Page 50 of Valor’s Flight (The New Protectorate #5)

Chapter Thirty-One

“I can’t,” she heard herself say.

Taevas’s strong, hawkish features went tight. “I know you’re scared. I know that I’m asking too much of you. But there’s no other option.”

She shook her head mutely. There was another option, but neither of them seemed willing to say it.

The tension in his body doubled. Gripping the edge of the counter with one huge hand, like he needed to anchor himself to something, Taevas tried a different tactic.

“You think I want to rip you away from all that you know? This brings me no joy, Shiya. I know how important this place is to you. I know how much it would mean to me in your place. But you can’t stay here.

Not anymore. Not while a threat circles us every day.

It’s days and days, Shiya. Do you think they’ll never come looking here?

When the rest of the woods turn up empty, when there’s only one place left to check, do you believe you can stop them? ”

Her pulse throbbed in her throat. Words escaped her. What could she say? He was right, but denial could survive on even the smallest scrap of hope. Maybe that dragon has nothing to do with anything. Maybe he really was just a tourist.

But even if that were true, which she could admit was unlikely, that didn’t mean he could stay.

That he wanted to. He had responsibilities to his people, his clan.

To even ask him to was so blindingly hypocritical that she couldn’t think the words.

Nymphs were all about the collective. They were about sacrificing for the whole. That’s what queens were for.

Perhaps it was a good thing the responsibility of being queen passed to her when there was no one around to see it. She would’ve made a terrible leader.

Taevas released the counter with a jerk, a soft curse on his lips. He came to her like a rolling storm cloud. She wanted to flinch away from his anger, his disapproval, but he wouldn’t let her.

Two huge purple hands held her head in place when he growled, “I hate this. I hate that I have to take from you again and again. I hate that I don’t have another option.

I hate that you have no way of knowing that I’ll be true to my word, my Shiya.

That I’ll return what you’ve given me one hundred fold. ”

He pressed their foreheads together. Angry breaths puffed against her cheeks.

“I could give you anything. I will. You’ll never have to worry about money again.

You’ll always be protected. You’ll be respected.

The ’Riik is safe for you. My clan will protect you.

I swear, Shiya, if you just take this one last risk on me, you won’t regret it. ”

A wild part of her, the part that was just a woman desperate to live, clawed inside her chest. She carved deep, bloody grooves into the cage of Alashiya’s ribs, one for each day she’d been trapped.

But she couldn’t only think of that girl. Alashiya had to think of everyone. Every ghost, every memory. She was all that was left, and if she stepped out of the little bubble of safety she’d crafted, the risk wasn’t just to her.

I wish that was the reason I can’t do it.

Shame made her skin crawl. There was honor in trying to protect the legacy she’d been left, even to its inevitable extinction, but there was none in the real source of her reluctance.

I’m scared.

She stepped away from Taevas, unable to stand the feeling of his hands on her skin. It was too stimulating. It was too good. It reminded her of her cowardice too much. Her chest was too tight. Her vision swam.

Leave? I can’t leave. It’s too dangerous. I have nothing out there. I am nothing out there.

“I don’t understand why you can’t— why you can’t just leave and come back,” she argued, voice trembling.

Defensive anger flared up from the burning coals in her stomach, stinging her with little sparks again and again.

“I can get a phone. We can talk. It doesn’t have to be what it was before.

You— you sound like you expect me to leave everything I know behind forever just because you say so. How is that fair?”

She couldn’t look at him. She just couldn’t. There was no doubt about what she’d find there.

“Shiya, you know. You have to know.”

She paced away, their breakfast abandoned. “What do I know?”

Taevas’s tone was utterly implacable when he answered, “That even if there was no threat, I couldn’t leave you here. I won’t. If I was another man, I would’ve already made this my roost — but I’m not and I can’t. I’m Isand, Shiya, and you’re mine. I’m sorry.”

The way he said those last two words sent goosebumps up and down her body. I’m sorry. It was the kind of apology an executioner would give someone under their sword. They might mean it, but it doesn’t change anything. They’ll still swing.

She stepped back toward the kitchen door. “What will you do if I say no?”

“Are you asking me to choose between you or the ’Riik? My clan?” The question was so soft, so damning.

“No,” she insisted, voice pitched high. Gods, she wanted to run so badly.

She wanted to clamp her hands over her ears and scream until everything returned to how it was before, when he was just Taevas and she was just Shiya.

“I would never do that. I can’t do that to you. I know what your responsibilities are—”

“And I know what I’m asking of you!”

Not that much. Not really. He was asking for her to take a chance, to believe that even if things went wrong, it wouldn’t be life or death. It might turn out okay. He was asking her to trust him before things went bad, because he knew better than her the odds that they would.

So why couldn’t she just say yes? It didn’t have to be permanent.

He hadn’t asked her to marry him or anything.

The way he spoke made it all sound so dramatic and like it was forever, but that would probably die away the minute the shine came off their fantasy.

Once they were in his world, they’d likely realize they had nothing in common save chemistry and coincidence.

Say yes. Jump, Shiya. See what happens.

She still couldn’t meet his gaze. Hands trembling, she reached for the door knob.

“Don’t.”

“We need coffee,” she muttered, turning away.

Taevas’s hands gripped her waist. He pressed himself against her back. Tension radiated from him in waves. “I don’t need fucking coffee. I need you.”

That hook in her chest gave a painful jerk backwards, pulling her into the safety of his arms. Alashiya’s shaking fingers splayed over his.

The thought of never being able to touch him again made that ugly panicked feeling that much stronger.

She couldn’t bear to leave Birchdale, but she couldn’t let go of him, either.

“Don’t run,” he whispered into her hair. “Don’t run from this, metsalill. Hide here if you have to, but don’t go where I can’t watch over you.”

“I don’t want you to go.” The words slipped out of their own accord, barely audible.

Taevas squeezed her waist. “And I can’t be without you. How do we negotiate this?”

“Negotiate?”

He spun her slowly, careful to never put too much space between their bodies as he turned her to face him. His tail coiled around her leg with an affectionate, possessive squeeze.

Something in his gaze was different when he looked at her then. It was intent, almost cool. Like he was looking at a wily opponent rather than her. “I’ve been treating you like you’re mine because you are, but I’ve neglected the other parts of you.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m Isand, but you’re a queen. We’re leaders. We do politics. We negotiate terms to make mutually beneficial arrangements. I need you and I need to get to the ’Riik. You need me and don’t want to leave. Now we have to negotiate to find a compromise.”

She sputtered. “I’m not a leader—”

“You are,” he firmly interrupted. “You are a natural leader, Alashiya, and even if you weren’t, you are by birth and by my Choice. So tell me your terms. What do you want?”

“I— I don’t want anything!”

Taevas breathed deeply. “Believe me, I know. But I’m not asking you as Shiya. I’m asking you as Alashiya, descendant of the first nymph and queen of this grove. I’m asking you as Isand, not as Taevas, your husband.”

“I…” She shook her head.

He didn’t show her any mercy. In that same cool, professional voice, he said, “Your people are leaderless in the UTA, Alashiya. I’ve seen them.

They haphazardly vote on a representative and send them to Congress every year, always a new one, never anyone who dares to speak up when it counts.

No one thinks of nymphs when laws are made.

They have no voice. If you could be that voice, what would you ask for?

You said to me that people see nymphs as easy pickings. What would change that?”

He’d always seemed grand to her. A little larger than life, even before she grasped who he really was.

But now he was something different. His expression, how he held his shoulders, the tone…

Taevas wasn’t humoring her. He wasn’t indulging in her whims to get what he wanted.

He really, truly wanted to know — not as her lover, but as a leader.

The sense of power it gave her was dizzying. Too much. Queasiness made her stomach turn.

“I don’t know. I need to… I need to think about it.”

“Then think. Come back to me with your terms.” The mask of the Isand cracked a little, revealing the softness underneath. It gleamed in his violet eyes when he leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead.

“Would you really give me anything I asked for?”

His expression took on a strange, almost wry cast. “As my queen, I’m required to negotiate with you, purely on principle. But as mine, I’d give you far more than you could ever ask of me.”

“What if this doesn’t last?” The words came out of her all mangled and mashed up, like her vocal cords did their best to reject the very concept. Somehow they made it out, though she wasn’t sure it was a good thing. The moment they hit the air, everything went very still.

Taevas took his time answering her. “Is that what you’re afraid of, metsalill? That when we leave this place, I’ll forget about you?”

She looked away, too exposed by the questions. “I just meant that if— There’s a chance we won’t— I have to know if your promises will hold if it turns out we’re not…”

Gods, I really can’t even string the sentence together. That hook in her chest, the bright, hot feeling in her blood — it wouldn’t allow it.

“I owe you a life debt. If it wasn’t for you, I would’ve been found and probably executed.

I’ll be indebted to you for the rest of my life, no matter what happens between us.

The entire Draakonriik, every dragon under my command, my clan — all of them are in your debt, Alashiya.

You don’t know what that means yet, but you will. ”

If I could ask a leader of the UTA for anything for us, what would it be?

She thought that Taevas must be a bit of a liar, because a natural leader might’ve thought of it already.

They probably would’ve considered how to angle their advantage, the favors they’d be owed by him for what they’d done.

They wouldn’t have tried their damnedest to chase him out of their house whenever the opportunity arose.

But the thought was there now, a seed planted in fertile soil. She could already feel the roots unfurling. Soon enough it’d grow into something real, something she could do, and then all her excuses about why she couldn’t leave would mean nothing.

Nausea bubbled in her stomach, but for the first time, a little bit of excitement came with it. She couldn’t dwell on that too long, afraid that even acknowledging that she might want to go would scare away what tiny amount of courage came with it.

Hands shaking for a different reason, she stepped out of his hold and moved to scoop up her basket from where it sat by the door.

“Shiya? Where are you going?”

“To pick some plums,” she answered, swallowing hard. “I’m going to need them if I want any chance of Debbie saying yes.”

Taevas followed her step for step. His big body hovered just behind her as she opened the kitchen door and jogged over the creaky porch and down the steps into the garden. “What are you going to ask Debbie for? Shiya—”

Standing barefoot in the cool, damp soil, she turned to peer at him from over her shoulder, one hand lifted to shade her eyes from the morning glare.

He stood on the top step of the porch, his expression pinched with worry.

He looked like he was bracing for something.

It was a good feeling, knowing that she wasn’t about to disappoint him again. For now.

“Her car,” she answered. “I need something to trade.”

He drew himself up instantly. In a deep, thick voice, he said, “Naine, is that a yes?”

She turned back to the garden. “It’s the start of our negotiations.”