Page 15

B enito

For the second time in ten fucking minutes I find myself standing on Cristiano’s terrace, speechless.

Red tinges the outline of my irises as the realization someone took Contessa Castellano’s virginity permeates my brain. Contessa isn’t a virgin. Contessa has been with another man. Contessa blames me .

In the distance I hear a door slam. I turn to one of the loungers and slowly lower onto it. I stare at the pool water as a shadow stretches across it. Looking up, I see a black cloud pass in front of the sun, then a crack of thunder echoes through the palms.

Usually, I quite like a summer storm—it feels poetic, like it mirrors the darkness in my soul that even the warmth of a sunny day can’t conceal. But today it feels like a full stop on a sentence I haven’t even spoken.

Heavy raindrops start to clatter around me, turning the pool from a once calm oasis into a choppy, turbulent reservoir. Moisture seeps through the cotton of my suit to my skin, and streaks of water slide down my forehead and drip from my lashes.

Something sharp and unwanted jabs at my shell. I pride myself at not feeling empathy for anyone. Loyalty I can feel—for Cristiano, for the Di Santo family, my comrades. But loyalty and empathy are two different things. Loyalty requires action, whereas empathy requires me to feel. The last time I felt anything, the sensation slid away from me just as all the love I once had for my father evaporated into nothing.

Empathy is an unnecessary emotion. It complicates things. Makes it hard to eliminate people. Not having it is a superpower.

I’m not feeling all that powerful right now.

I’m putting myself in Castellano’s shoes and imagining how it must have felt to give away something that our noble culture treasures, for better or for worse.

I’m wondering what her father would say if he knew he had one less bargaining tool, should he ever need it.

I’m forcing myself to confront what it might feel like for a woman to give something so personal away because she felt obliged .

And I’m feeling sick to my goddamn stomach.

I know for a fact the Falconis’ haven’t been back here for three years. Has Contessa been in touch with Federico in that time? The wall of my chest thickens. Did she love him? Something turns at the base of my throat but I ignore it. It shouldn’t matter to me—her feelings for him are irrelevant.

But my feelings for her… I drop my face into wet palms as confusion rides over me.

Nothing has changed, I tell myself. She’s a liability—that’s the only reason I’m keeping a close eye on her. She’s just proved again why she needs someone to watch her every damn move. She’s right about being worthless in this culture without purity. No man is going to want her if he can’t prove he broke in his own woman. It’s shit but it’s true.

My eyes open and take in the pools of water collecting across the terrace. An unfamiliar sensation tugs at the very center of me. I feel sadness for Contessa. As big of a brat as she is, she doesn’t deserve to be discarded by the men of this family because of a mistake she made when she was too young to know any better.

A thought that could only have been borne of insanity crosses my mind. If she were to be my wife, I wouldn’t care if she were a virgin or not. But only because I don’t care for any wife. I’m not marriage material. I’m too ruthless. Too lethal. I’d probably kill a woman in my sleep without even fucking knowing it. But the thought of anyone rejecting her for that reason alone makes my blood rage .

It wasn’t my fault that the Falconi’s left, but I played a part. Still, I don’t want Contessa to go on with her life believing I’m the evil villain she seems to think I am. At least it all makes sense now—the hateful glares I couldn’t decipher, the sharp put-downs she flung at me for no reason, this weird obsession with me shutting things down. She thought I’d ruined her life by sending her childhood sweetheart to the other side of the country.

I don’t really care what she thinks of me, and I shake my head before any thought to the contrary can open its mouth. But, it is time she knew the truth.