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Delaney

Day 31

Talon,

It’s been thirty-one days. I miss you guys so much, but I can’t remember what your voice sounds like anymore. I want you to come for me, but you haven’t. I understand, though. I am halfway across the world, and you have no idea.

I’ve finally stopped crying myself to sleep, so I guess that’s good. I hope Jude, Chris, Adam, and Tony are well. I’m sure they are doing better than you. Maybe you’ve all moved on and I am writing to you for no reason. I have no real way of knowing.

Sergei is very strict with his rules. He has a short fuse, and his punishments are harsh as fuck. Isolation is his favorite punishment, but it includes tying me to a bed with headphones and a blindfold on for hours to days at a time. All the music is in Russian, so I have no idea what’s being said. Someone will come and give me water and clean me, but otherwise nothing.

The only person who ever talks to me in general is Sergei, since I don’t know Russian. I asked him to teach me, but he said that is something we can discuss when he can trust me. I guess the fact that I no longer fight him isn’t enough yet. I have found myself going out of my way to make sure he’s happy, no matter how much it hurts. I knew I’d find peace when I broke, and I think I am there. When will it stop hurting so badly? When will I stop missing you and accept you aren’t coming for me? I hope it’s soon. I don’t know how much more of this pain I can take.

Little Flower