Page 30 of When We Were More (Aron Falls #1)

H enry

I should be exhausted since Matilda and I were up so late, especially since we expended a ton of energy.

Yet I’m awake at four forty-five a.m., and I’m energized.

I’m not a man whore, but I’m also not a priest, so at almost thirty-five, I’m no stranger to sex.

Yet last night was hands down the best sex of my life, by far.

Yeah, physically it was spectacular, but I swear an incredible amount of tension has been released from me as well.

I don’t want to spend too much time dwelling on the ‘why’ of all that.

Since I didn’t think she’d mind, I brewed a pot of coffee in Matilda’s kitchen, then grabbed a blanket off her couch and came out here to the porch.

It’s been unseasonably warm weather for December, but it’s still nippy out.

I turn on the propane porch heater she has near the swing, then take a seat.

With the blanket over my legs, I sip the coffee while I stare out at the black sky dotted with stars, and the crescent moon is gorgeous.

Somewhere off in the distance, a barred owl calls.

Though I worry about Matilda being out here far from anyone, I can see why she loves it.

I always thought I’d never find land I love as much as the one my cabin is on, but her place is pretty close up there.

Her house pushes it over the top, though.

I love this farmhouse. As a carpenter, the craftsmanship and attention to both detail and quality make it a gem.

The last twenty-four hours have been a whirlwind of activity in my brain.

I wasn’t lying when I told Tillie yesterday that I’d never been jealous before seeing Jake trying to stake some claim to her.

Hell, I wasn’t jealous even when Jeana disappeared one evening soon after Lena was born, and I found her drinking in a bar, way too cozy with another man.

I was pissed. Furious, but not jealous. What does it mean that I felt that way over Tillie?

Then that kiss at the pie party. Jesus. It took all my willpower not to take her right then and there. When my mom asked if she could take the girls last night, there was no question in my mind that I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from coming over here. God, I’m glad I did.

A squeaking sound draws my attention, and I turn to see Tillie coming out, all wrapped up in a fuzzy robe. She looks damn adorable, and she’s carrying a cup of coffee, so she must be planning on staying up.

“Hey.”

“Hey, back.”

“Do you need more coffee or yours reheated before I sit down?”

I glance down into my cup, surprised it’s almost empty.

“Are you sure you don’t mind? I can get it.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, you’re all bundled. Here, hold mine and I’ll go refill yours.” We exchange cups, and she disappears back into the house.

I’m happy things aren’t awkward this morning. I like Tillie and don’t want to mess up this friendship. How I’m going to go back to non-physical with her after last night is beyond me. That’s going to require a hell of a lot of strength I’m not sure I have.

When she comes back outside, we exchange mugs, and she climbs up next to me on the swing. Then she scoots close.

“Share the blanket?” I lift the edge, and she covers her legs. Then she grabs the wrist nearest her, lifts my arm, and scoots under it until she’s nestled into my side. I chuckle.

Usually, I’m not a cuddler unless it’s one of my girls, but I don’t mind this morning. In fact, I find I like it.

“Don’t think it means anything. It’s cold out, and you know, the whole body heat thing…” There’s sass in her tone, but no bite.

“I’m pretty sure for the body heat thing, you’re supposed to be skin to skin. Are you asking me to get naked with you again, tiger?”

She releases an exaggerated snicker. “Ew, no. I could barely stomach it last night. Had to keep my eyes closed the whole time.”

“Oh, yeah? Because I’m pretty sure your eyes were open wide enough, they were about to pop out of the sockets when you saw how big my cock is and?—”

“Nah, I was only trying to help your confidence level. Felt sorry for you with how wee the thing is.”

“Matilda,” I growl. “Didn’t anyone ever tell you not to speak ill of a man’s dick?”

That earns me a laugh and a pretty smile. I like that I drew that from her. When she stops laughing, she peers up at me. Her smile disappears, and she bites at her lower lip. Her brow wrinkles.

“Seriously, though. What are we doing here, Henry? We should probably talk about it.”

I rub at my morning stubble with my free hand, knowing she’s right.

“Yeah.” I’m at a loss for words, and I’m uncertain why. I usually shoot straight with women because I know exactly what I want—or don’t want, rather. Nothing serious. Nothing that has the potential to break me like my mom broke when my dad died. Yet, I can’t get the words out.

Tillie clears her throat and pulls her legs up onto the swing, twisting herself to face me.

“Last night was great?—”

“Oh my God, are you about to say but?” I can’t hide the disbelief in my voice.

She gnaws at her lower lip.

“Henry, this is going to sound ridiculous, but you’re one of my few friends under the age of sixty-five. That, plus the fact that I think your kids are great and I enjoy seeing them, means I don’t want to lose this friendship.”

“Okay—”

“Wait, let me finish.” I nod. “Last night was great, but I can’t do more than that. I don’t have more to give anyone other than friendship and physicality.”

She holds a finger up, silently asking for a minute.

When she turns her head to look out into the darkness, I watch her close her eyes and take a deep breath. It strikes me how stunning she is, and it’s crazy she doesn’t see it. After a minute, she turns back to me.

“Please let me get this all out, and then you can say whatever you want. When I moved to Aron Falls five years ago, I wasn’t who I am now.

I arrived here broken in many ways. Some of that I brought into my marriage, probably because of my relationship with my family, but a lot of it was from the marriage itself.

Much of it was because I let things happen to me. ”

I start to object, but stop myself.

“I’ve healed so much, Henry. But some parts stayed broken, and, for me, that means I don’t do relationships.

Romantic relationships, I mean. I’m pretty sure I can’t, but, more importantly, I don’t want to.

I’m not saying that’s what you’re looking for from me, but I wanted to put it out there from the get-go.

I can’t be more than physical with anyone. ”

Anxiety mars her pretty face. It’s obvious she’s worried about my response.

What the fuck have the so-called important men in her life done to her?

It seems she defaults to believing that sharing her thoughts and feelings will elicit negative reactions.

I won’t be another man who reinforces that in her life.

Without speaking, I lift my arm again and hold it in the air while she stares at my side for several seconds. When she tucks herself in close again, I wrap my arm around her. Yeah, I never want to hurt Matilda Evans.

“Still friends, then?” I ask in a hushed voice.

She takes a few seconds to answer, and I start to panic that she’ll say no. I’m relieved when a soft, “Yes,” comes.

We swing in silence for a while until the sun starts to peek up over the eastern horizon.

“Thanks for finding my G spot, Henry.”

It’s the absolute last thing I expected her to say, and laughter rumbles through my chest. When I notice she’s not laughing, too, I peek down at her and see her lips curved downward at the corners. I pull back a little to see her face better.

“Oh, you’re serious.”

“Yeah,” she whispers. “I thought there was something wrong with me. That it was my fault sex wasn’t good for me.”

“Definitely nothing wrong with you, tiger.” I tuck a strand of loose hair behind her ear. “You were a sensational partner. So goddamn sexy. I promise it wasn’t a you issue.”

She glances down at her lap.

“I really liked having sex with you.” Her voice is almost a whisper.

I put my thumb under her chin and tilt her head up until she’s looking at me. I hold her gaze, wanting to make sure I have her full attention when I say my next words.

“That was the best sex of my life, Matilda. To say I liked it wouldn’t be doing it justice.”

Her pupils dilate, she draws her lower lip between her teeth, and she squirms a bit. Seeing that I’m affecting her in such a way has my dick growing hard.

“Matilda,” I warn.

“I’m sorry. I can’t help it. Apparently, I like it that you’re good with your words when it comes to sex. My body reacts automatically.”

“Yeah, I understand what you mean.” I pull the blanket back, and she looks down at my boxer briefs, where my cock is fighting to break free.

“Oh. Wow, okay.”

She continues to stare. I move to cover my erection, and she stops me.

“What if… Would you be open to considering a friends with benefits situation?”

If she was trying to shock me, she did a great job.

I pull the blanket back over me, and when she looks at me, her cheeks are pink.

“Nothing to be shy about, tiger. I need you looking at my face for this conversation. To make sure you’re not under the influence of my dick when you’re saying these things.

” She rolls her eyes, and I grin at her.

“I’ll ask you, now. Is that something you’d really be open to, or are you only reacting in the moment? ”

“Don’t be an ass, Henry. I’m not fickle. I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t okay with it.”

“Have you done this before?” I’m not sure why I ask, but I feel a need to know. God, I hope she says no, which is totally hypocritical of me.

“No. Have you?”

“Are you sure you want the answer?” I ask. She appears to think about it, then nods. “Yes, but it was under different circumstances. The friendship wasn’t very… solid.”

She tenses next to me.

“You only called it friends with benefits to avoid saying you were fuck buddies? And I’m different. Sure,” she scoffs.

“Hey, don’t do that. This is different. We really are friends. I hope we’ll be friends whether we have sex or not.”

Her shoulders droop. “Sorry. That wasn’t fair.”

“If we do this, what are the rules?” She must have some.

“Rules? Hmmm. Okay, well, first off, no sex with anyone else during the timeframe we’re doing this.” She pauses, waiting for a response.

“Definitely not.”

“Okay, um. Well, if you find yourself interested in someone else, like you want to date or sleep with them, you tell me, and we’ll stop the arrangement.”

“Not gonna happen. I don’t date. How about birth control and sexually transmitted infections? I got tested after the brief… acquaintance with benefits situation. It was about seven months ago. Came back all negative and, until you, I haven’t had sex. I also never had sex with her without a condom.”

“Wow, you went seven months without sex? I feel kind of bad now. In my head, I totally pegged you as a man slut.” She grins cheekily, and I want to kiss her, but I don’t.

“I got tested after my divorce, and thank God, I didn’t catch any diseases from his cheating ass.

You’re the first person I’ve had sex with since then. ”

“What? In five years?”

“So?” She crosses her arms over her chest and pulls back from me a bit. I’ve made her defensive.

“So, nothing. I didn’t mean anything bad by it. I’m just surprised that’s what you meant when you said it had been ‘a while,’ is all. I imagine you get offers.”

She snorts. Genuinely snorts, and it’s damn cute.

“I have an IUD. For pregnancy prevention. I got it when I was married, and I’ve kept it.”

“Okay. This monogamous friends with benefits relationship, if either of us want to start dating someone else, we stop the arrangement.”

“We don’t show any physical affection in front of the kids, especially Layla.

It would be confusing.” I nod, but I’m shocked she said it.

I figured I’d have to set that boundary.

“We don’t tell anyone unless we okay it with the other person.

No feelings. We keep feelings out of it. If we break that rule, it has to end.”

“Okay.” I think we’re going to do this.

“Okay.” She faces forward again and is quiet for about fifteen seconds before she turns to me. “Should we shake on it, or something?” She appears to be thinking about it.

“What? Are you serious?”

“I don’t know how this works. I’ve never done it before. You have…”

“I think a verbal agreement is sufficient, tiger.”

Her expression falls flat, and then she frowns.

“Why do you call me tiger?”

I hesitate. The reason I first started might annoy her. But she asked, so I’ll answer her honestly.

“Well, at first it was because you had your claws out around me all the time.” She narrows her eyes at me, and I hold up a hand to signal her there’s more.

“Then it turned into how fierce you are. In a good way. The night I found you doing the ‘Fuck you, Joe’ thing solidified it. Plus, if that didn’t, the scratches I’m guessing I have on my back from last night should. ”

Her cheeks turn rosy red. Something in me likes that I can make her blush.

“This plan we have, is it effective immediately?” There’s a brightness in her eyes, and she’s clearly fighting a smirk.

“Yes.”

“Do the benefits include showering and having sex once more before you have to leave?”

“I think we can work that out. You ready?”

She nods, and we both stand. I turn off the heater, and we head inside. She leads the way up to take a shower, and I lock the front door after taking the cups to the dishwasher. When I get upstairs, she’s rinsing her hair, leaning back under the water, and looking like a goddess.

I watch her for a second, before joining her. Damn, I’m one lucky man.