Page 19 of Wife After Wife

Another rush of anger. “She’s a barmaid, for god’s sake! You don’t need qualifications for that. Apart from badly dyed blond hair and cheap clothes. How much have you been paying yourprostitute?” She spat it out.

“That’s not worthy of you, Katie.”

“Perhaps you don’t know me anymore. You’ve hardly been here, so that would make sense.”

They seemed to have reached an impasse, and a heavy silence filled the room. Katie’s eyes slid past Harry’s lowered ones to the wall beyond, to the painting of the English village.

“I want to move to the country.”

He looked up in surprise. “What? Why?”

“It’ll be better for Maria, and it’ll be a fresh start. We’ll move to somewhere with a fast commuter link, have a new life, more children. I’m terribly hurt, Harry, and angry, but I don’t want a divorce. I’ll never divorce you. It’s against everything I believe in, and... despite everything, I still love you.”

“I don’t want a divorce either, Katie. I still love you too. You believe that, don’t you? But must wereallymove out of town?”

When she didn’t answer, he continued. “It’s difficult to explain, about Bennie. I guess I just needed someone to be with who wasn’t part of my normal life.”

“Isn’t it more because she wasn’t doing it to get pregnant? Because that’s what the problem was, right? You wanted all the fun and none of the angst and responsibility. Must’ve been a terrible shock when you found out you were going to have not one but two children.”

“Look, we’re only going round in circles now. I’m not against the idea of moving, though we’d have to sell Berryhurst.”

“Give the tenants notice. I don’t want to wait, Harry. I’m done with London. I’ve been mostly unhappy here.”

“Unhappy?” Harry looked stung. “Why would you have been unhappy?”

“Recovering from Summer’s death? Two miscarriages? Coping with Maria by myself because you were never home? How was I supposed to be happy?”

“A comfortable life, nice job, good friends? Doesn’t any of that count? For Chrissake, Katie, there’s more to life than babies.”

“Family iseverythingto me, Harry. Do you not understand that, after all these years?”

They stared at each other, until Harry dropped his eyes.

Katie felt calmer for having released the bile. But she also felt a deep, gut-wrenching sadness that Harry had driven her to behave in a way that wasn’t her. She was a kind, gentle person. Everyone said so. Now she felt the last of her old, trusting self evaporate into the ether, replaced by a person she’d never expected to be. Suspicious, angry. A little spiteful. She hadn’t meant what she’d said about being unhappy. There had been plenty of good times. Those words had been squarely aimed at Harry’s precious conscience, designed to hurt.

She hated that he’d done this to her. Hated that she’d never again be able to give herself, heart and soul, to Harry. From now on she’d always hold something back.

CHAPTER 8

Katie

Stop fretting, darling,” Cassandra said as Katie watched the nanny pushing Maria on a toddler swing. “Look away! Look atme. Tell me all your gossip.” She pushed her sunglasses up onto her head and widened her eyes at Katie.

Things One and Two were at their grandparents’, and Cassandra had come over to have lunch with Katie, bringing her nanny, Debbie, to take care of Maria. They’d brought sandwiches and a bottle of wine to the park.

“You haven’t heard, then?”

“About what?” Cassandra leaned forward across the picnic table. “You got something juicy for me?”

“Doesn’t get much juicier.” Katie gave a strangled laugh, then said, “Well, I can’t say you didn’t warn me.”

Cassandra’s smile disappeared. “Oh. Oh, shit.”

There was something about the way she said it, about the way she sat back a little, as if taking cover from what was to come. As if she knew what that was.

“You knew. Oh my god, you knew.”

“What are we talking about here?” Cassandra didn’t meet Katie’s eye.