Page 42 of When Hearts Unravel (The Orchid #6)

“I got this. I’m a freakin’ adult with self-control,” I mutter under my breath as I pace inside my office, practically wearing down the carpet.

I’ve never felt this out of sorts in my entire career. Heck, I treat people with impulse control issues. If this were a colleague coming to me for advice, the answer would be straightforward and simple.

Recuse yourself. Stay away. Far away.

I’ve already obliterated the oath I made to the medical profession by sleeping with Rex—something I still think about nightly as I lie in bed while missing his caresses and kisses.

And now the press is on to us.

Lana told me this morning that Greg Masters approached her with a photo he took of Rex and me during our Tuscan cooking lesson the day before yesterday. He wanted a payout. She got him to back off by promising an exclusive after the cruise plus a fifty thousand dollar bonus.

She told him Rex was a flirt and had amazing chemistry with all women. That was why the photos looked intimate. And because Lana could be ruthless when she wanted to, she told him if he didn’t back off, she’d release photos of Rex being friendly with other women to make his picture worthless.

I asked if she had any photos of Rex with other women. She shrugged and told me it could be arranged.

But Lana wasn’t dumb. She was suspicious, like she knew something.

She peppered me with more questions, but I pretended to be late to a patient appointment and ran away before she could poke through my lies.

Something happened in the test kitchen. There was a different energy from Rex. A fierce spark, not the resignation I saw in his eyes the morning after we had sex.

It was hard to resist him.

How can something so wrong feels so right?

How do I feel so alive with someone obviously not for me?

“I’m going to quit. Official paperwork, not just the damn email. We’re almost to Monaco anyway. I’ve done a few sessions and have tried my best.” I pace faster and blow out a breath. “Yes, that’s it. I’ll refer him to someone else—”

A low laugh reaches my ears and I stop, whipping my head toward the office door.

The man himself is leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest, his fingers toying with his marble. He’s in a crisp white shirt and gray slacks, carrying the same lazy air I saw when he straggled in for our first appointment.

But this time, there’s amusement, warmth, and heat in those gray eyes—eyes I know glint gold next to a burning fire and smolder in passion.

“What’s troubling you, little Olive?” He unfurls himself and walks toward me, closing the door behind him. “Thinking about me? About how good we are together?”

My pulse scatters. I hold my hand up to stop him. “We talked about this. I’m serious. I can’t be your doctor anymore, Rex.”

“Good. I don’t want you to be.” A shadow crosses his face, but it disappears almost instantly.

“I can’t be your fuck toy, either.”

I back up, my shoes dragging on the carpet as he advances on me, all casualness vanishing from his frame.

“I would never ask that of you.”

His muscles bunch in his shoulders, a small furrow appearing between his brows. Those beautiful eyes of his are now sharp.

Determined.

My core pulses.

Oh shit. I fist my hands and repeat the affirmations. I’m a professional. I have excellent impulse control. I’m staying away.

The backs of my legs hit the recliner.

Then he’s standing less than a foot away from me.

My gaze darts to the glass walls, which I didn’t turn opaque because I didn’t want to make it easy for me to fall for his tactics. He must be thinking the same thing because he reaches over and presses a button.

The room plunges into darkness.

Rex taps another button and the small desk lamp turns on.

“H-How—”

“This is my cruise, remember? I’ve seen all the specs.” He taps his temple with his finger. “And I never forget.”

Then he pulls me flush against him, and my nerves come alive.

“What do you want with me, then? I won’t change my mind about what I need.” I whimper as he dips his nose to the spot on my neck.

His spot.

“I want you. Every part of you.” He flicks his talented tongue against the spot. “I want you to wear my marks on your skin so everyone knows you’re mine.”

“I’m not your fuck—”

“Listen, and you listen carefully.” Pulling apart, he bends down and holds my gaze. “A fuck toy is someone I don’t care about. We both want to get off and that’s it. It’s a transaction. You’ll never be that to me.”

My heart thuds against my ribs. What is he saying? I’m so damn confused.

“I’ll always care for you. Even if I can’t be yours forever. Because,” he murmurs to my skin, “I’m not right in the head and I still have enough of my mind to recognize that. I can’t provide anyone the happiness they deserve. But you, Olive…”

With a gentle caress, his thumb sweeps over my cheek. “You’re the closest to forever for me. The closest I’ve ever been to happiness. With you, I almost feel normal. You already hold in your hand what’s left of my rotten heart. Give me the rest of this cruise, please. A few more days of paradise.”

The pain in his voice steals my breath and carves into my chest.

It hurts.

Because he’s already stolen my heart too.

I freeze. I love him. I love Rex Anderson.

Why does it hurt so much?

My vision blurs and his breath hitches. “I’m a bastard for doing this to you, but…I-I can’t help it. You’re a high I can’t get enough of. Will you pity me? Give me a few more days? We’ll stay under the radar. It’ll be our secret.”

My heart rams against my rib cage, my eyes roving over his face, seeing his desperation, his earnestness.

He isn’t lying. It’s not lip service.

If it could be anyone, he would choose me.

And it kills me he doesn’t think he deserves the happily ever after his siblings have.

I still want to fix him. To heal him. To love him because he doesn’t love himself.

With one swift motion, he grips my chin and seals his lips over mine.

His madness, our madness, incinerates us whole. Every atom inside me thrums with awareness as I melt into his kiss, his passion, the truth in his words burrowing deep inside me.

In my profession, they say it’s foolish to attempt changing someone who doesn’t want to change themselves. It’s a Sisyphean task. I’ll be pushing that boulder uphill for eternity and eventually, because reality isn’t Greek mythology, it’ll roll down and squash me.

He’s trying to save me from the tragic ending. I recognize that now.

Rex pulls away, his lips tilting in a heartbreaking smile as he taps his temple again. “I’ll relive these memories over and over. This will be my forever.”

“I’ll get you help! Even if it’s not me. This doesn’t have to end—”

Shaking his head, he presses a finger to my lips. “You don’t know the whole truth. Maybe someday I’ll be brave enough to tell you, but I can’t. I’m not ready yet. Let me worship you. Let me be your spotlight. Please…just let me have this version of forever.”

I see the resolution in his eyes. The earlier pain burrows deeper inside me.

I should say no. I should push him away.

But for the first time in my life, I want to be in the spotlight.

His spotlight.

Even if it’s only for a few more days. Because I love him.

“Until the end of the cruise,” I whisper.

A groan ripples from his throat and he hoists me up and tosses me onto the recliner.

Then he falls upon me.