Page 27 of Whole in His Arms

Nix shook and pulled back everything he felt. “I’m fine. Let’s go.”

He hurried past Dax, not wanting to show him his pain. He knew his friend would pull him from the team because he was too close to all this. He would talk to Maddox about it, but only after he calmed down. For now, he was anxious to get back to the camp, get in his tent, and shut off from the rest of the world. At least until the pain had died down.

He had a feeling, though, that wouldn’t be anytime soon.

When Nix got back to camp, he headed straight for the river. They’d set up here because crossing water muted their scent if anyone tracked them. Not that they didn’t wear scent blockers to mask themselves. He knelt and touched his fingers to the cool water. His eyes closed and his chest felt like there was a vice around it, “I’m sorry, papa, that I wasn’t here in time to help you.”

In his heart, he knew there was nothing he could have done to save him. So why wasn’t any of it helping? All he could think was four months. Just four fucking months.

Sure he wasn’t a doctor, but if he’d found his Papa sooner, Ryder would have been around for the birth, and his Papa would still be here. His new brother-in-law could have given his Papa the medical attention he’d needed. His tiger roared about the unfairness of it all, the fact that he hadn’t been able to meet him. All the questions he had.Fuck.He couldn’t believe he’d missed getting to know his father by just four months. For some reason, that made it worse. He’d been so close. No matter how much he tried, his brain was stuck on that.Just four months!It felt like a chisel was being taken to his heart, changing it permanently. Irreparably.

Especially knowing that his Papa didn’t just throw him away because he didn’t want Nix. He’d died in that place, probably scared. Nix sank to the floor and covered his mouth with a hand to stop the scream dying to get out.

Goddess, he needed to get Cal, Jacobi, Sam, and every other omega out of there. How many had been lost?

His phone vibrated and he pulled it out. His mate’s face looked back at him. Nix swallowed. He realized that River could probably feel the echoes of his emotions and must be worrying. Fuck and damnation,get it together, Phoenix.Goddess, he felt stretched thin. He had two families that needed him. His brothers and his mate. Nix closed his eyes and focused, and it hit him. He felt River’s fear for him through the mating bond. Each minute that passed, River was missing him, and Nix could feel his mate’s fear for his life. Nix felt it all, and his breath hitched. It made him sad that he couldn’t do more to protect River from that fear. But he also knew it was his mate and their unborn child that had kept him from spinning out into oblivion that called to him.

They stopped him from doing anything reckless.

Nix answered the call. He needed to hear River’s voice. Goddess, he wanted to tell him about his father. His mate would give him the strength he needed to continue the mission.

“Hey, babe.” River said the moment they were connected. “I was just thinking about you.” Nix could hear what River wasn’t asking.Are you okay? I’m worried about you.

“I’m always thinking about you,” Nix whispered, his hands tightening around the phone. “How are you and our little one?”

“We’re good, missing you.” River’s voice was small, “Trusting the Goddess will bring you back to me. To us.”

Nix knew River was trying to be strong for him. “Babe, you don’t have to hide your feelings from me. I’m your mate, and I know that you’re struggling, remember? I’m sorry I have to put you through this,” he said.

River laughed, but it held little humor. “I know you’re struggling. I can feel it too, remember, kinda goes both ways, but you’re still worried about me.” River sighed. “Don’t okay, I’ll be here, and until then, I want to be supportive and the rock you deserve.”

“You are my love. Trust me, you and our little one are giving me strength.” He reassured River. “But I also know this can’t be easy, my love,” Nix said. “This is still supposed to be our honeymoon like the humans would say, no?”

River chuckled lightly. “Well, we can definitely raincheck that.”

“Deal.” Phoenix managed his first real smile. “I promise I’m doing my best to get home to you as soon as possible. I miss you, love.” That didn’t do justice to how he felt. Goddess, he wanted his mate back in his arms. His familiar scent filling his senses.

“I know, babe, and that’s why I want to be strong because I know this isn’t any easier on you,” River admitted.

Dammit, I love this man so much.

Nix sat down on the ground and felt the wind brush over him. Should he tell River about his Papa? It would only make him worry even more. Yet, the thought of not being completely honest with his mate. Nope, he couldn’t do it. He wanted River to know everything he’d encountered and everything he’d discovered.

“How’re your siblings?” River asked. It made Nix smile because he knew his mate cared. And Nix knew taking Jacobi and Cal home meant taking them to River. And he didn’t doubt for one second they would be welcome.

“They are doing okay, all things considered.” River mmm in understanding. Nix took a second to brace himself, “I did learn something today.Stall much? Just say it. It wasn’t like him not saying it out loud would make it any less true. “My omega papa died when he was delivering Jacobi. They didn’t have sufficient care, and they weren’t able to save him. For all I know, they didn’t even try.” He sounded bitter even to his ears. Although he would take that over that breath-stealing pain that seemed to wash over him in intervals since he’d gotten news.

“Nix … I’m so sorry.” River’s tone was hushed. “I could feel it the moment it happened.” Nix didn’t doubt that. “I wish I was there, so I could hold you … It’s probably not much.” He could imagine his mate shrugging and his beautiful face reddening. “I hate that you’re hurting.” River’s voice was soft, and he let it wash over him. “I’m so sorry, babe.”

Nix felt the weight slowly lift from him. It didn’t take away the pain, but still, he was relieved he’d shared the news with River. Together they would get through anything, but the grief still lay heavy on his heart. “I wish I’d had the chance to know him,” he admitted to his mate. “I feel like there’s a part of me that will never feel totally complete now.” He laughed and it sounded harsh. “How can I feel like I’ve lost something I don’t even remember?”

“I can’t imagine what you must be going through.” River sighed, “You know I’m here for you always, right?” His mate asked, but before he could answer, River added, “Nix. Lean on me, and we’ll make it through. I wish I could hug you right now and take away your pain. I love you, baby. I’m so sorry.” Nix could hear River sniffling on the other end of the line. His mate’s pain clutched at his heart.

“Don’t cry, babe. We’ll get through this. But I need to get Cal and Jacobi out of there. My tiger is getting restless. I need to tell the guys I think it’s time.”

“They’ll have your back Nix, you know this,” River reminded him.

“I know they will.” They’d always had his back, and this wouldn’t be any different. Besides, he needed Dax’s objectivity more than ever right now.