Page 44 of When It Reins (Three Rivers Trevors Ranch #5)

juniper

Wild was a tame way to describe getting three toddlers together in one room. Mitch’s entire family and my sisters gathered at Logan’s house, coming together in a time when no one quite knew where to be, where was safe to be, and didn’t want to let their loved ones out of sight.

Some members are missing, including Jax and Stetson, but Logan stayed. I find that interesting, wondering if he is feeling left out with his brothers at the ranch, ready to grab Aaron when he strikes.

I watch my family laugh and chat, make food, and take care of the babies running around the room. It is hard to believe that these kids were just tiny little infants only a year ago, and now they are making their places in the world known.

Loudly.

I flinch as they knock over a tower Logan was building with them and laugh when Lawson, Felicity and Jax’s son, claps and giggles.

Sitting on the couch, my hands wrapped around a mug of hot chocolate, courtesy of Lue, I try to block my mind from the worry that keeps seeping in.

I hate that Mitch is out there. I hate that he’s feeling compelled to take care of this himself.

I understand why, but I hate it all the same.

Mitch is a compulsive protector. That is the job he took for himself, and he takes it seriously, whether everyone around him knows it or not. He is the guy that is going to take care of everyone else.

I both admire and hate that about him. Admire because how could I not? He is a man of honor, of loyalty. One who will do anything he can for his loved ones without taking a second to think about what sacrifices he is making for himself.

Hate because…what happens if one of these daring protective details goes wrong? What happens if Aaron gets the jump on him and he doesn’t come home? What happens if he goes on one of his runs for his club and something bad happens?

It is maybe selfish of me, but if something happens to Mitch—after how much my feelings have grown, after all the visions of a future I’ve had and prayed and wished for—I just don’t know what I would do if something happened to him.

“I can sense the spiraling.” It takes me a second to realize that my brother-in-law is talking to me, and I blink, realizing I almost spilled my mug, and focus on the action around me again.

Felicity and Dani are talking about their babies, watching them explore the toys Logan laid out for everyone. His eyes are on Colter, but he is talking to me.

“Sorry, what?”

Logan looks over at me and says, “Mitch will be okay, Juniper.”

I would say after the last few years of Logan and Thea being together, I know the guy quite well.

I know he adores my sister and the ground she walks on.

I know he is a hell of a dad and would do anything for his children.

I know that if his sister-in-law, a.k.a.

me, had a flat tire at two in the morning after working a long shift, he would get out of bed and come rescue me.

Logan is the definition of a good guy, but he is also much more perceptive than I give him credit for.

“What do I do if he’s not?” The words fall out of my mouth before I realize they’re even going to, and I sigh, shaking my head at the vulnerable sound in my voice.

“You can’t think that way,” Logan says, glancing at his son again, keeping that protective gaze on him. “If you think that way, you’re going to drive yourself crazy.”

I bite my lip, my emotions threatening to overcome me again. Since the fire, I’ve been known to cry at the drop of a hat. I am overwhelmed by life, and I’m not sure how to stop feeling that way.

“I just want him here.”

“I know. So do I.” Logan turns, giving me his full attention when Colter wanders over to Thea, and she picks him up with a big smile. “Mitch has been through more than we ever knew, and I know we have you to thank for encouraging him to come to us.”

“I didn’t do anything,” I claim, shaking my head.

“You did. Mitch told me he went to you first with what happened, and that you told him sharing with us would help him, would help our relationship.” Logan shakes his head, and I realize then how much this guy carries on his shoulders.

He carries the weight of the world in worry.

He has so many people to care for that he probably doesn’t even have time to worry about himself.

“For years, I felt like Mitch put a wedge between us, and I never knew why. I thought maybe it had something to do with me putting all of my focus on Luella for so long, for putting her first.” He shakes his head, and I focus on the creasing at the edge of his eyes.

“I should have known there was something more there, something that he was keeping close to the chest. But my focus was so divided that I didn’t think to push him.

Maybe if I wasn’t so busy back when he left, I could have known something was up.

“But the fact of the matter is, Mitch would have done what he did, even if I’d known about it.” Logan sighs, a hint of a smile on his face. “Protecting those he loves is what he does. It’s who he is. One of the greatest gifts you can give him is to let him do it.”

“It’s not easy,” I reply, letting out a deep breath.

“I know it’s not. You think I’m not married to a protector myself?

” He smirks and tilts his head. I glance at my big sister and consider that for a moment.

He’s right. She is. All she ever did until she had her own family was worry about me and my sisters.

Now she has her own family to worry about, but I know she still keeps close tabs on us girls as well.

“It’s not for the faint of heart, being with someone who will take on all that burden and put up walls to keep us out. ”

I glance back at him. “She still does that to you?”

“Yeah, at times.” He shrugs. “I just have to keep my hammer handy.” Logan smiles at me and says, “It’s worth it.

Every time she tries to take control of a situation, every time she tries to keep me out, I’m there, ready to break down those walls.

I have to show her I’m there for her, even when she feels she needs to do things on her own. ”

“She lets you?”

“Well, you know your sister as well as I do, June. She’s stubborn. She doesn’t want to burden anyone with her feelings or her problems. Hell, we’ve been married a few years now, and I still have to sit her down and tell her that’s what I’m here for.”

“So, what do you do when you feel blocked out?” I feel my nose sting with tears, and I swallow to try to keep them at bay. “How do you know when they’re protecting you versus pushing you away?”

Logan looks at me for a moment before saying, “Your love for the person you’re with can’t be conditional.

We know these people we love have flaws.

I know I have flaws, but Thea loves me in spite of them.

I know Mitch has flaws, June. I know he’s got a long way to go to realize that what you need most is him by your side, but I can see it all over your face how much you love him, and I know that you’ll wait for him to get there. ”

A tear slides down my cheek, and I swipe it away, keeping my attention on him.

“I know it feels like Mitch is holding you back, but he’s just keeping you safe. I guarantee, once this asshole is out of the picture, he’ll be glued to your side.”

“What happens if he gets hurt, or worse, trying to get him, though? That’s where I’m worried, Logan. I love your brother. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I have no intention of letting that go, but if something bad happens, I’ll have to.”

I’m embarrassed by the number of tears that are falling down my cheeks, and I know the rest of the room is probably watching me, but Logan grabs my hand and squeezes tightly, looking at me with an intensity that should frighten me.

“Not everyone you love is going to leave you, June. I know you and your sisters lost your parents, and that’s awful. I’m so sorry that happened to you, but Mitch is not your parents. He’ll keep himself safe because he loves you so damn much.”

I inhale a breath and try to control my emotions, but it’s pointless now. I feel someone take the mug from my hands, and Annmarie sits next to me on the couch, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and hugging me tightly.

“He’s gonna be okay, Junie,” Annmarie says. “Mitch is strong and so smart. He’ll keep everyone there safe, including himself.”

I have a flash, a memory of that glass shattering, and then the explosion. It all happened so quickly, but from an outsider’s perspective, maybe they think they would have gotten away from it, out of the house before it exploded.

My worry is that Mitch won’t get out in time.