Page 44

“Goodnight, Mom,” I say as she heads to bed shortly after I get home. She’ll be up another hour in there, I’m sure—she always liked to read a while before going to sleep, and it’s a habit I picked up, too.

I head to my own bedroom, too, and I glance out the window. Tristan’s blinds are still open, but his room is dark. A sliver of light peeks in from the hallway, and I can’t help but wonder what he’s doing over there.

I check my phone and spot some missed messages.

Unknown Number: I’m sure you’re busy but I’d love to stop by and say hi.

It’s the same number as earlier, and I still have no idea who it is.

I decide to respond this time.

Me: I’m so sorry but I have no idea who this is.

I see a text from Sara next.

Sara: How’s home? How are you? Miss you already. Lakeshore is boring without you.

I write back, but as much as I love her, I’m not ready to talk about Tristan.

Me: I’m fine! Miss you too. It’s boring here too and a little weird living with my mother again as an adult. But so far so good! Say hi to everyone for me. Except Cam. [cringe emoji] How’s the new house?

Sara: Amazing! I can’t wait for you to come visit!

I start drafting a text back when I hear a noise at my window. I glance up, and I spot Tristan. His window is open enough for him to toss a stone out toward the frame of my window—the same way he always used to get my attention.

I move over toward the window and slide it open just enough that I can talk to him through it, and I grab a blanket before I settle in.

“What’s up, Higs?” I ask as I stretch my legs out in front of me and pull the blanket on.

“It’s nine fifty-four,” he says, sitting on his windowsill and stretching his legs out, too. “I wondered if you’d be here.”

“Three minutes,” I say.

He nods. “Every time the clock strikes nine fifty-seven, I still think of you. Sometimes when it’s nine fifty-six, I wait to watch it change.”

My chest wavers with emotion as his words hit me. “Me too,” I admit.

“What happened, Tessa?” he asks softly, his voice hoarse with emotion. “Where did you go?”

Heat presses behind my eyes, and I close them as I try to ward off the tears. “My aunt’s house,” I say. I’m not ready to admit more than that.

“But you didn’t say goodbye. Why didn’t you say goodbye?” He’s not whispering, but his voice is low and strained as he asks the question that must have plagued him since the day it happened.

Guilt wraps around me. It wasn’t my choice. I couldn’t control any of it. But I still feel guilty that I left him behind, that I was forced to give him up…to give everything up.

“My dad…he wouldn’t give me your number, and he wouldn’t let me have a phone. He thought it was better that way. He thought we were getting too close, that we were engaging in a sinful relationship…” I tell him all the things my dad told me while I still leave out the biggest piece of the whole thing.

And even worse than all that, he was having sinful relationships of his own. It was like he used me as remorse for the horrible things he was doing.

He sent me away the same way he sent the other women away to have babies on their own. Only they got to keep theirs with whatever promises my father made to them to ensure my mom and I wouldn’t find out.

I wasn’t as lucky.

Just the thought of it has those hot tears spilling over onto my cheeks.

There’s so much at play here I didn’t even realize. My first question when I found out about Stephanie was how a person could just send away a baby like that…but then I realized it was a pattern with him.

The thought of it makes me sick, and it has me clutching my stomach beneath my blanket with love for what’s happening inside my body at this very moment.

Nobody will make me give this baby up.

Nobody.

“Hey,” Tristan soothes from across the way.

I wipe away the tears. “I’m fine. It’s just…I realize now how my father had these other children hidden away, and he sent me away like he was taking out his sins on me.” I shake my head. “It’s just…wrong.”

“Do you have relationships with these other siblings?” he asks.

“I haven’t spoken to Michael since the funeral. Stephanie gave me her number, which I didn’t use, but then she found me on social media. I always wanted a sibling, but not like that, you know? I don’t see myself getting close with her or anything.”

He nods. “Yeah. I don’t know how I’d react in your shoes.”

“I don’t know how to react either,” I admit. “I don’t know if there’s a right or wrong way to deal with secrets that come out after a parent dies. You just…take it one day at a time, I guess.”

He clears his throat as he nods, and it’s so natural to get into these deeper sorts of conversations with him even after we’ve spent so many years apart. It’s so natural to fall back into the place we once were.

“Nine fifty-seven,” he says softly, and our eyes meet across the windows.

“Our time,” I murmur, and we both just gaze across the space as thousands of memories plow into us.

I’m more certain than ever that I still love him. I’ve always known that, but spending time with him today has only proven it true.

I suddenly feel the exhaustion as it hits my body. Being pregnant is no joke—my body is working overtime and fatigue sets in when I least expect it. I yawn, and Tristan chuckles.

“Get some rest. Will you be around tomorrow?” he asks.

I nod. I have literally no plans, and the thought makes me feel a little hollow. I should really start applying for a job…or something. I need something to fill the time or I’ll go crazy. “Will you?”

“I’m heading to FRHS in the morning for a workout, and then I’m going into town to meet with a buddy. I’ll be around later in the day. I’m sure I’ll see you…and if not, there’s always nine fifty-seven.”

I can’t help a small smile at that. “I’ll be looking forward to it.”

He stands. “Me too. Goodnight, Tessa.”

“Night, Tristan,” I say, and we both close our windows at the same time. Our eyes meet as we latch the lock into place, and then I wave before I close my drapes.

I don’t want to close my drapes.

I want to sit on that windowsill all night and catch up. I want to hit all the topics we need to explore, but today was a good day. It was catching up. It was learning a few things while still holding back.

And it was only the first day. The first half-day, really.

Who knows what the rest of the off-season holds before it’s time for him to head back to Vegas?