Page 53 of Wife After Wife

Afterward, as they lay on the sofa in the lamplight, Percy said, “That was incredible. You should get promoted more often.”

CHAPTER 19

Katie

April 1993

Katie snipped one final tulip to add to the flowers in her basket. The garden had burst into life after the long, dark days of winter. It amazed her, how nature bounced back with such vigor. Perhaps there was a lesson for her in that.

She made a mental note to thank Mr. Mayhew for his sterling work. Since last June, she’d been unable to find the energy for gardening. Even deadheading a faded rose was beyond her. They’d employed a housekeeper too. Sadie now did everything Katie no longer could, including looking after Maria.

Harry had given her two options: send their daughter away to school, or hire someone. Katie was grateful she now didn’t have to cope with the school run, playdates, children’s parties—any of it. If she wanted, she could sleep until lunchtime, and often did.

She was overwhelmed by the pointlessness of everything (especially herself), and the sadness of life. The antidepressants had helped a little, enabling her to get out of bed at some point during the day. And when she did, she would walk, alone in her world, to church, where she’d light candles for her dead babies. It was soothing, but she couldn’t give formor words to her thoughts. Her mind was empty, a void into which she dared not look.

Harry had work-therapied his way through his grief for Max. When Katie had failed to do the same, he became exasperated. Finally the pleas to make an effort had given way to a distance that now seemed impossible to bridge. Harry had washed his hands of her.

Cassandra had gone off to rehab with things between them unresolved. It had apparently been a success, and Katie was as pleased for Cassandra as her dull senses would allow. Tonight, she and Charles were coming for dinner (Sadie was cooking). Katie vaguely wondered why her old friend hadn’t been over before. Harry and Charles’s relationship had been sorely tested, thanks to whatever had gone on with Megan, but now their friendship seemed largely restored. Perhaps it was time for the four of them to properly reconnect.

•••

“You look nice,” Harry said. “Thanks for making an effort.”

They were in their bedroom, changing for the evening. It was the first time he’d looked at her properly, or said anything complimentary, in weeks, but he sounded like a polite stranger.

“Thank you. I like your new haircut, by the way.”

“Do you? Someone at work said it makes me look like David Beckham. That’s got to be a good thing, right?”

For a moment Katie pictured Harry at work, surrounded by talented, fashionable young people, having a laugh, talking about what they’d be doing on the weekend. Then coming home to this melancholy house, quiet as the grave. Poor Harry.

“I’m so sorry,” she blurted out.

“What for?”

“Being like this.” She felt tears welling up. “It’s taken me so long this time, but I think I might be turning a corner.”

Harry busied himself with the buttons on his shirt cuffs. “It’s fine.Just try and relax tonight.” He pulled on a soft gray sweater. It really suited him. “I’ll go and sort the wine,” he said, without meeting her eye. “See you downstairs.”

Katie swallowed and stared at her reflection in the mirror. Was it worth the bother of a little lipstick? Would Harry even notice? Was it too late?

She heard the murmur of voices downstairs—Charles’s and Cassandra’s voices. At once she was transported back to June, and froze. She shut her eyes.Deep breaths.

There were footsteps on the stairs.

“Katie?”

She and Cassandra searched each other’s eyes for a moment, then Cassandra’s arms went out and they were crying and hugging.

“Oh, Katie, I’ve missed you so much,” said Cassandra, sniffing and wiping her eyes.

“Me too,” said Katie, passing her a box of tissues.

Her friend looked so different. Her fair hair, always blow-dried into stylish submission, had been allowed to go its own way. Curls now fizzed around her face, on which there wasn’t a trace of makeup. She wore a floaty dress and suede pixie boots, and there were beaded leather bracelets on her wrists.

“Gosh, Cass, you look so different!”

“That’s because Iamdifferent. I can’t wait to tell you all about it. But... you first. Charles said you’ve been terribly down. Is that starting to get better?”