Page 12 of When It Reins (Three Rivers Trevors Ranch #5)

mitch

The smell of a barn should not be comforting, but it is. I inhale deeply and appreciate the fact that Stetson is keeping his opinions to himself.

Logan called this morning and asked me to come and help Stetson out with his horses today. Apparently my little nephew is sick, and he is home helping out his wife. I couldn’t say no, and for the first time in a long time, I didn’t want to.

I take another breath and let the horse move around me. Unlike my older brother, I slipped a hackamore on this horse just so I would have some semblance of control, though Stetson is holding the lead rope attached to it as well.

It’s like Stetson knows I’m nervous, but for the first time in his life, he doesn’t say a word. He is sometimes just as opinionated and obnoxious as Jax, but he knows when to keep his mouth shut.

Jax is fortunately busy getting signups for his rodeo school he is opening, so he isn’t here to needle me.

“Good boy.” I rub on the horse’s neck, hoping that I can calm my racing heart and the horse’s along with it. I never want to get onto a horse that is nervous, especially when I myself am feeling it, because that would just result in a disaster that no one needs.

We take a few more circles, both of us getting used to the other. According to my brother’s brief explanation—which was chorused by a screaming baby in the background—he’s only had one solid ride on this horse before, which meant I was to be careful.

The horse was a champ when it came to getting saddled, had stood perfectly still and affectionately rubbed his head over my back, making me trust him even more.

Now that I am here, ready to actually step on, the nerves are real. I let Stetson send him in one more circle, then take over the reins, bending his head toward me and letting him know I am going to start trying to step on.

The horse knows. He stops his feet, bends his neck, and gently tries to grab something with his lips. I quirk a smile at the guy, hoping that his gentleness is a sign of a good horse.

I lift the leg of my pants and lift my left leg, setting my booted foot in the stirrup. My hand goes to the horn, bending the horse’s neck a little more so he can see what I’m doing, and he gives a sniff.

Giving a bounce or two, I let him feel my weight shift the saddle, and he takes a step away with his hind legs. I jump with him, calming myself down before trying again. I take a bigger bounce and pull myself all the way up with my right leg still hanging down.

I sit there for a moment before deciding to trust him and swing my leg over him, settling my weight carefully on top of him.

For a moment we don’t move, then Stetson moves to my side and keeps his lead on the horse loose. I give a slight wave of my legs, pushing the horse forward and giving him back his head so he can go around Stetson like I want him to.

He takes a few unsteady steps, getting used to the new feelings and sensations. He is a good horse, and my brothers did a really nice job with him. I let the reins go out a little further and relax back into my seat, letting him feel my nervous energy leaving my body.

All of that pent-up energy I stored just seems to flow right out of my body as I ride. This is my first time on a horse in over a year.

I feel my emotions stirring inside of me and have flashes of my life, of my piece of shit sperm donor nearly killing people I love, of the MC life wearing me down to the point where I felt like a zombie when I was there, of coming home and not knowing where the hell I fit in anymore.

Then there is that flash of something missing. That something is the girl who can never be mine, and I don’t want her to be.

At least, that’s what I tell myself.

I reel my emotions back in and look back at the task at hand. I feel the gelding moving faster beneath me, and I try to get myself back under control.

“Whoa,” I say in a low and slow voice, so as to not spook the horse.

Stetson moves with us a little faster, trying to get ahead of the horse, and he gives his head a gentle but firm pull, turning him inward.

Ideally, this would get the gelding to slow and then stop, but something must get under his butt, because instead, he starts hunching his back.

“Shit,” I mumble, knowing what is coming and turning his head with my reins, feeling Stetson do the same. I sit down on my butt further just as I feel his ass end come up, and I brace myself, keeping my reins pulled to the side, but this guy has already made up his mind.

My hand slips, and he takes advantage of that, moving away from Stetson and heading right for the fence.

He bucks once, twice, three times before I decide to bail, hearing Stetson curse behind me right as my body flies.

Instead of catching the fence like I plan, my grasp slips, and I hit the railing with my arm, sending a blinding pain through my shoulder.

I watch as the gelding runs off. His bucking ceases, and I let myself fall to my butt and try to catch my breath. My shoulder aches, and I roll it, feeling that twinge there.

“Shit. I haven’t seen him act like that since his first saddle.” My brother pulls his hat off, looking over at the horse, who’s now standing calmly at the opposite end of the arena. He looks back over at me and sighs. “Need a beer?”

I chuckle, and because the situation probably seems weird—me, the brother who hasn’t so much as smiled in a year, laughing while sitting where his ass got thrown to the ground—Stetson takes one look at me and laughs along with me.

And it’s probably the first time I’ve laughed with one of my brothers since high school.

That…is sad.

I sigh as I listen to the voicemail that Loki so angrily left me, telling me that my “girl” as he refers to her no matter how much I correct him, is snooping around the development we are working on saving.

Fuck. That is not what I need as I head into the bar tonight, my arm still aching and bruised from my wild ride earlier, and my pride suffering.

Stetson had been nice about it, but when Jax found out about what happened with the horse, that was a different story. He brought up the many bulls and broncs I’ve ridden over the years, claiming I’ve lost my touch and a stamp out of my man card.

He wasn’t wrong that I lost my touch. I have. I haven’t been riding in years, and I haven’t felt the want to with all the memories I have attached to riding.

Not that anyone knows about that.

I definitely could have called in tonight, told them I wasn’t feeling up to it, but I have more than one reason for wanting to come in.

One is because I have a gut feeling that Corporate Douchebag isn’t the knight in shining armor that Juniper is thinking he is.

And two is I need to have a word with her and see what the hell she was thinking snooping around the development.

I know she knows more about David than she said before.

The look on her face that night at the clubhouse told me everything.

She was denying the truth because it hurt.

I can’t blame her for that, though. I hope with time and learning about what the asshole is really doing, she’ll come around to believing it.

The place is busy tonight, as it is most nights. Though, when I step over to the bar to clock in, I’m stuck in place by the sight in front of me.

Juniper smiling, leaning over the bar, and David on the other side, taking it all in.

My blood hums under my skin as I jab the screen behind the bar, punching in a code I’ve done hundreds of times, and then clenching my fist. I turn away from them and take a deep breath, the frustration from the day piling on.

I thought it was taking a turn. That I was taking a turn. I got back in the saddle today. Things were supposed to be looking up, but just like the sight before me when I turn around, it seems like nothing is actually going to change.

The night progresses uneventfully, and I am kind of disappointed. None of my brothers or family showed, which is to be expected some nights, so there isn’t even anyone to distract me.

I am grateful no one from my club came in to hassle me. Loki’s already been blowing up my phone all night, trying to get me to answer him.

Truth is, I’ve been avoiding Juniper all night. The sight of her flirting with him after finding out what he’s been doing makes my gut churn and my blood boil.

The night winds down, and as usual, I find myself walking out employees. I say good night to one of the waitresses and turn back around to see Juniper standing there, waiting for me by the door. I walk to her, even though my brain is warring inside my head.

I can’t decide what to do.

Part of me wants to avoid her, pretend I don’t even know her, and walk by.

Another part wants to march up to her, throw her ass over my shoulder and take her to my place, never to let her go again.

That’s probably illegal, but I can’t deny that I feel like doing it still.

“Hey.” Her smile takes over at the nod of my head, and she tucks her hands into her sweater-coat thing she likes to wear. “Walk me out?”

I nod again and stand close enough to keep her safe, but not close enough to smell her.

Fuck. I am so messed up.

I don’t need this kind of back and forth in my head. This whole obsession with who she is and what she is doing, it is killing me.

“So who’s avoiding who now?” There’s a lilt in her voice, and when I look over at her, I see a raised brow and smiling lips.

“Not avoiding you,” I lie, continuing our path to her car.

“Really?” Her sarcastic reply sets my teeth on edge, and I want to turn and shake the woman. “Because I brought you water on multiple occasions. I asked how you were, to which you ignored me. I told you about my new music, which normally gets you talking, but you didn’t say a word.”

And I hate every second of this. Because I don’t feel like I can be honest with her. Honesty would lead me down a path that she wasn’t ready for. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for it.

“Sorry. Just…” I blow out a breath as we stop near her car, and her big eyes meet mine, making me want to blurt out everything that is going through my mind.

Instead, Loki’s words come back to me, and I sigh. “What the hell were you doing snooping around Four Foxes?”

She tilts her head as if the name of the development was new to her. We both know that’s not true.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” is the lie she throws back, her eyes darting to her car, and I shake my head.

“Stay out of it, Starling. You don’t know what you’re getting into.” Somehow, we’ve managed to get to her car, and she’s leaning against it, letting me lean over her. I don’t realize how intimate the moment may look until I look down and see our chests rising against the other.

Shit. I want to pull away. I should pull away, but I can’t seem to make my body move. My hand is resting on the roof of her car, halfway boxing her in, but she doesn’t look scared or intimidated. In fact, she looks downright thrilled.

“You should wipe that look off your face, Starling.” I growl out the words, hoping she’ll be the one that stops all of this.

“What look?” she whispers back, her hands pulling out of her pockets. I’m worried about where she’s planning on putting them.

“The look that says if I kissed you right now, you’d be more than happy to reciprocate.”

Her lips pull into a smile, and there’s a blush on her cheeks that tells me I am still dealing with the same woman who’s pulled at my mind and heart for nearly two years.

“Maybe I want you to.” Her voice is soft, barely audible, but I manage to hear it just fine.

I feel my muscles tense and look down at her, a flash of her flirting with that dickwad from earlier blinks in my mind. “You have a boyfriend.”

Guilt crosses her face, and she shrugs. “Not for long. Just for long enough.”

I shake my head, confused by what she’s saying. “What’s that mean?”

Something seems to register with her, and she lets out a breath, shaking her head. “You know what? You’re right. This isn’t a good idea.”

Then she steps closer. Our bodies are touching completely now, and my heart beats in my chest so fucking hard I would have sworn it was going to come loose. Juniper grabs my hand that’s hanging down and gives it a squeeze.

“You’re a good guy, Hero.”

Her using my road name does something weird and primal to my thoughts. I resist the urge—barely—to lean my full body weight into her, pinning her to the door, and taking every single thing I’ve wanted from her since the moment she opened her lips and spoke to me.

She turns then, making my arm fall and my ability to actually think straight come back to me.

I take a step back and watch her get into her car.

My adrenaline is racing like I just jumped off a cliff, and here Juniper is, cool, calm, and acting as if nothing happened at all, driving off to live her life without me.

I hang my head and take in the cool evening air. I wish it would rain just to cool me off.

It’s then I realize that I was so wrapped up in what her proximity was doing to me that I never got her to tell me what she was up to.