Page 55 of Vampires of Eden

It’s so fucking awkward. I want to do that thing ostriches do, when they stick their heads in the ground. Is that even an authentic ostrich behavior, or did I see it in a cartoon? How would they dig a hole the precise size and shape of their head, and for what purpose? I guess they do have massive talons.

Anyway, it would be more comfortable if all this went away and I could be my normal, closed-off, aloof and bitter self again.

“Thanks… for earlier,” Alexander says, breaking the silence. “For talking to me and giving your opinion.”

“You’re welcome.”

“And for the other day, too. At Kat and Roland’s house. Having these conversations with you has made me realize that Idon’t have anyone to talk to about Oliver, so I never express how I feel. It’s probably a pain in the ass for you and I’m sorry about that. But I appreciate it. I think it helps a lot.”

My face warms, but because I’m malnourished, I know there’s no color there to show for it. My nature and emotions never reveal anything outwardly anymore the way that they should. Except for things like sweat when I’m overexerted. Good for me. “It’s not a pain in the ass. You don’t talk to Raphael about him? The manservant-best-friend-brother?”

Alexander huffs in a laugh. “Are you going to call him that every time?”

“Probably. It amuses me.”

“Fine,” he says, smiling. “And no, I can’t talk to Raph about any of this because he hates Ollie. If I mention him in any capacity, we end up fighting and it makes me more exhausted.”

“Hate?” I repeat, genuinely surprised. “Hate is a strong word.”

Alexander shrugs. “He thinks we were poorly matched—even though I’m the one who chose him. So, really, it’s my fault. I don’t blame Oliver for anything. In the end, I wasn’t good enough. Well, I wasn’t…” He trails off and takes a breath. I wait, but he doesn’t go on.

“You saying, ‘I wasn’t good enough’ is incorrect,” I interject. “You weren’t right for each other, Alexander. That’s all.”

“I guess… but maybe I’m shit at relationships.”

“You’re allowed to grow,” I remind him. “And well, your cat doesn’t seem to have any complaints, right? I’m sure she’d give you a five-star rating as far as relationships go.”

He laughs, openly and warmly and it fills the space of the van. It makes my skin tingle and my heart beat louder in my ears.

God, karma, the universe, whoever—cruel. Fucking rude. How dare they send someone like this across my path? A vampire with the same wounds and insecurities—the same heartaches that I’ve been intentionally healing myself of for two years now. It’slike Alexander is a test and I’m not sure if I’m strong enough to take him on. If I’m emotionally mended enough to pass the exam.

The silence is comfortable as I pull into the long driveway to the cottage. Outside, the overcast sky has broken up to reveal patchwork splotches of blue. Here and there, the sun’s rays escape the clamor, pouring out over the landscape and mountains like heavenly spotlights on a stage.

“Today was fun,” Alexander says as I park. “I enjoy these market days.”

“They’re nice,” I admit. “When Leoni first asked me to do them, I didn’t want to. I was worried about how vampires would respond to me because of the way I look. But it’s been fine.” Alexander nods in understanding but doesn’t probe. I think I’ve given him an opening, but it falls flat.

I inhale deeply, then blow it out, deciding to take a chance because I’m an idiot. “Are you busy this evening?”

“I had plans—that’s why Raph called me. An event tonight got cancelled, so I’m off the hook. Why? Do you need help with something?”

“No, but… we can watch a show on the projector, if you’re interested? MaybeBuffyor a couple episodes ofDeep Space Nine? Have some popcorn?”

Swallowing rough, I shift to meet his gaze. He stares at me like he’s a calf at a new gate.

“You… want to hang out with me?” he asks, eyebrow raised.

“Um, I think I just made that clear with this invitation?”

“I’m sorry. I guess, I’m surprised? I always feel like you’re trying to avoid being around me.”

“Are you sure that it isn’t you who’s avoidingme?”

“Well,” he considers, scratching the back of his head. “I was at first. Absolutely. Since it’s obvious that you hate me?—”

“I’ve never said that I hated you. Can we stop casually throwing that word around?”

“Yeah but you’re always snapping,” he says. “And I can read aroom—body language, expressions and tone. Ollie was the same way. He didn’t like me either.”