Page 40 of When We Were More (Aron Falls #1)

T illie

My eyes are still closed, but I sense I’m alone in bed.

I force my eyelids to lift and welcome the brightness of the day before I crawl out of my cocoon.

The cold floor under my bare feet makes me flinch.

I brush my teeth and hair, then throw on an old pair of sweatpants, and Henry’s college sweatshirt.

When I head downstairs, the smell of freshly brewed coffee hits me as soon as my foot touches the last step.

Perfect. I make my way through the house, planning on grabbing my slippers, then heading to the kitchen to pour myself a cup.

I don’t have to, though, because when I get to the living room, there are already two cups of hot, steaming liquid on the table, and Henry has a hearty fire burning in the fireplace. He isn’t here, though.

After downing a big gulp from one of the coffee cups, I go in search of Henry and find him in the kitchen. He’s standing at the sink, staring out at the view while he talks on the phone. He doesn’t seem to hear me approaching.

“Yes, Lucy. I’ll meet him in forty-five minutes.” Henry’s shoulders sag. “Remind him it’s a Sunday and a holiday, and that he’s a dick. Okay?” He pauses and listens, then sighs deeply. “No, don’t really say that. I’m kidding, mostly. Just tell him when I’ll be there. Okay, bye.”

Disappointment washes over me, but I force it away.

It’s probably for the best that we don’t linger after such an intimate morning.

Sure, no sex was involved, but letting myself indulge in him taking care of me—washing my hair, holding me while we slept naked pressed against each other—shouldn’t happen again.

Yes, we can hang out as friends, but we need to maintain our boundaries.

That’s what my brain says, anyway. My heart is trying her damnedest to give her opinion, but I can’t trust her since she’s the one who got us in trouble in the past. I push the thoughts from my head.

Henry turns around and gestures for me to come to him. When I oblige, he pulls me in front of him, my back to his chest, and wraps me in an embrace. The view from this window is gorgeous.

Well, how about that? I just went over with myself needing to keep boundaries, and then I literally walked right back into his arms. Way to go, Tillie. I try not to focus on how much I’m enjoying this moment, how safe and comfortable I feel held against him.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, but I have to leave soon to meet a client over in Meadow Creek. He says it’s the only time he has available for the next four days. We can’t move forward on this part of the project until we go over options for a different tile. For the fifth time. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I get it. I landed two big clients, and we move into the office Wednesday.I’m sure I’ll be spending a lot of time working, too?—”

Henry tenses behind me, then lightly grips my upper arms and turns me to face him.

“You’re moving into your new place in three days? When did you decide that?”

I shrug. “A little before Christmas, I guess.”

Henry’s face falls. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

When I don’t answer—mainly because I’m not sure why—he sighs. Not loud or dramatically, but still, he sighs.

“It’s okay. I’ll check and see how many of my brothers can help.”

Oh, shit.

“Even if only one of them can, we can lift the heavy?—”

“No worries. It’s covered. But it’s a good idea to connect with your brothers and see if they want to hang out. Possibly get dinner while Heath is still home?” My voice is high-pitched, and my words rushed. I’m nervous, which explains why I’m being so damn awkward.

Henry stills and tilts his head to the side. His deep green eyes are laser focused right on me.

“What do you mean you’ve got it covered? Did you hire a moving company?”

A need to pull away comes over me, and I take a few steps toward the living room.

“C’mon, we can talk in there. Our coffee’s getting cold.”

Once there, I grab a mug and sit on the couch, pull my legs up under me, and face him.

“Who is moving you, Matilda?” He sits at the edge of the couch. Not touching his coffee.

“Shannon’s husband and a few of his work friends. They’re willing to work for pizza and beer afterward, so cheap labor.” My attempt at humor falls flat.

“Why didn’t you ask me?” I close my eyes and sigh. It apparently irks him. “I guess why would you, when you can have a bunch of firefighters helping you? Is that it?” He stands. “I shouldgo.”

My God, what is his problem? It’s not a big deal.

“You’re being petulant.” I climb off the couch and set my coffee down.

“Tell me why you didn’t ask me.” His words are clipped.

“Henry, what does it matter? It’s not?—”

“Why. Didn’t. You?—”

“Because I’m not your responsibility! I’m not your girlfriend.

I’m not yours to take care of. You don’t get to control me, and you don’t need to know everything about me.

” I’m dangerously close to crying out of frustration, and that makes me even angrier.

“Yeah, we’re friends, but otherwise I’m just a guaranteed?—”

“Stop.” His voice is commanding. “Don’t fucking say it, Matilda.”

“Why? It’s true.”

“No, it fucking isn’t.” He takes a step toward me, and I take a step back. His face falls, and the anger melts away. “Matilda…” His words are softer now.

Why is he suddenly treating me with kid gloves, like a cornered animal?

“We had a deal, and we shouldn’t forget it. Last night was a perfect example of what happens when we aren’t careful with our boundaries. We’re friends with benefits, and our rules are there to protect us. If that isn’t working for you anymore, we should stop.”

My hands shake, and my heart pounds against my chest wall.

I walk around the coffee table. What a hypocrite I am.

I made the rule that if feelings get involved, we stop.

My reaction last night could only be from having developed feelings for him, yet I haven’t stopped things.

I’m telling myself that as long as he keeps the rule, we’ll be okay. We can continue…

“Why?” The corners of his mouth dip into a frown. “Why couldn’t we talk about it? If things changed, I mean.”

What does that mean? My heart races, and I’m suddenly lightheaded.

I can’t let myself get sucked in by another man who can hurt me.

I’ve proven I turn into a people pleasing, submissive-to-my-own-detriment type of woman when I let myself feel too much for a man.

This discussion is heading into dangerous territory.

“You’ve got to go, Henry. You’ll be late.”

Henry grabs his phone off the table, taps it a few times, then lifts it to his ear. I hear the familiar nasally voice that belongs to Lucy.

“Lucy, it’s Henry. Call McAlister back and tell him I’m not coming.”

My breath catches as he listens for a second to whatever Lucy is saying. What is he doing? He can’t do that.

“Henry,” I whisper-yell. He glances up at me and holds eye contact.

“I don’t care what you tell him. Remind him it’s a holiday. And it’s a weekend. Hell, tell him his wife is being intolerable with her demands. Whatever you need to, but I’m not going. I have somewhere far more important I need to be.”

Then he ends the call. His eyes never leave mine.

“What did you do? Call her back and tell her to never mind. You can’t?—”

“I can do whatever I want. You’ve told me a million times that I’m not the boss of you—nor do I want to be, by the way—but I am the boss of my company and, more importantly, the boss of me. I need to be here, and I want to be here.”

“Henry, your business… What if you lose the contract?”

“Who cares? They’ve been horrible, and I don’t need the contract. I don’t need any of it. Not even the company, Matilda. I have more than enough money that we could never work another day and still live life however we want.”

I tense.

“Why are you saying ‘we’? You mean you and the kids, right?”

“I mean all of us. The kids, you, and me.”

I’m pretty sure my eyes almost bulge out of my head at his words. It’s one thing when I’m having confusing thoughts that I need to control. But if he’s having them, too, I can’t keep those in check.

He’s moved closer to me and lifts his hands to my face, cupping my cheeks. Nearly everything in me wants to relax and lean into his touch. Except for that one little part in the back of my head, shooting off warning flares.

“Henry, stop it.” The words come out in a whisper.

The pads of his thumbs caress my cheekbones. My eyes blur with unshed tears.

“I can’t, tiger. I won’t pressure you, but I’m asking you to please sit here with me for a few more minutes and hear me out. Okay? If you don’t want to, then tell me and I’ll leave. I’ll hate it, but I’ll go.”

My brain is screaming at me to walk away, but this time, my heart is stronger. I stay. After a few seconds, he lowers his hands to hold mine and guides us to sit.

“When I met you, you drove me absolutely bonkers—in more ways than one. I had never seen a woman so gorgeous in my life. More importantly, you pulled me right in with all that sass, that fiercely independent streak. Most of all, though, it was your heart. The emotion that showed when you let your guard down.”

“Henry—”

“Hold on. Let me get this out. I liked you, Matilda. Even when you frustrated the hell out of me, I liked you. I still do. When the chemistry between us led to this friends with benefit situation, I thought I had it made. Hot sex with a gorgeous woman I enjoy talking to and hanging out with, but no strings attached.”

He pauses and wipes away a tear rolling down my cheek, never taking those piercing green eyes off mine.

“It was stupid of me to think that’s how things would stay because how could any man do all the things we’ve done, spend time with you, and not fall in love?”

I gasp and pull back a few inches. Hurt flashes across his features. He can’t be saying he loves me.

“I thought I would be the exception. After all, I’m the man who was hellbent on not loving a woman because I didn’t want to put my heart at risk if I lost her.

It was arrogant of me to think I had a say in the matter.

I love you, Matilda. I want to love you.

I choose to love you. You’ve made me desire something I swore I never would. And God, do I ever want it with you.”

“Henry…”

“Let me love you, tiger. You don’t have to love me back, but please, let me love you.”

His words fly at the walls I’ve erected around my heart, doing their best to knock it down. They make dents, for sure, but those walls are fortified, thick.

Henry pulls me to him, and I let him. He holds me for a few minutes, and we say nothing more. When I pull back, he lovingly holds my face in his hands.

This is it. It’s time to let it all go.

“Will you do that, Matilda? Will you let me love you?”

The vulnerability and hope in his eyes break my heart.

Now I have to break his.

“I’m sorry, Henry. I can’t.”