time I got there, which with everything they had told me, irritated me the most. I wasn’t hurt anymore, so why was I being so pathetic?

At the door to the bathroom, I stopped in sudden revelation. I may have been healed from my injuries by Caleb’s blood, but I was still me . Which meant I still had ME, and as my frazzled brain accepted my revelation, the aches and pains I could feel suddenly made more sense.

I wasn’t crazy.

Okay, I was perhaps more unhinged than any other twenty-six-year-old female, but I had shit happening that was supernatural .

In the bathroom, I answered the call of my bladder, and then while washing my hands, I decided to also wash my face. Eyeing the shower, I wondered if I had the strength to do it. I needed to feel clean.

Flicking the lock on the door, I pulled off my jammies, and after letting the water run, I stepped under the spray of water. The first few moments were honestly the first time I felt truly like myself. My body relished the heat, and my mind felt clear. My toiletries were in the bathroom, and reaching for my usual body wash, I started the slow methodical process of washing.

As I fell into the easy sense of the familiar, my mind wandered back to Caleb. Even here, I could still feel him. Not in the literal sense. It wasn’t as if I could feel his actual touch or hear him or anything like that, but I knew I was connected to him. I hoped no one ever asked me how often I reached out for it, trying to feel him.

Trying to find him.

Strangely, the reality that I was inexplicably linked to him didn’t scare me as much as the fact he had healed me.

Standing under the warm water for several minutes, with my head tipped back, I savored the quiet. I could learn to ignore the thrum under my skin. Couldn’t I? I was pretty stubborn when I wanted to be. I could ignore him.

Eventually.

Hearing the door into the main room open brought me back to the here and now. Reluctantly, I turned off the shower and took my time drying myself. I hadn’t brought in clean jammies since this had never been my plan, so I pulled on my old ones and opened the door.

Doc was on the seat by my bed. His hair was mussed like he’d just woken up. His face was its usual calm mask, but I saw the flicker of concern in his eyes as he watched me walk slowly across the room.

“What woke you?” he asked me as I lingered by the bed, hoping my clutching of the rail went unnoticed. “You okay there?” He gestured to my firm grip, and I knew he had missed nothing.

“Yeah, a little bit unsteady, but doing okay.”

“Dream? Nightmare? Weather?” he asked, pulling me back to his first question.

I shrugged, turning to look at the snow-laden window. “Does it matter?”

When I turned back to him as he sat in silence, I noticed his gaze had sharpened. “I know it’s a lot to process, Willow. Physically, you’re healing well, but emotionally…”

The unfinished sentence hung in the air between us. I didn’t need him to complete it. I knew exactly what he meant. I hadn’t had the chance to process everything… Sure, I’d been laid up in bed recovering, with nothing else to think about, but my mind was still stuck on that night. My attention was still fixed on the fact that I could feel the bond between us growing stronger every day.

“My ME is what I’ve been feeling,” I told him, changing the subject. “I think I was so focused on the injury I forgot that I have a chronic illness.” I gave a self-deprecating shrug. “Maybe wishful thinking on my part that when Caleb healed me, he healed all of me.”

Doc sat back, his frown marring his smooth complexion. “It’s possible that his blood could only heal his injury,” he mused. He met my confused look with a look of excitement. “Which is what we knew; shifters can’t heal humans, and if you are feeling you’re ME, then it’s proof he hasn’t healed you. But the injury that Caleb caused you, he fixed that. Isn’t that fascinating?”

“Honestly? No.” My unenthusiasm didn’t stop Doc’s.

“When Caleb gave you his blood, he gave you a part of himself, something powerful. Blood is powerful, it’s what keeps us alive after all. His blood in your system created a connection?—”

“We were already connected.” I ignored his look of surprise. “Have you forgotten that I’ve been drawing Caleb since before I met him?”

Doc was nodding before I finished speaking. “Yes, I know, and I maybe overlooked that when I’ve been thinking about this. But you’re right, the connection was there, and his blood makes it…”

“Makes it?”

“Tenable?”

“What do you mean?” I asked him carefully.

“You’re already linked, but the blood makes the connection you two had before more binding. Maybe?” His look was appraising. “Well, I’m way out of my depth, but I think…I think it would be fair to say that what’s between you now, the bond, it won’t be easily broken.”

I swallowed hard, my throat too tight to speak. Bound to him. Doc’s words echoed in my head, making my heart race again. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to be relieved or terrified.

“So…I’m stuck? Like this? Forever?” From the sound of my voice, I had failed to keep the panic from it. “That’s what the shaman said, but I was hoping science would prove him wrong.”

“I don’t think it will.” He gave me a sad smile. “Maybe I’m wrong. I mean, I have no research to base my theory on. Maybe it’s not forever; maybe it only lingers as long as it exists between the two of you. Maybe it’s up to both of you to decide what this means.”

“Maybe Caleb doesn’t care that this has happened.” There was more bitterness in my voice than there should have been.

“Do you have feelings for him?”

It was such a non-doctorly question I gaped at him longer than I should. Trying to hide my reaction to the question, I got back into bed, choosing to sit rather than lie.

“Willow, stop stalling.”

Busted . I rubbed my temple to ease the tension building there and closed my eyes. “I’m not stalling. Headache.” Peeking at him from under my lashes, I saw his unimpressed look. “I don’t know why he would leave.”

I saw a flash of something—pity probably—crossing his face. “Maybe he’s struggling exactly as you are, and let’s not forget, he has his demons. I don’t know what he’s done, but I don’t think it would have been easy. He may be struggling as much as you are. Maybe sharing his blood took its toll.”

“He doesn’t need to deal with it alone.”

“He broke pack law,” Doc reminded me. “One, you’re human, you shouldn’t know anything about us. Two, even if you weren’t human, blood sharing…it’s not common amongst pack.”

“Why?”

“You share blood with any of your past boyfriends?”

“Ewww, no!”

“Then why would we?” Doc’s grin at my assumption was wide. “We’re shifters, we’re not debased animals.”

My cheeks burned at the reprimand. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine. You reminded me that you are clueless about our world.” Doc looked at his hands, which were linked together on his lap. “Which makes it all the more dangerous.”

“Are we snowed in?” I asked suddenly. “Am I here for the whole of winter?”

Doc looked up at me. He looked like I wasn’t going to enjoy what he said next. “It’s not fully winter yet.”

“Right.” My eye roll told him what I thought of that comment. “Can I get down?”

“If you leave within the next couple of weeks.”

“And I get to leave?” I asked hesitantly. “With everything that’s happening?”

“The shaman has been, and he told Cannon he will tell him what he learns.” Doc stood, placing his hand on my shoulder. “You’ve been through a lot, Willow. More than most, and that’s before Caleb struck you. You need time to heal. You’re getting stronger every day, but you still need time. Rest.”

I nodded, knowing everything he said was true, but healing felt impossible when everything inside me was a tangled mess of confusion and fear.

After Doc left, I got back up, and after retrieving a sketch pad, I settled back against the pillows. The dull ache in my abdomen throbbed steadily, reminding me of what had happened. The itch under my skin persisted, pulsing faintly, but it was low, as if he was resting.

The thought made me pause. Was Caleb sleeping? Was that why it was just a slow gentle beat? The idea that I may know more than just being aware of him startled me.

What else would we be able to feel? How deep did it run? Would I know what he was thinking? Because for someone like Caleb, knowing what went on in his head would be a welcome perk.

Groaning loudly in frustration, I opened my sketchbook. Then I had to get up and get my pencils. When I was back in bed, I was feeling less benevolent towards the man who was linked to me.

If he were here, we could learn together. If this was something I had to live with, for the rest of my life , I wanted to know more. Caleb didn’t have the right to take that off me by staying away. He didn’t have the right to make all my decisions and choose how I lived my life.

I knew he would be feeling guilty for what he did. I knew he would be punishing himself more than anyone else could, and I knew he was too thickheaded to listen to anyone else about it.

And there was little I could do about it except tell him that I didn’t blame him. If he ever deigned to show up again.

I hadn’t lied. Not the night it happened, not the times Cannon or Doc had raised it. I did not blame Caleb for what happened to me on that mountain.

But I may never forgive him for leaving me behind.