Page 56

“Sir, you should stay for one more night. You aren’t ready to be discharged yet.” The nurse hurries behind me as I yank off the IV and put on my clothes.

My breath comes out in a hiss, the pain ricocheting from the bullet wound in my abdomen—a through and through that somehow missed all my vital organs.

Other than significant blood loss requiring transfusion yesterday and prophylactic antibiotics, I’m weak, but fine.

“I’m not staying here. Tell the doctor to send the discharge papers to Fleur.”

I can’t stay here.

I can’t bear the smell of antiseptic agents, the annoying barrage of beeping noises from the machines, the way everyone tiptoes on the tiled floors because they’re afraid of disturbing the patients resting in nearby rooms.

It reminds me too much of the eight long years of waiting at Alexis’s bedside, hoping she’ll wake up.

The nurse scurries away, no doubt shaking her head in exasperation, and I march toward my destination, which quickly comes into view.

There she is, my sleeping beauty.

My heart clenches when I step into yet another sterile room, but this time, my Nova lies on the bed, her eyes closed, her copper locks fanned out on her pillow.

Logically, I know she’s fine—she’s asleep, not in a coma .

But my mind doesn’t compute, my emotions and panic sending me into a tailspin.

Olivia and Taylor rise from their chairs.

Charles gives me a nod from the window, his brows furrowed.

Liam and Lana hurry over.

“Ethan! Why are you up and walking around?” Lana fawns over me, her eyes shining with concern.

Liam squeezes my arm.

“She’s fine. The doctors just gave her some IV fluids and said she passed out from exhaustion. Nothing to worry about, man.”

I shake my head.

I can’t answer them.

I can’t even bring myself to look at him and Charles.

Their sister almost lost her life because of me.

Against all odds, she saved us last night in the Hudson.

She held onto me, a dead weight because I’d already passed out from blood loss and somehow found herself a buoy and swam to the nearby Chelsea pier in waters so cold, even a healthy person would’ve had difficulties navigating it.

I was told Elias’s men found us first, and she collapsed in front of them.

The cops came minutes later with her brothers.

They said her lips were turning blue and her skin was just a shade above white.

Exhaustion. Overexertion.

Near drowning.

Trey and Dayton were caught as they tried to escape the Delfina.

Wisely, they’re keeping their mouths shut about The Association, because snitches in the past have ended up dead behind bars.

But between the findings from my investigation and the proof Alexis says she has, the duo will be locked up for a long time.

But the victory is hollow.

“Come on, let’s give them some privacy.” Lana presses a kiss on my cheek, then beckons the others out of the room.

“I love you, Ethan. I’m so glad you guys are okay.”

“She’s fine,” Taylor murmurs as she passes by me.

“I’m here if you need to chat. Don’t overthink this.” That’s Olivia, using her psychiatrist’s voice.

She knows the guilt eating me up inside.

“Those fucking bastards,” Charles seethes, his lips snarling.

“Elias and I will handle The Association.” Liam’s voice is thick as he grips my shoulder.

“Thank you for taking one for her.” He looks at my bandaged abs.

“I’d do it all over again.” Without hesitation.

Liam’s eyes glisten and he pulls me in for a hug before filtering out of the room with the others.

Blowing out a heavy exhale, I walk to her bedside and sit down.

Quietly, I take her hand in mine and close my eyes.

The same sterile smell burns my nostrils.

The same beep…beep…beep of the machines echoes in the room.

The same chill of the AC brushes against our skin.

My hands shake and cold sweat beads on my forehead.

I feel sick to my stomach.

“I can’t do this, Nova,” I whisper, my voice raw.

“I almost lost you ten years ago, and it tore me apart. I spent years blaming myself because I didn’t go to you that day. Because I didn’t teach you how to swim.”

Pressing a kiss on the back of her hand, I continue, “And now, a decade later, I got you back. It’s a m-miracle.” My heart twists in my chest. “Even though you don’t remember us. I got a second chance with you. But then, this happened, and I almost lost you again. You risked your life for me… You shouldn’t have done that.”

Guilt presses heavily on my lungs and I strain my next inhale.

“If you died by saving me, how could I go on living?”

The Anderson men aren’t lucky in love.

The phrase reverberates in my mind.

My heart ripped open all those years ago, the wound nearly terminal when she was in a coma.

When she woke up, she painstakingly mended me, and for a few months, I thought I might recover.

I may have a scar, or I might need a pacemaker for the rest of my life, but I’ll have a lifetime with her.

But now, seeing her once again sleeping in a hospital bed, this time because of me—a serrated knife severs the old wound wide open, and fear strangles my heart, squeezing the blood from it.

I’m too damaged.

Olivia’s right.

Perhaps I do have PTSD.

“I’ll love you forever, Nova,” I whisper and stand.

Reaching inside my jacket, I pull out a note I wrote earlier and set it on her nightstand.

“I need time… I need to fix me. I’m so, so sorry.”

I must’ve slept like the dead.

That’s the first thought in my head as I blink my eyes open, wincing at the cold daylight streaming in from the windows.

Then I feel it—the pain in my muscles—no doubt from overexertion.

Fighting the current and swimming with an unconscious man in my arms will do that to you.

I was lucky to come across a detached buoy.

Otherwise, I don’t know how I could’ve held onto Ethan and still made it to safety.

But you did it, Lexy.

You saved him. You got over your fear!

I bite back a smile.

I kicked ass.

“You’re awake.” Taylor hovers over me, her forehead pinched with concern.

Behind her, I see Millie, Belle, and Olivia.

“How are you feeling? Does anything hurt?” Millie asks, her blue eyes roving over me.

“I’m fine. Sleeping really helped. I’ve never been so tired.” Slowly, I sit up and wince as pain sizzles up my right leg.

Dammit. More physical therapy in the future.

“Maxwell and the boys were here earlier, but I sent them home. Even your high school friend, Sandra, dropped by.” She motions to the small bouquet on my nightstand, a small card tucked within.

Get well soon. The Lexy I knew back at Broadbent was a badass—and she still is today.

Sandra

A bittersweet smile tilts my lips.

Oddly, seeing her flowers by my hospital bed feels like closure.

The world moved on while I was in a coma—we’ve both changed and so has our friendship.

But that’s okay. Because I love what I have now.

“I should call them and let them know you’re awake.” Belle wraps me in her arms. “I agree with Sandra. You’re a badass, just like Tay.” She looks at my best friend, who’s still fussing over my blankets.

The goth ballerina has the warmest heart.

“How’s Ethan?” I sit up, wanting to check on him.

I saw him after they sewed him up and told me he was okay.

He was resting when I headed back into my room, exhausted to my bones.

The girls exchange a glance, and Olivia gives me a strained smile.

“I think he needs some time to process everything. This was a lot for him, especially with what happened back then when you were…”

Her voice trails off, but I know what she’s going to say.

Coma. When I was in a coma.

He must blame himself.

He must be worried sick about me.

My heart clenches as I relive the horrible moments of the man I love throwing himself between a bullet and me.

I’ll die before I let anything happen to you .

His fervent vow.

I almost lost him.

“I want to see him.” I need to hold him, to kiss him, to feel his strong arms around me.

“He discharged himself a few hours ago. He left you a note.” Olivia motions to the folded paper on my nightstand.

Unease seeps inside me as I unfold his note.

My Dearest Nova,

When you slipped into a coma a decade ago, teetering on the edge of the living and the dead, my soul died.

I’d never felt such excruciating pain before—a cocktail of regret, guilt, sadness, and loss so deep, so unfathomable, I questioned my will to live.

But I told myself I had to, because you needed me.

Because I needed to give you strength, so one day you’d wake up and find me at your side.

Then one month became two, then three, then it became one year, two years, and more.

My heart hardened.

I became bitter, a cold shell of my former self.

But I needed to stay strong for you.

Because you were still sleeping.

I told myself I’d pay any price to have you wake up and look at me with those beautiful blue eyes of yours.

Even if the price was your memories.

And you did wake up.

A miracle, and against all odds, you fell in love with me again.

While I grieved losing the past Alexis, all the beautiful memories only I remembered, I celebrated the fact I get to love the present Alexis—beautiful, enthralling, as intoxicating as ever—and I could create more memories with you.

Maybe eventually, my heart wouldn’t be riddled with pain.

I wouldn’t feel those scars.

But then, this happened.

You almost died saving me.

I almost lost you again.

The thought suffocates me.

The idea of you, your vibrancy and spark, your zest for life being snuffed out.

It terrifies me to the core.

And I realize how messed up I am.

How fear has me tightly in its grasp.

Unrelenting.

Lexy, I’ve loved you for over a decade, but for you, you’ve only loved me for a few months.

I can’t help but wonder, don’t you deserve someone without all these scars, fears, and wounds?

Don’t you deserve someone to love you without being afraid?

I don’t know what I’m trying to say, but I need to get my thoughts out.

I know this is the fear talking.

I guess I’m telling you this—I need time.

Time to process everything.

I need to fix myself, to be a man worthy of your love.

Love,

Ethan

I promptly burst into tears.

I can’t believe him.

Even after everything we’ve gone through, doesn’t he know we’re better as a team?

That he doesn’t have to navigate this alone?

“Stupid, stupid man. He can fix himself with me next to him.”

Taylor sits on my bed and pulls me into a hug.

“Men are stupid. If it weren’t for the fact we need them to reproduce, they would’ve gone extinct years ago.”

“He’ll come to his senses,” Olivia murmurs.

“He loves you too much. He went through hell in the last decade. The accident took a lot out of him. Give him grace, Lexy. He’s not thinking straight.”

The other girls nod.

“I know. I don’t blame him. Heck, if I were him, I wouldn’t be thinking clearly either,” I mumble into Taylor’s shoulder .

Olivia’s words echo inside me.

The things we’ve gone through the last decade.

The accident. The memories.

What happened to Taylor.

I gasp, pulling away, and stare at the familiar gray eyes of my best friend.

“Girls, can I talk to Taylor alone, please?”

Belle opens her mouth, but Millie grabs her wrist and shakes her head.

Olivia stands and pats me on my back.

“We’ll be outside if you need us.”

The girls leave the room.

“Is everything okay, Lexy?” Taylor asks, sitting on the edge of my bed.

I take her in—my best friend—how she sits straight, her shoulders back and eyes fierce.

The strength in them.

Despite the darkness she went through.

Taking a deep breath, I push out the next words.

“I remember what happened, Tay.” I swallow.

“What happened to you.”

She intakes a sharp inhale, her hand flying to her lips.

Her throat ripples as she clearly tries to compose herself, but a wet sheen appears in her eyes.

“You do?”

I nod. “Uncle Ian violated you, didn’t he? Because of The Association?”

Her lips tremble as she looks away, the tears pooling in her eyes.

She nods.

I crumble and sob.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t save you that night. I was too late. I tried to get evidence to put him away, but they got to me. They got to me before I could get you justice. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here with you.”

“You’re silly!” Taylor throws herself at me, her voice thick.

I feel wetness on my shoulders and I know she’s crying, just like I am.

“You tried. And maybe you don’t remember…but you stashed a copy of your video at the ballet academy. That was how we put him away. It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t my fault. ”

“He’s not dead, is he? That’s why no one talks about him.”

“He’s rotting in jail.”

“I…I don’t understand how he could do this. Tay Tay, I’m so sor—”

“You can’t stop greed, Lexy. Ian wanted power only The Association could give, but joining the organization had a price. A crime of their choosing. He had a choice, and he chose to be a violent criminal. You and I are victims of shitty circumstances, but guess what?”

She pulls back, and despite the tears streaking down her face, a fierce glint shines from her eyes.

“We’re fighters. You and me. Badasses. Our pasts can’t take us down.”

Warmth rushes through me, a lump thick in my throat.

I nod, in awe of her strength, her resilience.

“Focus on yourself, okay? I’ve worked through it. I see a therapist. Don’t you dare feel guilty because none of this is your fault.”

Nodding, I swipe away my tears.

My memories aren’t all back yet, and I’m sure someday I can piece together all the missing pieces, but something significant finally slides into place.

After a few moments of silence, she asks, “So, what are you going to do about Ethan?”

I stare out the window.

“I’ll give us both time to process everything, then we need to have a chat.”