Page 49 of Unwritten Vows

I lick my lips, somehow feeling attracted to a man who is barely able to move right now.

Before I can say something completely inappropriate, the guard comes back with my requested items, along with some Icy Hot cream that I can only guess is my father’s, and sits them next to the mattress on a bedside table he pulls from the far corner of the room.

Derrick takes the Ibuprofen, somehow moving through his pain to grab it himself, while I wrap a few pieces of ice into a rag and submerge it in the freezing water.

“This is not going to feel great at first, but it should numb you after—”

“Liza, can you please not explain to me how frozen compresses work while you’re nursing me back to health at the weakest I’ve ever been? Because this has already been an incredibly embarrassing few days.”

I snap my mouth shut and nod my head. “Yes, of course.”

I brace myself for his reaction and drag the rag gently over his shoulder.

My worry is for nothing, however, as he barely reacts with just a heavy exhale and a flare of his nostrils.

He’s stopped shaking now and simply grits his teeth together, shutting his eyes as he inhales.

“Leave that one there and grab one for the other shoulder, if you don’t mind. ”

I nod and do the same to the other side of his chest. He takes the pain—every ounce of it—with nothing but a flicker of a wince in his eyes. I know it hurts, though, and I’m not sure the conversation I have planned will be a welcome distraction from the pain, or a compounding factor to it.

Still, I begin. “You said you loved me.”

His eyes blink open and he stares for a moment, before his face goes soft with realization. “You spoke to your father.” There’s worry in his voice.

“I did. But I’m not so sure either of us believe you.

” I smile sadly. “You said it was just me, Derrick. You skulked around behind our backs, scheming with your father and—and a man who shot at me. Even when your father pressured you to marry Edoardo’s daughter while you were engaged to me, you still kept it from us. How could you do that?”

He closes his eyes again at first for his inhale and then faces me with them open for his exhale.

“Because I didn’t want to put you in more danger.

My father was cutthroat. Edoardo is a monster.

When they told me there wouldn’t be any more shots at you if I complied…

what was I supposed to do? Especially since…

” he looks down now, unable to maintain eye contact. “Since I do. Love you.”

I pull his boxers down slightly to reveal the area where his pelvic bone meets his thigh, and I place the rag.

I’m sure it feels like a boulder of ice to him, but it barely seems to register over whatever hurt he’s feeling from our conversation.

His face stays unchanged, just a slight tremor in his breathing once I push down.

“You could have told me ,” I say, feeling tears begin to obstruct my vision. “If you loved me, you could have at least clued me in, instead of hanging me by a thread.” A tear plops onto his naked leg, and I wipe it away in frustration.

“Maybe I should have,” he sighs out. “Maybe I should have trusted that you wouldn’t sell me out. But… wouldn’t you have told your father?” I go to reply hastily, but he looks at me now with his own sad smile. “Be honest with me and yourself.”

I think that through for a moment. My father is all I’ve had in this world before Derrick, since my mother died when I was young.

If I wondered whether we were in trouble, would I have spoken to my father?

Would I have talked to him, hoping that he could make things better and solve this problem for me, just like he had solved so many before? Maybe. Probably.

I bite my lip and look up at him miserably. He knows he’s right.

“What would have happened then, Liza? Do you know? Because I can tell you.” I cry harder now, but stay quiet.

“This. This would have happened. Your father would have tortured me for information. But had I been successful in what I was trying to do, which was to persuade my father to ally with your family, we could have married quickly and… and we would have gotten everything we wanted.”

I can’t control my cries now and feel his hands sliding softly over my arm. “Sweet Liza, please don’t cry. We did everything we could, okay?”

I shake my head. There must be something more.

There must be something else I’m missing.

But as I think through all of the possibilities, everything I can possibly do to get my father to trust Derrick again, I come up short.

There’s simply nothing that would change his mind.

Because unfortunately, he’s correct in his worries.

And so is Derrick. “How can everyone be right but still lose?” I sob, feeling like the cries are starting to spiral out of control.

Then I feel him moving. I rub the tears from my eyes as he sits up, grunting all the way, and go to push him back down.

But I realize as I press my hand flat onto his chest that I might just hurt him more if I attempt to push him, so I drop my hand, letting out one more ugly sob and a fresh round of tears.

He puts his arms around me, pulling me to him as hard as he dares in his condition, and I feel his naked skin. I push my flushed face against it, crying into his cold chest, but feeling warmer than I ever have.

That warmth will be gone all too soon.