Page 54 of When Hearts Unravel (The Orchid #6)

“Casey,” I answer. “Kazoo came back for you.”

Casey. Kazoo. Cassius. The answers have been staring at me all along, and I missed them all.

It makes sense—grief and trauma do strange things to the brain. I hear Mia’s voice in my head years after she passed. A little boy inventing an imaginary friend is definitely normal.

“He did. I thought he’d leave because I wasn’t nuts.

I knew he wasn’t real. But as I grew up, he stuck around, growing up with me.

He’d judge me, try to get me off the ledge.

Later on, I thought he was a guardian angel sent by Mom to protect me.

” Rex barks out an incredulous laugh, the harsh sound seeming out of place in this sentimental moment.

Slowly, he untangles his hand from mine and looks away.

“I talk to him just like he’s a real person.

He looks real, sounds real. You must think I’m crazy.

I think I’m crazy. And that’s why I couldn’t tell you, because why would I subject you to this?

If Lana dated a man who talked to his imaginary friend at thirty-seven years old, I’d give him a piece of my mind.

Stay the fuck away from my sister because that shit isn’t normal.

I don’t sleep. I’m unstable. I can’t function without caffeine pills. I’m a clusterfuck.”

He scoffs and shakes his head. “Two years ago, I helped Elias with Raya, another woman hurt by The Association. I was guilt ridden when we finally caught Mom’s killer.

When I finally had context to the conversation I heard all those years ago.

Elias took pity on me. He needed help and thought that’d give me purpose. ”

Shame clouds his eyes as he says, “I thought since it was an undercover mission, I should use a different name. You know, to get into the scene. I picked Casey because I’d remember it easily, because Casey’s me.

That’s why Ava called me that. She was Raya’s oldest daughter.

But unfortunately, Raya died because I couldn’t follow instructions.

I wasn’t supposed to let her out of my sight that night.

But I left the hotel room for thirty minutes.

I had a clingy woman situation. I thought Raya was safe.

We didn’t see anyone trailing us. It was simple.

I was supposed to stay with her until Elias’s contact met us to take her off my hands. But I was too careless, and she died.”

“What would you have done if you were there? They might have killed you too.”

He shakes his head. “I doubt it. I’m an Anderson. The Association wants us to join them, not to make an enemy out of us.”

I release a heavy breath. That guilt—that’s why he became more unstable in the last few years. It wasn’t only because of his mom’s death. It was because he thought he had caused another woman’s death. A mom with kids. His past trauma all over again. That was the final trigger for his spiral.

Rex’s gray eyes burn with desperation. “Don’t you see, Olive?

Why I can’t be your forever? I’m a selfish bastard.

If I didn’t have a shred of decency inside me, I’d have taken you, swallowed you whole, savored every inch of you because being around you is…

magical. It’s addictive. I feel everything I thought I couldn’t feel with you. ”

My pulse throttles, my breathing uneven. I want to throw myself at him. My heart hurts—viscerally in pain—for this wonderful man in front of me.

And I still love him, imaginary friends and all.

Yes, there are flags. Heck, I can sell red flags at this point.

But the heart wants what it wants.

Carpe diem.

Aren’t certain risks worth taking? After all, how often will I meet someone who makes me feel everything?

“But Rex, I wouldn’t have judged you,” I begin, and he opens his mouth, no doubt to argue with me.

But I stop him. “Listen, are there issues we need to address? Serious problems? Yes, definitely. But I’m a doctor.

I’ll be with you every step of the way. We’ll find you the best team to figure out what’s wrong with you.

We’ll put together the best treatment plan for you. We can do it together—”

“That’s not all, Olivia. Far from it.” A tear trails down his cheek, and he quickly wipes it away. “I’ve seen so many doctors over the years. Endocrinologists, neurologists, all the ‘ologists,’ even a shrink, who, I swear, started ranting about unresolved mommy issues.”

I gnash my teeth together. I know those types of doctors—very old, barely read current literature, holds on to Sigmund Freud theories like the Bible, and well connected with a bunch of awards from back in the day.

No wonder Rex was so resistant to therapy.

Rex leans toward me, his eyes soft when he cradles my face. A thousand tiny shocks light up my skin.

This feeling with him, I don’t think will ever go away.

“I lose time, Olivia. It started two years ago after Raya’s death.

I’d black out, usually at night, and wake up in another place.

I’d be holding a knife or leaving a fire burning in the stove.

Dangerous situations. Doctors have ruled out the usual suspects—sleepwalking and things like that.

I’ve gotten tested for every fucking thing under the sun. They can’t figure out what’s wrong.”

His nostrils flare, his voice urgent. “Don’t you see, Olive? It’s not one or two things. It’s a landslide of crazy shit. I’m literally going out of my mind. How can I ask you to be with me? How can I do that to the woman I love?”

I gasp. My heart jolts.

Love.

“You love me?” I can’t help but ask.

He hangs his head, his shoulders shaking, and delirious chuckles rip out of him. “Of course I’d fuck this up too. I shouldn’t have said that. It only makes this much harder. But yes.”

Rex pulls in a ragged inhale and slowly lifts his head. His dark eyes snare mine as he rasps, “I love you, Olive. So damn much. And it’s because I love you, I have to save you and let you go. I can’t fail another woman again.”

The elation from seconds ago morphs into anger, a cannonball tearing through my chest.

I recognize the resignation in his eyes, the acceptance. He isn’t even willing to work through this with me, even after I tell him I’d be with him every step of the way. How can a team function if one player gives up?

You can’t change someone who doesn’t put in the work.

And I won’t force him to change, to love me, to choose me despite whatever hardships he’s going through.

He needs to make the choice himself.

I deserve that and more.

A heavy weight presses on my chest as tears pool under my eyes. Gradually, I stand up, my breathing uneven. I lean down and dip my forehead against his.

“Thank you for trusting me with the truth. Life isn’t hopeless, even if you think it is. Sometimes, we need hardships to grow. In my culture, the phoenix is a lucky animal. Beautiful, powerful, good. And if you remember, it grew out of the ashes.”

I press a soft kiss on his forehead, then walk away. But before I leave the room, I pause at the door.

“Hope is there, Rex. Even if you don’t see it. Get help, even if it isn’t with me.”