Page 154 of Wicked Refusal

MIA

It takes hours for Yulian to wake up.

I don’t leave his side for a second. How could I bring myself to? Every function in my body seems to have put itself on hold just so I can keep watching the rise and fall of his chest, making sure it’s still there.

Thathe’sstillhere.

I wanted to take him to the hospital. It was my first instinct—but then I remembered.Prizrak.Ghosts who can access every building, slip into every place, masquerade as any member of the staff. The closest hospital to us was Manhattan General, and I’ve only been there once. I don’t know the people there. I don’t know their faces.

So I brought him home instead.

I grabbed the stuff we used for Nik’s recovery and got to work. Gave him a transfusion of my own blood—perks of being a universal donor; Team O-Neg for life, baby—and disinfected his shoulder. A clean exit wound, thank goodness.

Soon, Yulian’s vitals started to improve. His cheeks regained some color. I was terrified they’d only grow paler and paler, until there was nothing left of him, but he’s made of stronger stuff than that. And maybe, just a little bit, I actually know what I’m doing here.

Now, as I swap out the blood for antibiotics and painkillers, I let myself breathe for the first time since dinner.

He’s safe. He’s really safe.

I let myself move then. I take an iron supplement for the baby’s sake and rehydrate my body with sugar water. Pregnant people really shouldn’t give blood, but I’m a nurse. I can tell how much it’s safe.

And there was no way in hell I was letting Yulian die.

I sit back down at his side. The minutes tick by, turn into hours. I have no idea how much time passes before he stirs.

“Hey.” I grab his hand and squeeze it like a lifeline. “I’m here.”

Yulian’s gaze is unfocused at first, but then zeroes in on me. “Hey,” he rasps.

I want to break down crying. Want to bury my head in his chest and sob, but that’s not what he needs from me now. He needs me to be strong—to carry this for both of us.

He looks around. “Where are the others?”

“Maksim got out of surgery an hour ago. Kallie called in a favor with Adams, got him to operate in secret. It went well.” I give him a soft smile. “Kazimir’s unharmed, too.”

I can see the tension rolling off his shoulders. “Good.” He exhales. “What about you?”

“Me?”

“Are you hurt?”

“I’m fine,” I say. “You shouldn’t be worrying about me right now.”

“I always worry about you.”

He sounds so sincere, it nearly breaks me. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

Laughter bubbles out of me. “That sounds about right. But hey—you should see the other guy.”

Yulian falls silent. Suddenly, I remember who the other guy is and what I’ve done to him.

I killed him. I killed a man.

I broke my oath, and now, someone’s dead because of me.

Guilt drowns me. The words rush out before I can stop them. “I’m sorry.”