Page 15

Past: One Year Before the Accident—Twenty-Three Years Old

When I first drove to Ravenswood Library in the middle of a hurricane, the rain felt like a dawn of a new era, washing away the grime from the past—Anderson men and their bad luck with love, my uncertainties about my place in the family, my fear of commitment.

I was going to meet the girl who believed in me, who encouraged me, who made me laugh and liked me as the nobody Delaney, the Keeper.

I wanted to touch her and kiss her and listen to her often random and whimsical thoughts as they popped up in her mind.

I was tempted—so very tempted—to dive in headfirst and experience why Dad still has a smile on his face whenever we talk about Mom, even if the smile is tinged with sadness.

My Nova, my dreamer, made me brave.

When my lips touched hers, a shot of adrenaline jabbed straight into my heart.

Every inch of me thrummed with awareness.

One taste and I was addicted.

But now, I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut.

She’s the Alexis. Liam’s sister.

The one woman I’m never supposed to look at, not to even mention touch.

It’s a vow I made—and we Andersons are men of our word.

You can blame that on our British aristocratic ancestors for passing the honor gene down to us .

I still remember vividly the day Liam warned me off his sister—a seemingly innocuous car ride toward the lake house our friend owned during our junior year at Columbia.

“You’re my best friend, but seriously, you have issues. I’m sorry for any girl who dates you, jackass.” Liam had shoved a few Cheetos into his mouth.

I snickered as I maneuvered my car toward the exit on the freeway.

“They knew what they signed up for. We can have fun, but I’ll never give them my heart.”

He whistled.

“If I were Cleo’s older brother, and I heard you say this, I’d punch you in the face and dismember you a tiny piece at a time. Thank God you’re my friend and my sister is out of bounds.”

“Who said so?”

“You better not, dipshit. Or else I’d kill you. Lexy is the most important person to me and deserves far better than you. She’s better than both of us combined.” He glared at me, his jaw tightening.

Liam Vaughn, my evil twin, the guy who said rules were made to be broken, was never serious, but he sure was then.

“There’s no way on earth I’d introduce you to Firefly.”

“Fuck. Chill. You have nothing to worry about from me. I won’t do anything to jeopardize our friendship. I owe you one.”

“You sure do. You’re lucky I got that misdemeanor off on a technicality. Fucking hazing rituals. Imagine the headlines, ‘Anderson family’s fourth son arrested for theft of the famous school mascot, while running stark naked across campus.’ You’d be a pariah.”

I rolled my eyes but remained silent.

He was right. College fraternity hazing or not, I should’ve drawn the line at breaking the law, but the lure of having an identity in a family, in a fraternity, was too hard to resist for the eighteen-year-old me.

Liam sighed. “But seriously, you’re always keeping everyone at arm’s length. Aren’t you afraid of growing old and dying alone, dipshit?”

“No. I have you, asshole. Like any girl would want you. ”

He then chucked a Cheeto at my face.

“God, why do I put up with you?”

Another flash of lightning splits across the skies, the thick clouds hanging low, smothering us in its wrath.

I yank my collar, struggling to breathe and trying, but failing to ignore the redheaded vixen sitting quietly next to me.

Too quiet. Alex is never quiet.

We haven’t spoken until today, but her vibrant personality blazes through every letter and text.

She’s the life of the party, the girl who moves with the wind.

Passionate. Untamed.

Impossible to ignore.

The windshield wipers swipe aggressively at the rain, but it’s no use—the world is one blurry mess of grayscale, red taillights from other cars winking in front of me, forcing me to drive at the pace of a snail.

“It doesn’t matter Liam’s my brother, right?” She finally speaks, softly.

I sneak another glance at her, finding her eyes pinned on the road, but her hands are twisting the hem of her blouse.

Twisting, releasing, and knotting it again.

My fingertips prickle, the neurons misfiring.

I’m floored by my impulse to reach over and hold her hand, knowing how soft and warm she feels against me.

How right it is to have her hand in mine.

“Your brother is the most important person to me outside of my family and—” I stop myself, but I hear her breath hitch and I know she understands what I can’t say.

Outside of you.

“You see, Alexis—”

“I liked it better when you called me Nova.”

Things were different when she was my Nova.

But she can’t be. Not anymore.

I swallow, but the lump in my throat grows.

“ Alexis , I’m an Anderson. Part of a famous family of overachievers. You know how I felt—lost, trying to measure up, to feel like I deserve to be part of that family. I love them, there’s no doubt about that. I’d die for them. But I always felt like the odd man out.”

Maxwell and Ryland, being twins, were always attached at the hip.

Rex and Lana, both extroverted, are the life of the party.

They egg each other on and just seem to “get” each other.

Then there’s me, the quiet one.

After entering the underground parking structure at Manhattan Memorial, I park the car.

“Liam and I met at orientation at Columbia. He was the devil-may-care punk who looked like he’d be working at a tattoo parlor than burying his head in books. He befriended the quiet rich kid who sat in the back corner. I’d avoided my classmates—most of them wanted to butter me up because of my family. To them, I was an Anderson. It didn’t matter who Ethan was. I could be an asshole and they’d pretend I was their best friend.”

Shaking my head, I think back to the forced smiles I gave as people stopped me in the commons, the hushed whispers I’d hear when I went back to my apartment on campus, hoping I’d be able to experience some sort of normal college student life, then, there was the crushing disappointment when yet again, I either felt like a bird on display at the zoo or someone faking it, pretending everything was okay.

“Liam didn’t give a shit. He plopped down next to me and said I could use a joint because I looked like I had a stick shoved up my ass.” I chuckle, thinking of my best friend’s antics.

“Then, after insulting me, he asked me to borrow a notepad and a pen because he forgot to bring anything. It was refreshing. He was honest and so damn loyal to me over the years. In some ways, he felt more like a brother to me than my own siblings.”

I turn to her, finding her startling blue eyes intent on me.

“He saved me on a few occasions, and I owe him one. Maybe you think it’s stupid, but I promised him I’d never mess with his sister.”

Raking my fingers through my hair, I continue, “My track record with women isn’t good. You know that. I’ve told you in our letters. To be honest, until you, I’d never thought I’d want to commit to someone— not just sex, but emotions and all. I still don’t know if I can do it or if I’ll screw it up, because shit runs in my family when it comes to love.”

My gaze trails down to her fingers, which are tugging at her shirt, plucking at a loose thread, unraveling it, pulling at it some more.

I let myself have this next moment and grab her hand, hearing her soft intake of breath and feeling electricity sizzling through me.

Induction—my Nova and me.

No. Not your Nova.

“I don’t want to risk my friendship with him. I don’t want to break my vow.” I grip her hand tightly.

“And…I don’t want to ultimately hurt you.”

The thickness in the air is stifling.

“Are you breaking up with me before we really start?” My heart clenches at the rawness in her voice.

“Just because you’re too afraid to tell my brother how you feel and too chicken to give this ,” she shakes our interlinked hands, “a try?”

I drag my gaze up to hers, finding her eyes now blazing with fury, her face flushed, nostrils flaring.

She’s a warrior bracing for a battle.

Glorious. She’s fucking glorious.

She needs someone who can jump in headfirst, someone who knows how to have relationships and be in love.

Not someone who still has his training wheels on.

Like me.

“I… Fuck. I can’t answer you!”

Lexy pulls the latch and shoves the door open, a burst of cold air infiltrating the car.

She gets out and spins around, her eyes fierce.

“Well, I won’t make the choice for you. I won’t beg you either, because I’m fucking unforgettable, Ethan Anderson. When you get your head out of your ass, you can come find me!”

She slams the door and stalks away, leaving me sitting in the car in stark silence.

Fuck .

A few hours later, I lay on my bed, staring into the darkness, the cacophony of Hurricane Ana slamming against the windows keeping me company.

My mind is a mess.

The shrill ringing of my phone interrupts my thoughts.

“Liam, how’s your grandmother?”

“She’s stable, thank God. Just a broken leg, but they’re going to monitor her a bit. Thanks for bringing Lexy by. How’s work? Did you get what you needed done at the library?” Cars honk in the background.

He must be on the road.

“It’s fine.” It was an excuse anyway.

There was no way I was going to tell him I was meeting a girl at the library.

And thank God for that, because that girl turned out to be his sister.

“Just fine? I thought there was some shit going on at work?”

“Nah. Trey saved my ass again. I thought there was an inconsistency in my financials, but he double-checked and everything balanced.” And this is why I want to start from the bottom.

I need the experience before I become a CFO.

“By the way, I’m spending the night at the mansion to keep Lexy company. Charles had to fly out for a business trip.”

“All right.” Her wounded eyes appear in my vision again and my chest seizes.

Is she okay? Is she sad?

Angry still? Does she miss me?

“Hey, did she tell you anything in the car? Even after we got the good news about Grandma, she still looked really upset. She told me it was because of an upcoming test for her finance class, but I’m not so sure.”

I swallow, my mouth running dry.

Keeping my voice light, I reply, “No. She didn’t say anything. She was pretty quiet.”

“Huh. That’s not her. Maybe it is the finance class then. She always hated numbers. Never did well in these types of classes at Broadbent either.”

“Finance and math are a different language, just like your coding and computer science. But once you figure it out, it’s easy. ”

“Right.” Liam mulls over that for a few seconds.

“Hey, can you do me a solid?”

I frown, my muscles tensing from the tilt of his voice.

I won’t like what comes out of his mouth next.

“Tutor her for me. She’s asked Charles, but he’s slammed at work. I don’t know finance or else I’d do it myself. But heck, even if I do, she’ll never listen. We’ll just fight the entire time. You’re the up and coming financial genius. Help her—teach her that ‘language,’ will you?”

My heart throttles to life and I bolt up on my bed.

See her with her brother’s blessing?

Be close to her? Maybe touch her?

My mouth forms the word, “yes,” when my conversation with her in the car floods in.

How the hell will I be able to stay away from her?

Keep my distance? Keep my promise to Liam?

It’ll be impossible.

“I’m not sure—”

“Serious, Dels. I’ve never seen her this focused before. Ever since she started college, she’s got this drive—I can’t explain it. But she’s happy. She’s talking about doing marketing in the future. This class is important to her. Please help me out. There’s no one I trust more with my little sister than you. She’ll have a bonus brother. She’ll love it.”

A bonus brother.

Trust.

He used to say I couldn’t meet his sister because he didn’t trust me enough, but now he does.

And it’s worse—it’s a betrayal.

He’ll kill me if he knows what my dreams late at night are.

How I can’t fall asleep until I’ve fucked my hand to the thought of his precious little sister.

“Dels?”

I release my breath, my heartbeat now blaring an emergency alarm inside my rib cage.

“Fine. I’ll do it.”

I’m so fucking screwed.