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My intense need to protect her and be around her all the time was only because I mistakenly became attached to her. All of it was because I didn't keep my emotions in check. “Grow up. You're a smart girl, but you're stupid for thinking I could ever feel the same.”
She dug her nails into my sleeve. “Hyacinth,” she started and my heart beat just a bit faster.
“Don't say my name,” I warned her.
“The only way you'll ever get rid of me, is if you kill me,” she whispered. “So if that's what you want.” Her hands trembled as she released my arm. “Don't hesitate this time.”
I didn't want to kill her, I just needed her to hate me, to leave me. I’m reckless, unpredictable and too many people were threatening her life because of me. “You aren't worth killing.” A lump formed in my throat, disgusted with myself and my words. “Just get out of my life.”
Tears streamed down her face, eyes glowing a bright red and she began to pant, finding it difficult to breathe. Niko caught her as she was overtaken by a cataplexy episode.
I didn’t say anything as I walked towards the window, opened it, and jumped down to the pavement below. I walked a couple metres and leaned against the wall as my body ached and felt too heavy to hold. My heart was being crushed by thousands of rocks.
Is this what dying feels like?
With the open window, I could hear her sobs making my stomach churn. My legs wobbled, and I was forced to sit on the ground. I took out a cigarette and lit it, taking in a deep inhale.
Footsteps approached me, stopping directly in front. I turned my eyes up to see Jerome, as he crouched down, his face unreadable at that moment. “I know you love her,” he whispered to me.
I shook my head. “No, I don't.”
“Vulture,” he started. “I've heard the rumours—”
I cursed. “So people have already been talking about me going soft?”
“No,” he said. “They're talking about how Vulture has met his match and she's just as deadly as you. They're talking about how no one will be able to touch either of you. They're talking about how Vulture actually may be human.”
“People have hurt her,” I said. “Because she's around me.”
“And?” Jerome said.
“I was so stupid to bring her there.”
“Yeah, you were. Especially because you know what she is,” he said, flatly. “But you were also right to take her, the best way to fight an enemy is to know them, that’s what you’ve told me. She would have met them eventually, but at least now she knows a bit about what she’s up against.”
I shook my head.
“Denying your feelings for her and suddenly cutting her out of your life will make it a lot worse for her, you know? Remember what happened to Cassius? He broke up with his partner because he thought she would be safer and they killed her.”
A few days later we found Cassius at home with an empty bottle of pills.
“Don't make the same mistake he did. It's already too late now, the entire city knows about you two at least being friends.”
I didn’t realise I was crying until I saw the tears dripping off my chin and onto the ground.
I hate this.
“You’re really going to let Niko and Silias tell you what to do? You’re the Vulture .”
“I've hurt her so much, Jerome. I tried to kill her a couple of times.”
“You’ve tried to kill everyone a few times, pretty sure you attempted murder on me three times.” Four and a half times, but he doesn’t need to know that. “But anyway you obviously couldn't go through with it, because you love her.”
“No, no, stop,” I said. “Don't say that. No one would ever do that to someone they care about. How selfish could I be to even think that I could possibly…” I couldn't even say the word aloud.
“If you accepted your feelings for her, instead of fighting them, you wouldn't act like this.”
I didn't even know what I was feeling. I met Jerome's eyes. “Have you ever been in love?”
He nodded his head. “Yeah, once.”
“What happened?” I asked him .
“She saw my face.” He let out a laugh, but it wasn't a happy one. “I'm too ugly to be loved, but you're not.”
Jerome wasn't ugly. He just had a lot of scars on his face, people just needed to see past that. “My heart is ugly.”
“But that's something you can change,” he said, extending his hand for me to take. “Don't let this one get away.”
I chewed on the piercings on my lip, before nodding. I took his hand and stood up with him. Jerome followed me up, Niko and Celestine gone. I went into my room with Jerome who invited himself to stay over, and I didn’t bother arguing.
“You can’t tell anyone about what you saw,” I said, locking the door to my room.
Jerome raised a brow. “I think you forget you’re my only friend.” He fluffed one of the pillows before plopping his head down. “Also, her being a Demon just makes her so perfect for you.”
Jerome fell asleep first, snoring loudly.
***
The storm coming in through the window woke me to a large pile of hail and a puddle of melted water underneath it. My curtains flapped around my room and lightning blinded my sight for a moment.
“Hyacinth.” Her voice sent shivers down my spine.
I blinked a couple times to see Celestine on top of me, her weight on her hands and knees. “Cel,” I breathed. Her hair was silver instead of dark brown, wearing that same white dress as in my dreams.
“You left me,” she said, there was no light in her eyes.
“I…” I hesitated, turning to see if Jerome had awoken from her entrance, but he was gone. He must have left through the window and that’s why it was opened. I turned back to her. “I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry. ”
“Sorry?” she asked.
“Sorry for everything I said, everything I've done to you, everything I've put you through.” My brows furrowed as I tried to blink back tears. “I'm so sorry.”
She didn't respond, and I didn't expect her to.
I reached up to cup her cheeks, and she leaned her head into it, closing her eyes. “I don't mean to push you away, I just don't understand what I feel for you.”
She put her hand over mine. “Let me be around you,” she whispered, kissing my palm. “Please.”
I shook my head. “I hurt you so much, too many times.”
She pulled away to look at me. “But you don’t mean to.”
No, but that’s not the point. “I never want to hurt you, but I do, and I am so sorry for all the times I’ve done so.”
She shook her head. “Stop saying you're sorry.” She played with my hair. “I can handle a lot of things.”
She can’t handle me, even if she were a Demon, she wasn’t a full Demon yet and if I showed her my true self, she’d be frightened. Just like all of them were. “I need to figure myself out and I can't be around you because I'm only going to keep hurting you.”
“It’s not you, it’s me?” she spat, sitting up. “Are you really saying that right now?”
Yeah, but it really is. I sat up with her. “Celestine, I can’t do this to you anymore and besides, Niko and Silias don’t want me training you anymore.”
“I don’t care.”
“But I do,” I said, firmly. “I was born heartless, but meeting you… I’ve realised that maybe there is something inside me. It’s a weird feeling and I can’t process it.” I let out a breath. “All I do is harm the people around me. How could you like someone who only brings you pain and enjoys it?”
“Maybe I'm a masochist,” she said with a smile .
“This isn't a joke, Celestine.”
“I wasn't joking,” she said, pushing me back down on the bed, “I know you want to take control of the Underworld.”
It's not too hard to guess that. I don't tell people, but if anyone wondered why I worked so hard, it was obvious. “Yeah.”
“I want to be by your side when you do,” she said.
“I want to help you. I know deep down, you really do like me and would never want me on your bad side. That’s why you want to stay away from me, so that you don’t push me to hate you, but Hyacinth.
” She laughed. “I could never hate you.” She gently grazed her lips on my jaw.
“I can be useful,” she whispered. “Right?”
Yeah, she is, and I already knew she would be.
“What is it?” she asked, kissing my jaw.
I shook my head. “Nothing.”
She pressed her chest against mine.
“It’s just… Why would you want to help me?” I asked, releasing a shuddering breath as she got closer to my lips again.
She curled my hair between her fingers. “Because I know you're going to be great.”
I chuckled. “You have no intention of taking control too?”
“No,” she said. “Control isn’t something I crave.”
Interesting. “What do you crave?”
She moved to nibble on my ear, circling my piercings with her tongue. “You.”
“You don’t have any goals?” I asked, trying to distract my mind from her light touches.
“I prefer to take it one day at a time.”
One day at a time.
She doesn’t have loyalty to her own clan, a clan who has given her a second chance at life, she doesn’t have any family she is able to be loyal to because they don’t want her a part of their lives. I’m not her blood, I’m not someone who’s given her a home. I’m nothing to her.
So, how do I trust someone who has no loyalty?
She doesn’t want control, she only wants me, but that doesn’t make sense. What did she want before she met me? Everyone wants something, I just needed to figure out what her true intentions were, her motives, her drive.
As if she heard my thoughts, she pulled away from me to meet my eyes. “Why don't you trust me?”
“I…” I hesitated. “You have no loyalty. How can I trust you?”
Her brows knitted together. “What?”
“There are times where you purposely piss me off and get under my skin—”
“I'm trying to protect you, Hyacinth,” she said, as if it had been obvious this entire time. “They can't know we're actually good together.”
“What are you on about?” I asked. “Who are they ?”
She shook her head. “You said it before, we can't trust anyone.”
“Trust anyone to know what exactly? Are we not allowed to be just friends?” I don't even know if I would call our relationship that.
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