Page 105

God damn , that was hot.

Her on her knees, her perfect tits bouncing with her movement, her mouth open and taking me all the way to the back of her throat as her eyes widened, the squirm as her body reacted to my words…these are images that will live rent-free in my brain for the rest of time.

“Are you okay?” I murmur, a little afraid I hurt her. I wipe the final remnants of my come off her chest, and I grab her shirt and bra from the floor, setting them on the bed beside her.

Now comes my favorite part of the post-sex bliss: taking care of my girl.

She nods. “That was…whoa. It was hot, Tristan.”

I chuckle as I set the washcloth on the nightstand and hand her the cup of water. I sit beside her on the edge of the bed, gently running my fingertips along her thigh. She sits up a little to take a drink. “You did so good. You were so gorgeous on your knees taking me all the way in.”

I think for a beat I should tell her about the third floor of Coax. Maybe she’d understand, and it’s in the past anyway. I had the opportunity to go this past weekend, and I didn’t take it.

Maybe when she’s in Vegas with me, we can go together. Maybe we can be the couple in the viewing room doing what we just did for an audience, or maybe we can be voyeurs together and I can run my hand up her thigh as we sit on one of the black leather loveseats together watching.

As I press a kiss to her forehead, though, I realize it’s all wrong. We’re older now, sure, but that doesn’t mean she’s ready for all that. She’s sweet. I’d call her innocent, but the life growing inside her is proof she’s not. She’s not ready for the things she might see on the third floor, although the easy way she took direction along with the squirm that proved my words of praise turned her on tell me she might come around to it.

Her cheeks are flushed. “Thanks,” she murmurs.

“Did you like it?” I ask.

She nods. “It was…different. You’re usually so sweet, so tender, and even though this was more forceful, I knew I could trust you and you’d never do anything to hurt me. Somehow that understanding between us felt more intimate than normal sex.”

I chuckle. “Normal sex?”

“You know what I mean.” Her cheeks are still red, so I encourage her to take another sip of water.

She moves to put her bra and shirt back on, and I hand her each article as she needs it. I climb into the bed beside her.

“What was your favorite part?” I ask.

She shifts a little. “I feel weird talking about it,” she says.

“Why?”

She shrugs. “Probably because I grew up in a home where we didn’t talk about those types of things. Sex, intimacy…it was taboo. You didn’t talk about it.” She sighs. “And now we all know why. My father kept all sorts of topics off limits because he was scared we’d find out the truth about him.”

“With me, nothing’s off limits. Ever. You understand?”

She nods.

“If you liked something, or if you didn’t, or if you want me to try something, or if you don’t…it’s all on the table.” I reach over to take her hand in mine, and then I think better of it and tug on her so she’s lying on her side, her face near my neck on the pillow and her arm tossed across my torso.

“I liked when you had both hands on the back of my head and you were shoving yourself into me.” She says it in a mumble, her eyes down on my hand where I’m stroking her arm rather than on me—like there’s something dirty or wrong about admitting that.

“I liked that, too,” I say gently. “I liked how good you took it. I liked how I could feel the back of your throat with my cock, and I loved when you hummed a little while I was in your mouth. I don’t even think you knew you were doing it, but you were lost to the moment, and it was so damn hot.” I grab my dick over my shorts and readjust myself a bit. “I’m getting hard again just thinking about it.”

Her eyes lift to mine. “Really?”

“This is what you do to me.” I pull her hand over to feel for herself. “Only you, Tessa Taylor. It’s always been you, and I want you to get it out of your head right now that there was ever anybody else who even compared. I want you to get it out of your head that you’re just some project of mine to save. You’re not. And if you don’t believe me, I’ll punish you again and again.”

She squirms again. “Like you just did?”

I don’t miss the hope in her tone.

I shrug. “I can be very creative. And I’ll be honest with you, my love. This right here? This post-orgasm bliss where I can take care of you and make sure you enjoyed it, where we talk and you tell me whether I met your needs—mental and emotional to the best of my ability, and when it’s safe, physical as well—this is the piece of sex that’s most intimate to me. It’s the most important part to me. It’s the part where our souls connect instead of just our bodies.”

She sighs, and it’s a soft, sweet breeze of a sound, like she’s breathing in my words and holding them in her heart. “Were you like this with—” She stops herself short.

“With…” I ask, trailing off at the end of my sentence.

“With your ex-wife?”

I shake my head. “No.” I didn’t learn about aftercare until I joined Coax, and I was done having sex with my ex-wife by that point. Nothing about my connection with Savannah was ever this intimate, and certainly not in the post-orgasmic moments.

She nods. “Okay. Good.”

“Would it upset you if I had?”

She shrugs. “You said it’s the part where souls connect, and the thought of your soul connecting to hers like that leaves me feeling a certain way.”

“I’ve never connected with anyone the way I’ve connected with you,” I say. Even other women I’ve taken care of…my soul never latched onto theirs the way it does with Tessa. I don’t know how else to explain it, but it’s like we were two people destined for each other.

“Is there anything else you want to talk about?” I ask.

She opens her mouth to say something, and then she seems to think better of it and closes it. She shakes her head.

I think about asking if she’s sure, but whatever’s playing in her head will eventually come out of her mouth. I have a feeling she wants to know more about where I picked up my newfound skills, but I’m not ready to tell her about Coax yet…or ever.

“What about you?” she asks. “As hot as that was, I feel like there’s something on your mind.” Her eyes search mine, and it’s sort of incredible how connected we actually are—how well she knows me to know that I’m holding something back.

God, I love her.

“My dad’s cancer is back,” I say.

“Oh, Tristan,” she says softly, stroking my cheek gently. “How bad is it?”

I lift a shoulder. “It hasn’t metastasized, so that’s good. He said they’re operating next week to remove it.” I sigh. “It’s just…he just went under the knife, you know?” I swallow loudly to try to keep the emotions coursing through me at bay. “He just got rid of it, and the three-month check is when he’s supposed to be all clear.”

“I know,” she says softly, soothingly. “And we can pray that the next three-month check is all clear.”

I nod. “I’m not ready to lose him, Tess.” I just got Tessa back after losing her. I’m not ready to lose someone else so important to me, especially not when the loss of him would be permanent.

“You won’t.” Her tone is fierce as she presses her lips to my jawline. “Not yet. But you can be by his side and spend as much time as you can with him. You can help him through it. You can be strong for him, and when you come home to me, I will hold you in my arms while you break down.”

I lean down to kiss her lips. “Thank you,” I say softly. I blow out a breath, feeling a little spent after that conversation. I turn the tables on her. “Tell me about Chicago now.”

“I didn’t go to visit my friend,” she admits.

“I didn’t think you did.”

“Christine Foster, Cameron’s wife, found the papers your lawyer sent over. She came here to confront me.” Her tone is flat, and I can’t help but wonder how she feels about the whole thing.

“What did she say?” I ask, my brows pushed together in concern as I try to keep my own feelings out of this.

That’s my baby.

I know we don’t share blood, but I’ve already come to love her as if we do. I could never even imagine telling a woman to just get rid of a child the way he did to her.

Just the thought of it still causes rage to pulse through me, and the thought of him having any part of the baby’s life makes my stomach twist and bile rise in my throat.

He can’t. Not after the things he said to Tessa. He doesn’t deserve a single second.

“She told me they were going to sue for full custody.” She glances up and meets my eyes. “And then she tore up the paperwork from your lawyer on my front porch.”

I snap my fingers. “I found a scrap of paper by the shrubs when I was checking in with your mom to see if she’d heard from you.”

She nods, and she lifts a palm to my cheek. “I’m so sorry I worried you.”

“Let’s put it behind us,” I suggest. “I wish you wouldn’t have gone alone to Chicago. If you would’ve told me—”

She holds up a hand. “What? You would’ve gone for me? You would’ve talked to Cam yourself?” She shakes her head. “Thanks, Tristan, but I can handle my own problems. I know you just want to help, but if you’re constantly trying to jump in and save the day, you’re not letting me live my own life. And there has to be that give and take in any relationship, don’t you think?”

I lean over and press a kiss to her cheek. “You’re right.”

“I handled it anyway.” She tucks some hair behind her ear. “I confronted Cam this morning and he left a message with your lawyer to send another copy of the papers. He said he will sign them before his wife intercepts them this time, and he said he doesn’t want to get in my way. Our way.”

“I’m proud of you,” I say softly. “I know you can handle it. I know you don’t need me, but it’s still nice to feel needed. I still want to do what I can to help you.”

She reaches over and grabs my face in her palms. She presses a kiss to my lips. “You do. Every single day. You make me feel loved and appreciated and worshipped, and I hope I do the same for you.”

I kiss her, and I never want this moment to end. “You do. Only ever you.”

I feel the weight of those words. I lost my way with Savannah for a minute, but the truth is that it has only ever been her. I’ve looked. I’ve sampled. I even joined a damn sex club trying to find the sort of connection I had with Tessa, and I never found it until I found her again.

She lets out a soft sigh and then we kiss a long, slow, tender kiss that only strengthens the words we’ve said here today.