Page 43

CHAPTER 43

DINARA

The noise of the evening fades into a quiet hum. The guests are long gone, leaving us alone.

The space between us feels suddenly endless. Even as the walls of my bedroom close in around me, I reach into a drawer to retrieve a nightshirt.

Glancing at Cillian, I want nothing more than to jump into his arms. To kiss him. To run my fingers through his hair while he looks into my eyes. To feel everything I should feel with my husband.

But instead, I find myself filled with nervousness.

“Do you need help with your zipper?” he asks, undoing his cuffs, his gaze locking on to me with an intensity that makes me flush.

I clear my throat, suddenly aware that there’s no way I can reach the zipper on my back.

“Please.” I turn to face him just as he steps behind me.

His mouth brushes against my throat while his fingers glide over my bare arms, sending shivers through me. “You were the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen.”

I’m hardly able to pull in a breath from his words, the gruff way he says them. Every inch of me wants him, needs him, but I won’t let him have me. Not this easily.

“We don’t have to do this. Okay?” I say. “We’re married in name only. That’s all this is.”

When his mouth lowers to the space where my shoulder and neck meet, I let out a pant, dropping my head back against his chest.

“That’s not what it is for me.”

“Well, that’s too bad,” I whisper. “Because Konstantin and I made a deal, remember? We stay married for a year, and after that, if I still want a divorce, he’ll give it to me.”

He lets out a growl, flipping me around to meet his steely gaze. Roughly, he grasps my jaw, bringing his mouth close to mine. “I’ll never let that happen.”

“And how will you stop it?”

His thumb brushes my lips. “By making you fall in love with me.”

My lashes flutter, body coiling as he pulls me flush against him.

“Come to bed with me.” He kisses the corner of my mouth, while my body strains and throbs for him.

“I’m not just gonna jump into bed with you. You’re gonna have to earn it this time.” My skin prickles the more he looks at me with that lustful gaze.

“And how does a man get to earn this perfect body? Because I’ll wait a lifetime if I have to.”

Everything he says just makes me want him more, but I promised myself that I’d only sleep with him again if I feel I can trust him, and I’m definitely not there.

He spins me back around, unzipping the back of my dress and kissing my neck, his breath hot as the dress starts to fall. When I stand there in nothing but a white thong, he mutters a curse.

“How the hell am I supposed to just look at you and not want to bend you over and fuck you?”

With a curl of my lips, I slip a hand behind me and grab his cock, squeezing it tight. “Patience is a virtue, they say.”

“I’m a desperate man.” His voice is pained, almost pleading. He faces me, his gaze intense and full of something I can’t quite place. “So tell me what to do, Dinara. Tell me how I can win you back.” His hand gently cups my nape, his touch warm and familiar, yet it doesn’t dull the ache in my chest. “What can I do to make you believe that I’ll never walk away from you again?”

A sharp pang lances through me. I swallow the hurt, the heartache he caused.

“Beg.” I quirk a brow, daring him.

His eyes flare with something close to desperation. “Please, I’ll?—”

I shake my head, cutting him off. “No. On your knees.”

For a moment, he stands there, his expression a mix of disbelief and determination, before a smirk plays at the corner of his mouth.

Slowly, deliberately, he lowers himself to the floor. The sight sends a thrill racing through me. This powerful, ruthless Mafia man, feared by so many, is on his knees. For me.

His submission, the unspoken proof of how far he’ll go to keep me, crashes over me like a tidal wave.

He reaches up, grabbing my hips, his eyes locking on to mine, steady and vulnerable.

“Please, Dinara Quinn,” he says, thick with longing, tugging my hand in his. “Come to bed with me. Tonight, and every night after. Because sleeping without you has been pure torture.”

The words hang between us, charged with everything we’ve been through and everything we still could be.

“What else?” I whisper, the strength I want to project slipping through the cracks.

“I fucked up.” Every syllable is thick with regret. “I know I hurt you, baby. I own that. But not for a second did I stop caring. I’ll drop to my knees every damn day if that’s what it takes to bring you back to me.”

A sting pricks behind my eyes, but I blink it away, refusing to let the tears win.

“And I need you to understand, wanting to share a bed with you isn’t just about how much I want you. It’s because I need to hold you, to wake up beside you. I need you next to me to feel whole.”

Oh, God.

“I never moved on, Dinara. There was never anyone else. Only you.”

Every inch of me battles against the emotions threatening to break through.

“But that’s okay,” he continues, and my heart stumbles as he slowly rises to his feet. His fingers tilt my chin up, guiding me to meet his stormy gaze. “Take your time. I’ll wait, no matter how long it takes.”

Then, with a tenderness that shakes me to my core, he presses a kiss to my forehead. It’s soft, lingering, stirring something deep inside me. A battle I’m not sure I’m ready to face.

He pulls back, but his gaze stays locked on mine—intense, searching, as if trying to piece together the fragments of the girl he once knew.

His jaw twitches.

There’s no way in hell I can walk away from him right now. All I want is to be in his arms, even if only for tonight.

“Okay.” The word leaves me on a shaky breath. “I’ll come to bed with you, but only to sleep.”

His hands hold my face, thumbs sweeping over my cheeks with unparalleled devotion. “That’s all I want. Just to hold you.”

A lump clings to the back of my throat. I desperately want to love him, but I need to be sure.

I need to know he won’t destroy me again before I risk handing him my heart a second time.

* * *

CILLIAN

I've been awake for hours, simply content to watch Dinara sleep. I meant every word I said to her, and having her here means at least some part of her believed me. That’s enough.

Reaching out, I brush a stray strand of hair from her cheek. She stirs, a soft groan escaping her lips. I curse myself for nearly waking her and pull my hand back, forcing myself to settle. But just as I close my eyes, her voice cuts through the silence.

“Stop.”

The word is faint, barely above a whisper, but laced with panic.

My body tenses.

She murmurs it again, louder this time, and my pulse hammers in my ears. Still asleep, she cries out, her face twisting in pain.

What the hell?

“Please,” she begs. “Don't...”

Terror threads through her, and something inside me snaps. A switch flips, the violent need to protect her surging to the surface. Whoever did this—whoever put that fear in her voice—will pay.

“Mom! No!” she calls out.

My hand gently caresses her arm, trying to wake her, but the sound of her distress only intensifies.

“Shh.” I move in closer, wrapping my arms around her, inhaling the floral scent of her hair as I tighten my grasp, letting her feel me, letting her know she’s safe. “You’re okay, baby. I’m here.”

With a sharp gasp, her lids snap open, her chest rising and falling in frantic breaths.

She’s not fully awake, not yet, and the confusion in her gaze only breaks me further. She doesn’t even see me at first.

“Dinara?” I let her go for a moment.

When she finally faces me, her expression is full of fear, and tears are clinging to her lower lashes. “What happened?”

“You were having a nightmare.”

She wipes her eyes quickly, as if just realizing she’s crying. “I’m sorry if I woke you.”

She sits up when I do, glancing down at herself as though embarrassed.

“Hey, no.” I shake my head, my thumb brushing over her hand as I take it in mine. “You didn’t wake me. And even if you had, I would want you to. I’m here, Dinara. I’m always going to be here.”

She lets out a sob, and my chest tightens at the sound. I pull her into my arms, my chest warm and solid against hers and I hold her close. She exhales a weighty sigh, pressing her cheek against me, and for a moment, we’re just here, together, wrapped up in the comfort of each other.

“Do you remember what the nightmare was about?”

She nods against me. “It’s the same one I’ve had on and off for years.”

“Wanna talk about it?” My fingers trace up her arm, the feeling of her skin making me come alive.

Her eyes meet mine, and for a brief moment, I see the trust in her gaze. Trust with whatever she has been bottling up inside.

“It’s about my father…killing my mother.” The rawness in her tone clings to every syllable, cutting straight through me. “I couldn’t stop him.”

“You were just a kid. You have to forgive yourself.”

She tugs back just slightly, her tear-filled eyes searching mine. “Have you forgiven yourself?”

Her words land hard.

“No,” I answer honestly, my throat tight. “But I wasn’t as young as you were.”

“That doesn’t matter, does it?” Her fingers graze over my stubble, her touch light and electric. “We did what we could with what we had.”

The truth stings, but it doesn’t make the burden of our pasts any easier to carry.

“I thought I saw him,” she goes on.

“What?” That instantly gets my attention. “Who?”

“My father.” She visibly shudders.

“Where?”

“At the wedding.” Anxiety settles on her features.

“That’s impossible,” I say, trying to reassure her, though doubt creeps into my own mind. “Everyone who came in went through security. But I’ll have my people look at the footage. If he was there, we’ll find out.”

She exhales slowly, her body relaxing a little, but there’s still an edge of fear in her voice. “Thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me. As your husband, it’s my job to protect you.” My palm runs up her back, knowing I’d die for her before I let someone hurt her. “If he comes near you, Dinara, I’ll kill him with my bare hands. I swear to God, I will. That goes for anyone.”

She burrows deeper into my chest. “I know.”

“You’re not alone anymore. I’m here.” I kiss her forehead, my lips brushing her skin. “Close your eyes, baby. It’s okay to dream.”

She smiles up at me—a real smile, the kind I remember from before. The ones that made everything feel possible.

Then she closes her eyes and I hold her all night, not sleeping a wink.