Page 143 of Wild Like Us

I settle with, “You’re not going to ask what Charlie has on me?”

“I thought about it,” Beckett says, “but I don’t really deserve your secrets, and I think I need to earn this one.”

I pinch the bridge of my nose harder, emotion trying to swell up. “I’m so fucking bad at friendships,” I mutter to myself, but I know he can hear. And I ask, “Have I shut you out too long? Am I being unreasonable?”

“Yes,” Charlie says.

“No,” Beckett tells me on the phone. “I love you, Sulli, because you don’t take any bullshit, and I flung a lot of shit at you.” He sounds choked up. “I’m not any better at friendships, you know. I compete with every guy at my company. I have protective blinders up every time I talk to someone. Like they can’t see below the bottoms of my eyelashes. I’m tired…so fucking tired of feeling on guard all the time. You’re my best friend. I don’t have to have any blinders with you.” Except when it comes to cocaine.

He’s never talked to me about it. I don’t know if he will ever confide in me. It hurts to think we could become friends again, but not like before. Not the kind of friends who’d share everything in our lives.

The pain in my chest blossoms like an ugly glower. “I have to go,” I say suddenly.

“Okay. I understand.” I hear him take an audible breath, but his voice sounds tight. “Tell Charlie he’s an asshole for me.”

“Will fucking do.”

“Bye, Sul.”

“Bye, Beckett.” I hang up and rise to a full stance.

Charlie stares from me to the cell in my hand like he can manifest his brother in this bait & tackle shop.

“We’re even,” I say.

Charlie’s lips press together, and then he says, “For every day I have to keep your secret, you have to call my brother.”

Anger flares. “That wasn’t the deal, Charlie.”

“It’s a new deal.” He pulls a sweater over his head, the color of winterberries. While he fits his arms through the holes, he adds, “Take it or leave it. It’s up to you.”

I have a feeling he’ll just find a new creative way to get me to talk to Beckett if I don’t.

And anyway, this deal is in my favor. I have more reassurance that he won’t tell anyone about the kiss. Not if there’s something consistently in it for him.

He has to know he gave me some power. Maybe he even wanted that.

I don’t try to descend inside Charlie’s head. All I do is hold out my pinky finger. “Deal.”

He stares at my finger.

Rolling his eyes, Charlie locks his pinky with mine.

33

BANKS MORETTI

Charlie Cobalt sawAkara and Sulli kiss.

Fuck my motherfucking life.

I’ll admit a seed of jealousy was planted somewhere on this trip, but itbarelygrew. It was a sprout.

My little sprout-ling of jealousy just ate fertilizer and grew into a giant beanstalk with the world’s longest thorns. And somehow, it’s growing inside me. Twisting around my organs.

Green doesn’t even look good on me. I prefer blue.But I can’t help it. I’m stupidly envious.

Truth: I wish Charlie caught me kissing Sulli. It wouldn’t solve a goddamn thing, but it’d help the knot in my throat.