Page 44 of When Hearts Unravel (The Orchid #6)

Closing my eyes, I take off my hair tie and shake out my hair, letting it billow against the crisp evening wind as I make my way to the sun deck, where I’m supposed to meet Lana.

There’s a reckoning coming. She’s after the truth about Rex and me. There’s only so much dodging I can do on a ship—even one of this size.

Even though I’m running late because of a call with my parents gone long, I take a quick minute to admire the melting sunset on the horizon, the skies a veritable display of gemstones—sparkling stars making its existence known against a watercolor of oranges, purples, and blues.

I think back to the conversation I had with my mom a few minutes ago, when I promised her I was booking a trip to LA.

For my thirtieth birthday at the end of April.

It’s time to stop fleeing my past. Perhaps going on this cruise was what I needed to finally recognize the path I was on wasn’t sustainable.

I don’t want to live life to please others, to follow each rule to a T and not allow myself the grace to try new things, to make my own mistakes and learn from them.

I want the world to see me for me, like how Rex sees me.

Maybe my time with him is limited because, for whatever reason, he doesn’t want to be with me, and I won’t force him because I deserve more.

My forever will choose me. He’ll pick me over and over again.

And in the meantime, I’ll treat this trip as a break—have fun, make mistakes with a sexy man who can’t be my forever. The old me would never have done it—broke rules, set myself up for heartbreak.

But the new me?

She’s scared of pain, but isn’t afraid of heartbreak. She’s still afraid of heights and small spaces, but won’t stop challenging herself. Because I would’ve lived. I would’ve done something worth risking everything over.

That’s got to count for something, right?

And so, when Mom rambled about braised pork belly again, asking me, “Ni chi fan le ma?” if I’d eaten yet, because she’s still incapable of saying “I love you,” I stopped her.

The thick pause, the way my heart seized when I told her one of the many truths I’d held inside me all these years.

“Ma, I’m Olivia, not Mia. I’ll never be Mia.

I never liked braised pork belly. Mia did.

My favorite dish is not even Chinese. It’s Italian.

Wild boar ragu. I hate almond cookies, but tolerated them because you and Mia loved them.

I’m not outgoing, don’t need to try out a new restaurant every week because I’m happy eating the same ten dishes on rotation.

I love you and don’t blame you. I just want to let you know I’m not Mia, and I’ll never be her. And I need you to be okay with it.”

I hung up without waiting for her response.

It’s rude. Filial piety—respecting, taking care of, and obeying your parents and elderly relatives without question—is something that has been drilled into me since I was young.

It’s my cultural heritage, but I guess that’s the issue with being second generation—I’m not Asian enough for my parents, nor have I forgotten my culture.

I’m a blend.

That’s me. Unapologetically me.

Harried whispers reach my ears as I approach the lounge chairs by the infinity pool where I’m meeting Lana. My feet come to a halt at the scene before me.

Bree is standing next to Elias. She’s gesturing wildly, her face scrunched up.

She’s clearly stressed about something. The mobster, dressed in his usual suit, leans casually against the railing, but the tense clasp of his hands tells me he’s anything but relaxed.

He murmurs a few words, which seem to calm Bree down, and she stalks off.

What is Bree doing with Elias? The puzzle pieces float around in my mind—the strange interactions between Rex and Bree, the vagueness when I ask about their relationship.

The sadness in Bree’s eyes when she talks about moving.

And now, her interacting with a dangerous man everyone in New York City fears.

Something is brewing.

Elias huffs out a sigh before he unfurls himself from the railing. He reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a metallic object—a lighter I’ve seen him carry around.

Then he turns around and walks toward the aft of the ship, pausing when he reaches a figure lying on a lounge chair, clearly asleep.

Lana.

My breath catches. Something tells me to stay put to see what he’ll do.

The man steps forward and shrugs off his jacket, then he drapes it over my slumbering friend. He reaches down, his lips curving up slightly into a rare smile. His hand almost grazes her face, but he pulls back before they touch. For a moment he freezes, so still he almost doesn’t even seem human.

Then he stands up, his head whipping toward me, his piercing eyes intense. He lifts his index finger to his lips as if to tell me to be quiet, which would be silly since I’m not making any noise.

He’s telling me not to tell her what he did.

Strange indeed.

When I nod, he returns the gesture, then walks away.

Frowning at the bizarre sequence of events I just witnessed, I walk over to Lana, biting back a smile when I see her normally sleek brown hair windblown and covering her face, her nose scrunching, her mouth slightly parted.

Any second now and she’ll probably start drooling.

Her fingers are loosely clasping a small black box.

The graceful Anderson has a decidedly normal side.

“Earth to Lana. I’m here for you to dissect,” I singsong and poke her arm.

She jolts up, her head whipping around, and yanks out a strand of hair that has slipped into her mouth.

“Shit! You scared me.”

“Had to wake you up. You were snoring. Scared everyone away.”

“No way! I don’t snore. Lana Anderson never snores. I wasn’t even sleeping. I just closed my eyes a bit to rest.”

I snort. “If you say so. Although I have to admire you for that. I can never fall asleep in public.”

Lana stretches her arms above her, the black box tumbling out of her grasp, and she quickly snatches it before it falls off the chair.

“Whew, that was a close one.” She blows out a breath, her eyes as big as dinner plates.

“What’s that?” I motion to the box.

She shrugs. “A puzzle box. I love them and usually have one or two with me to fiddle with whenever I’m bored. There’s supposed to be a secret hidden inside if only I could open it—”

Lana pauses and stares at the gray suit jacket that has fallen onto her lap. “What’s this?”

For a moment I want to tell her about Elias, but something about the mobster’s expression—a flash of vulnerability when he lifted his finger to his lips—gives me pause.

Plus, I don’t think I want my friend to be wondering about a man who blackmails and kills people for a living.

So instead, I smack my lips and give her my best Lana Anderson imitation—big eyes, wide smile, a slight batting of my eyelashes. Reverse interrogation, take that!

“I don’t know. You tell me. I thought you were just ‘resting your eyes.’ Do you have a secret admirer?”

“What?” A strange flush creeps up her face. She clutches the black box tighter in her hand. “That’s impossible. No way.”

“Really now?” I plop down on the chair next to her and soften my tone, using the most calming voice I’ve perfected for my profession. “You seem agitated, Lana. What were you just thinking about?”

“I’m perplexed. I mean, there’s no way I’d have—” She frowns, eyes narrowing.

“Oh, don’t you dare, Olivia. Don’t use that doctor voice on me.

We’re here for you and I’m wide awake now.

Spill. Tell me what the heck is going on with you and my brother, and don’t even bother denying it.

You, Ms. I can’t lie for shit, are throwing all sorts of guilty signals, yes—just like that. ”

I groan and bury my heated face in my hands.

“Come to mama. I want to hear the truth from you.” She pulls me into her arms and the scent of roses hits my nose.

Warmth unfurls inside me even as amusement joins the party. She pats my back like I’m a little child, even though she’s only two years older than me.

“You aren’t giving up, are you?” I mumble into her shoulder.

“Nope. I grew up with four older brothers who tried everything to stop me from butting into their business. Never giving up is my middle name. I can compete in the Olympics with my mad skills.”

I snicker and pull away.

Staring at my friend, noting her familiar gray eyes pinched in concern, I force out a smile, a lump suddenly forming in my throat.

“I…I may have made a bad decision, and the worst thing is, I don’t regret it.”

She stays silent, clearly waiting for me to continue.

What will she think about you if she knows? She hired you to be on the cruise as a doctor. She trusted you to be professional. You’ve broken the cardinal rule. What will she—

My lungs tighten in a vise and my palms grow clammy.

Aren’t I embracing my new self? Raw honesty and truth. No more hiding? Be brave enough to make mistakes, fall down, and get back up?

“Olivia… You can tell me. I won’t judge you, I swear.”

Something in her voice makes me look at her. Lana smiles—a soft, sad smile—and an answering ache blooms in my chest.

She knows already.

I take a deep breath and gather my courage.

“I…I love Rex. I know I’m not supposed to. He’s my patient. There are rules. Boundaries. Ethics. But he makes me feel so much and I…I—”

“Oh, sweetie.” She pulls me into a hug as tears slide down my cheeks.

Everything catches up to me—the events of the last few weeks, my call with Mom earlier, the things I’ve learned about myself, how deprived I was of acceptance, and how deep I’ve buried my feelings.

Then there’s the grief from losing Mia, from losing my identity to my parents and the world.

Finally, the ecstasy and heartbreak I simultaneously feel with Rex, knowing our time is limited because he’s unwilling to fix whatever’s plaguing him.

It’s overwhelming.

The tears become sobs as I shake in her arms.

“I’m going to kill him. I’ll find Rex and rip him a new one. I told him not to mess with you, that you aren’t a plaything—”

Shaking my head, I whisper, “He treats me like I’m precious.”

It might be easier if he treated me like the other women, a good time he didn’t care about.

“Then what’s wrong?”

My lips tremble and I tell her everything—well, as much as I can without violating confidences from my sessions with Rex.

Lana is quiet as she listens, and true to her promise, she doesn’t pull away or appear to judge me.

She nods when I tell her about Mia and her suicide, about my family, about feeling invisible because I’ve been trying to live for my lost twin, to not cause pain for my parents, who’ll always grieve for their dead child.

I tell her about Rex—how he, for the first time, made me see colors I was blind to, made me believe Olivia Lin was bewitching just as herself.

And when everything is said and done, I lean against her shoulder and stare at the dark skies, now navy blue, the sunset long having disappeared.

“You know, I knew you guys were together. I just wanted to hear your side.”

I freeze, then look up. My side? She’s talked to Rex?

Lana nods. “Maxwell and I got the truth out of him back in Tuscany.”

I gasp. Maxwell? Oh no. I’m going to lose my job, my reputation. This is bad. Well, it was bad all along, but this is bad.

Lana must see my panic because she pats my hand and says, “You guys weren’t exactly inconspicuous.

Then Greg Masters threatened with the photo.

It wasn’t hard to put two and two together.

Rex fessed up when we asked him. I won’t lie and tell you we weren’t upset initially.

A doctor being involved with her patient doesn’t look good, you know? ”

“I’m sorry,” I look down, “for keeping this from you guys. But not for loving your brother. He’s a special man. He has so much love to give. A generous soul. It’s impossible not to love him.” It’s true. I have regrets, but none of them include loving Rex Anderson.

“Well, if there’s one thing I know by watching my siblings fall in love in impossible situations, sometimes life puts the right person in front of you at what seemingly is the wrong time or wrong place.

But things have a way of working themselves out, as long as you follow your heart and live with no regrets. That’s all that matters, isn’t it?”

A soft breeze carries away her words, but they’ve burrowed deeply inside me already. “I must’ve disappointed you, Lana. I’m a board-certified doctor. I should know better. I’m—”

She squeezes my hand. “If emotions were easy to turn on and off, I think you’d be out of a job.”

We chuckle at that.

“Why are you single? I never asked before.” I nudge her side.

It’s nice to finally open up to someone. The world didn’t collapse.

She sighs, leans back, and stares at the stars in the sky. “Maybe I’m waiting for someone from a long time ago. It’s silly. They all leave… I just wish one would stay.”

Her answer is cryptic, and I wait for her to continue, but she doesn’t.

“And no, I’m not disappointed in you. Do I prefer my best friend not to risk her career with my heartbreaker of a brother?

Yes, I do, because I don’t want you to get hurt.

Do I love you and Rex? Yes, I do. Do I wish Rex could settle down, and if he did, would I be happy with him being with someone I’d love to call a sister? Yes, I do.”

Sister. My eyes prickle and my nose burns. I hold everyone at arm’s length, but Lana has never held that against me.

I’d love to have her as a sister too.

“Th-Thank you,” I whisper, my voice hoarse.

Then, she turns toward me and smiles—a gentle, kind smile I know from her.

“I envy you, to be honest. Even if the person who has you in knots is Rex, who drives me nuts on the best days, to feel so much you’ll risk everything for?

That’s something, you know? Not everyone has that.

You’re one of my best friends and I love you just as you are, Olivia—shy, quiet, loyal, the best Twelfth Night actress I’ve ever seen. ”

A half snort, half giggle tumbles out of my lips.

She winks. “I don’t have your answers. I know you don’t expect them from me. Just remember, I’m always here for you, and I’ll never leave.”

I burst into tears again and throw my arms around her shoulders.

I’ll never leave.

That’s it, isn’t it? The people I love have left or are going to leave me. My twin, my parents, and now…Rex.

“I love him so much, Lana. But he has issues—I can’t fix him. We only have this trip left before life catches up to us.”

Lana heaves out a sad sigh. “Then, in that case, make the best of the time you have left. Live with no regrets.”

Carpe diem.

Mia’s words rattle inside my mind, but this time, the cadence is different—it’s softer, quieter.

My voice.

Carpe diem. Live for myself.