Page 19

CHAPTER 19

DINARA

“Glad you came with us tonight,” Natalia says, tucking her phone away and crossing her legs.

Alisa gives a slow clap, eyeing my long trench coat. “And can we talk about this outfit?”

She knows exactly what I’m hiding under it. If Cillian’s here, I’m going to make him regret ever walking away.

“It’s so risqué,” Natalia adds. “I love it! You’re really stepping out of your comfort zone just to spite him, huh?”

I shrug, half smiling. “What’s the point of being here if I can’t torture him?”

“Hell yeah!” Natalia high-fives me. “And we’re finding you a hot guy to make him jealous.”

The idea of being with someone else doesn’t interest me.

But seeing Cillian jealous? That, I can work with.

The limo stops in front of a random building in the middle of nowhere, a sea of cars filling the parking lot. Pavel opens the door for us.

“See you later, Ms. Marinova,” he says with a tip of his hat.

I wave as we head for the entrance, passing through security and stepping into the elevator.

Nerves flood me. Will he be here? Or am I just wasting my time?

When the doors open, I rush out, the girls hot on my heels. I head straight for the coat check, sliding off my coat to reveal the outfit underneath. Cillian’s going to lose it when he sees me.

Once through, we make our way into the main room. The smell of liquor and sex hangs in the air, the pulse of sensual music vibrating through the floor.

“Where do you want to go first?” Natalia asks, glancing around the room.

“Let’s grab drinks.” I nod toward the bar.

We head that way, but my eyes scan the crowd. Disappointment hits when I don’t see him, but I push it down, ordering drinks for all of us.

“He’ll be here,” Alisa murmurs in my ear. “I’m sure of it.”

“I don’t care,” I reply, but it’s a lie.

The more time passes, the more I feel like I’m dying inside. I shouldn’t care. I know that. But I do. It’s a sickness, wanting someone who doesn’t want you back.

We wander through the club, slipping in and out of rooms, some filled with people screwing, others tied in more extreme situations.

He’s not here. I can’t find him anywhere.

“I think I’m done.” A sigh escapes me. “We’ve been here for an hour, and nothing.”

“Okay.” Natalia throws an arm over my shoulder.

Just as we turn toward the main room, two men approach.

Neither of them is Cillian. They don’t walk like him, don’t have his size or presence. But they’re coming straight for us.

As we try to walk past, one of them places his hand on my hip.

“Hey, gorgeous,” he says, his dark eyes probing me up and down. “I’ve been watching you all night. Just wanted to tell you how—” He stops mid-sentence, his gaze flicking to something behind me.

“I’d get your hand off her if you want to keep it.”

A chill shoots up my spine. Every inch of my skin prickles.

It’s him.

Cillian.

The guy and his friend back away. “Whoa, didn’t realize she was taken.”

“I’m not.” I turn to glare at Cillian. “He must be confused.”

My hand drops to my hip, an eyebrow arched as I take him in.

His eyes? Icy cold. His jaw? Tight with restraint. And his mouth? God, it’s so firm, so damn kissable. I want to slap him just for making me want to taste him.

He grabs my hips and pulls my body to his.

“What the hell are you doing here, especially dressed like that?” His tone simmers, and a smile coils my lips.

“Oh, this?” I roll my fingers down the bare center of my chest, only wearing a tight black corset around my stomach with my breasts completely out, nipples covered by two black jewels.

His palm rolls down my back and he grabs a fistful of my ass, barely covered in a pair of tiny black shorts.

“You’re going home.” His tone is maddening and possessive, and I ache for it. For everything.

Every inch of me burns from his touch, wanting more, but I fight it. He doesn’t deserve it after what he did.

“I’m not going anywhere, and if you know what’s good for you…” I attempt to pry his hands off me, but they won’t budge. “I suggest you get your filthy palms off of me.”

His fingers slide up my back, slipping into my hair until he grasps it tight and whispers against my ear, “I thought you liked it when I’m filthy.”

My body prickles, my core throbbing, but I try not to show the effect he has on me. “We’re done, remember? Or should I remind you?”

He growls, squeezing my ass tighter. “I don’t need a reminder. I’m quite aware of who you are and why we can’t be together.”

His mouth feathers down my throat and my head falls backward, craving everything he gives. I’m weak, and I hate it.

When I look around, I realize it’s just us now. I didn’t even see the girls leave.

“Then what are you doing here?” I tug at his hair, drawing a deep, primal growl from him as his lips trail down my neck, sending shivers through me.

“I have no idea.” His sultry tone hums across my flesh, my skin burning and aching.

“That’s great. Let me go, damn it. I have things to do.” My continued attempts at escaping him are futile.

His eyes flash to mine, radiating with heat. He grabs my jaw, pinning me to his body. “Like what?”

“Well, you know what they say, right? The best way to get over someone is to get under?—”

“Don’t fucking finish that sentence, Dinara. I swear to God.”

I let out a laugh. “What will you do, hmm? Are you gonna spank me? Dump me? Oh, wait. You did that already.”

With both palms, I push at his rock-hard chest.

Is he even human? Clearly not, because he lacks a heart.

“Now let me go and enjoy my evening.”

“You can enjoy it with me.”

I snicker. “No, thanks. Find someone else to use for sex, because it won’t be me.”

“That’s not what this is.” His jaw stiffens.

“Then what is it? Tell me.” Anger traces every syllable. “We’re done, right? It’s over. So leave me the hell alone and let me move on with my life.”

“I wish I could…” he whispers, and I almost don’t catch it.

But I won’t let him do this to me. Make me fall back into this magic we created. I need to face the facts that he doesn’t want me anymore.

“I’ll make it easy on you, Cillian. We’re done. And if you think stopping me from talking to some guy will stop me from talking to the next one, you’re crazy. Because guess what?” I lean in close, staring up. “I’ve already fucked someone else, and he was so much better than you.”

In an instant, I’m up against the wall, his hand around my throat, his nostrils flaring.

“What?” His chest flies up and down with deep, growly breaths.

“That’s right, baby.” My mouth thins into a cocky smile.

“It hasn’t even been that long and you just…”

“Guess it didn’t take much to get over you.”

He grits his teeth, and I swear steam is coming out of his ears. This is too easy.

But a part of me hates hurting him. The part that still cares so much about him.

“Dinara, don’t fuck with me.”

“What? You suddenly care?” I narrow my gaze. “Because you can’t have it both ways. You can’t break up with me and then tell me I can’t be with anyone else.”

“Is that what you think?” He lets out a dry chuckle, inhaling deeply, as if steadying himself.

“You’re not being rational.”

“Never said I was, leannan.”

When he calls me that, when one of his hands gently cups my cheek, something inside me twists. The anger, the pain…it all melts together in a way I can’t fight.

Tears threaten, but I refuse to let them fall. The tenderness in his touch reminds me of everything I lost—and everything I can't seem to let go of.

“You expect me to be a spinster for the rest of my life?” My breath hitches as his lips linger just a whisper away from mine, sending a jolt of electricity through me.

“That doesn’t sound so bad.” The warmth of his breath brushes against me, and a wave of goosebumps blooms across my skin.

“Is that what you’re gonna do?” My hands tighten around his biceps, my fingers trembling against the heat of his skin. “You’re just going to be alone forever?”

“Nothing will ever come close to what we had, Dinara.”

His words hit me like a punch to the gut, freezing the air in my chest. As though he’s realized what he said, his eyes lock with mine, a hint of vulnerability there.

“This isn’t fair.” I shake my head, the tightness in my stomach knotting even more as I try to push him away, as though distance can somehow protect me from this pull.

All I want is for him to tell me he wants to try again, that he wants to fight for us, because no one else can ever make me feel the way he does.

“Fair has nothing to do with it.” He slips a hand into my shorts and panties, and I know what he’ll find.

“Always so wet for me.” He rubs circles around my clit, his husky baritone across my throat setting me ablaze. “Did he make you this wet?”

Those talented fingers slide inside me with a deep thrust.

“Did he make you scream like I did?” Another one sends me over the edge. “Did he make you squirt all over his mouth? His cock?”

Oh my God, what is he doing to me? I shouldn’t be letting this happen, but I can’t stop it either.

“Did you kiss him?” He backs away to stare at me, rage set deep in his irises. “Did you suck his dick?” The fingers around my throat tighten while he finger-fucks me until my eyes roll back. “Answer me.”

Pinching my clit, he waits for my reply while a cry dies off in my throat, the sensations he brings out overtaking my entire body.

“Yes.” My chin hikes up defiantly as I revel in his jealous state of fury. “I did it all.”

He drags my head back until the ache is painfully delicious. “What’s his name, Dinara?”

I laugh in a mocking tone. “Fuck off.”

A possessed growl escapes from his chest. “I’ll find out, baby, and I’m gonna kill him.”

Heat coils low in my belly. I’m enjoying his insanity.

“You’re mine. You’ll always be mine. You won’t touch anyone again. Do you understand me?”

My fingers curl around his throat, barely even making it across. “I was never yours, Cillian Quinn, and I never will be.”

“Wish that were true.”

He drives into me so hard, stars explode before my eyes, the world growing dimmer until all I feel is him. His voice. His touch. Just him.

“I can't get you out of my damn head.” His lips near mine, so close I can feel them.

“Maybe that's because you don't want to.”

“I fucking want to. I just can’t.” He grips my hair. “What have you done to me?”

Same thing you did to me.

But I don’t tell him that. Let him think I’ve gotten over him. That this is nothing but sex.

He flips me against the wall, his mouth latching to my throat as he fumbles behind me, like he’s undoing his pants until I feel the nudge of his erection against my back.

His fingers return to my center, rubbing me in slow tantalizing circles. “Look how needy you still are for me. I own you.”

My hand slides behind me until my fingers are curled around his thick, hard cock. “Look who’s talking.”

“Fuck, baby. You’re the only woman I can ever get hard for now.”

The rough timbre of his voice, the heat rolling off him, the unyielding desire in his gaze…it’s intoxicating. I want him so badly—not just in this way, but in every way that matters.

I tighten my grip, stroking him faster, desperate to taste him, to unravel him until he’s the one begging.

“Dinara…” My name leaves his lips in a rough, guttural sound as his hand wraps around my throat, his other trailing down to rip away my shorts.

I don’t care that he’s about to fuck me in front of people. It doesn’t even cross my mind that we’re not alone when I feel him guiding the tip of his erection where I need him most.

My head falls back, a sharp cry escaping as he stretches me, the cool bite of his piercings only amplifying the pleasure.

“You’re not wearing a condom.”

“Good.” He nips at my ear before thrusting into me in one powerful stroke, forcing a gasp from my lips as my trembling hand presses against the wall for support.

“You’re not worried?” I wrap the other arm around the back of his neck, desperate to pull him closer, until there’s nothing left between us.

“About what?” His teeth sink into my shoulder as his hips slam into me, fingers expertly working my clit while I struggle to find my words.

“That I slept with someone else. That maybe he didn’t use a condom either.” A moan slips from my lips as he drives into me.

His response is a rough, knowing laugh. “I don’t believe you.” His lips brush my ear, his pace quickening, relentless, until the pleasure builds to a breaking point, threatening to consume me whole. “I don’t think you’ve fucked anyone. I think this pussy has only ever felt my cock, and that’s how it’s going to stay.”

“Oh God!”

The more he touches me, the harder it is to resist. To keep from giving him exactly what he wants. But I won’t. I can’t. He needs to believe he means nothing—because, clearly, I never meant enough to him.

“Admit it,” he demands, forcing me closer to the edge with expert precision…only to stop, leaving me teetering on the brink of madness.

“Just because you don’t wanna hear it…” I breathe. “…doesn’t mean it isn’t true. I have needs.”

“When you have needs, you call me. I’ll take care of them.”

“I don’t want you.”

“That’s not what your pussy says, soaking my cock like a good, obedient slut.”

“Shut up.”

Why does he have to say those things? Every word only tightens the grip he already has on me, pulling me deeper into a desire I can’t escape.

He chuckles, rubbing me in hurried circles, pounding into me until I lose all ability to speak. “You hate hearing the truth. But just because I’ve sworn to myself that I’ll never love you doesn’t mean we can’t have this .”

He thrusts roughly for emphasis, while his words land like a blow and I fight the sharp sting they leave behind.

I want to say something back, but all that comes out is a moan. And when he rams into me this time, a scream dies in my throat. My heart and my mind race, hating this. Hating that I allowed him to have me.

With a growl, he releases inside me, and I feel the warmth spread, marking me, taking me.

But as the euphoria fades and my body begins to relax, I realize what we’ve done.

He withdraws slowly, his breath hot against my skin, trailing down my neck. As I turn to watch him fasten his pants, a quiet sadness creeps in.

“This is the last time,” I whisper as he adjusts his mask.

“Last time, huh?” His knuckles graze my cheek, the warmth of his touch seeping deep into my skin, sending a shiver that should be illegal.

“That’s right,” I manage, but my tone wavers, betraying me. My lashes flutter, helpless to the power he holds over me.

He draws closer, his breath warm against my lips. “If this is the last time…” His voice is thick with a longing that makes my pulse surge. “May I have a kiss goodbye?”

Every fiber of my being screams for him. His lips hover so close I can feel the heat between us, but I fight to stay still, to hold back, clinging to the fragile distance that remains.

“I don’t think you deserve it.” My mouth curls defiantly, even as my heart pounds violently, betraying the desperate longing I can’t escape.

“Maybe not.” His hand grasps my nape, sending an electric jolt through me. “But I’m asking anyway.”

The heat in his eyes sears through me and a nervous flutter stirs deep in my gut, leaving me momentarily speechless, caught in the intensity of his gaze.

“Beg.” The challenge leaves my lips before I can stop it. “Beg for a kiss.”

His laugh, low and rich, rumbles through me, sending shivers down my body. It’s like a magnet—impossible to resist and hard to walk away from.

Without warning, he grabs my throat, his thumb pressing against my pulse, and my lungs seize. Every time he touches me like this, it’s as if I’m sinking, drowning in him, unable to escape the flood of sensation.

“Please,” he breathes. “Let me kiss you just one more time before I let you go.”

The rawness in his tone, the way his eyes are locked on mine, makes it hard to say no.

But the truth is, I could never say it. Not to him. Not ever.

“I’ll do anything.” His words hit like a vow, and I almost want to crumble under the weight of it.

“Anything?” I scoff, though it’s hollow. “That’s not true, is it?”

You won’t be with me. Not like I need.

He exhales a rough sound. “You don’t get it, do you?” His voice cracks, raw and desperate. “I would if I could. I just can’t.”

His pain presses into me, and though anger and sadness churn inside me, I can’t shut him out. I can’t. Instead, I lean in, brushing my lips against his, just barely a touch—enough to feel the world crack open around us.

“Kiss me,” I whisper, though it comes out more like a plea, even as I try to hold on to what little remains of my resolve.

His hands cradle my face, his gaze so intense it feels like he's searching through every corner of my soul, and just like that, everything else fades.

He leans in, slamming his mouth against mine, and the world explodes into flames. His kiss is everything—yearning, wild, desperate. It’s the last of us, and we’re both starving for it, hands roaming, trying to fill the space between us.

I want it to last forever. I wish it didn’t have to be this way. I wish we didn’t have to be this: two halves that can’t fit anymore, no matter how much we want it. And as tears threaten behind my eyes for what could’ve been, I let go, losing myself in him one last time.

For one moment, in this kiss, we are us again. Dinara and Cillian, before everything shattered. Before the world tore us apart.

I wish it could be enough. But it isn’t.