Page 30

Tina

“H e didn’t,” Rosa says after I finish telling her about my deal with Dustin.

“He most certainly did.”

She zeroes in on the bright side. “But you’ll be debt-free, right? Not to mention a sex deal with one of the hottest bachelors in town isn’t such a hardship.”

“No one said it was a sex deal,” I point out.

When she’s done laughing, she asks, “What’s it like living in Denialville?”

The oven timer dings, saving me from answering. With an oven mitt on my hand, I slide the cookie sheet from the rack and set the pan on the stove to cool. I’ve gained ten pounds with the amount of stress baking I’ve been doing lately. Although, if things keep going like our sexting last night, I’ll burn off the calories in no time.

It’s my last day staying in Dustin’s house before I head back to Vegas, and I’m torn between sadness over leaving Gramps behind—even though he’s on the mend and well cared for—and excitement about this deal with Dustin.

“What is it with men, anyway?” she wonders. “They think they have all the power.”

“In my case, Dustin sort of does.” I wander to the front of the house, peeking out the window out of habit. I’m not surprised when I find the black truck in its usual spot. I’m tempted to bring them cookies just to see the shock on their face at being made.

I return to the kitchen just in time to catch Rosa sneaking a fresh-out-of-the-oven cookie. “Oh, shit, that’s hot.” She waves a hand in front of her open mouth, the cookie nearly falling to the floor as she jumps up and down.

“That’s what you get for stealing.”

She guzzles milk from the carton and then grabs her car keys. “You ready?”

The magazines on the table in the doctor’s waiting room are dated before the year 2000, with baby models on the covers probably old enough to have babies of their own by now.

Rosa eases into a chair next to me. Her white jeans mold to her muscles, long and lean from all the jiu-jitsu and the rock climbing she’s been doing. I inhale her sweet jasmine scent and stare at her flawless skin.

Noticing me staring, she raises a brow. “What?”

“You look filtered.”

She laughs, nudging me. “You’re weird.”

I’ve always been a nervous talker and now is no different. I lean close, touching her cheek. “What do you do, some bird poop treatment?”

She examines my eyes. “Are you high?”

I shake my head. “I’ve never touched the stuff. I read somewhere they take nightingale droppings and ground it into a powder to make some special paste.”

Pressing one of her hands to my bouncing leg, she nods like she’s solved a mystery. “You’re very nervous.”

“What’s the story behind all the white clothes?” I ask, ignoring her accurate assessment.

She smiles, humoring me. “So much in my life before was dirty,” she says. “The town. The place where Raul and I lived. The people. I like the clean feel of white. You’re doing the right thing, you know?”

She’s right, of course. It’s smart to be proactive. “I’ve never been on birth control,” I admit.

“Same. Do you think someday you’ll want kids?”

It’s a normal question considering where we are and what we’re about to do, but it hits a raw nerve. My palms begin to sweat, and I rub them on my linen pants. The reason I love the fabric so much is because imperfections are acceptable. Expected. I fixate on a certain stubborn area, telling myself what happened to me is just a wrinkle in my fabric. But no matter how many times I run my hand over the spot on my leg, the sharp crease remains.

The waiting room walls begin to close in on me. The pressure in my chest builds and it feels like I’m trying to breathe through a straw. I stumble from my seat and rush out of the office.

At Rosa’s insistence, we stop and buy some edibles from a dispensary in Heaven’s Old Town. I’m not sure what I expected, but when we enter the shop it’s clean and bright, much like an apothecary, with jars lining shelves. A young man greets Rosa by name and my head jerks in her direction.

She shrugs. “I didn’t say I never touched the stuff.”

Outside, we find a shaded bench. She tears a gummie in half, handing one to me before popping what’s left into her mouth followed by a whole one. Mine tastes like peaches. Rosa people-watches, giving me time to collect my thoughts. After a bit, they drift to Dustin. I wonder what he’d think of his goody-two-shoes getting high? I giggle and giggle some more. Oh. Smiling, Rosa reaches for my hand. The connection grounds me, making it easier to confess what’s on my mind.

“He didn’t want me.” It feels good to finally admit it out loud. Even though there are plenty of people to watch, I don’t see any of them, not clearly—not through the memories of all the dates with Connor ending as a group outing. Or all the parties where we mingled more than made out. The family gatherings where I was more like a buddy than a girlfriend. Looking back, I knew something was off, but it took those pictures on social media for me to truly see it.

I remember how badly I wanted what I heard the other girls gossip about. I used to wish he’d kiss me like he couldn’t wait to taste me. Reach for me like he’d die if he couldn’t touch my skin. Gramps always said to be careful what you wish for, and he was right because when Connor and I dared to do those things it was the best and worst time of my life.

“Who?” she asks. “Dustin?”

I shake my head. “No. Connor.”

I try to sum up my relationship with him, in what little time we have, including the baby. “There was always something missing.” I meet her gaze, admitting something else I’ve never said out loud. “I feel stupid for trying so hard to make something out of nothing. I just wish I knew the truth.”

“And the only person who can tell you is gone.”

I’m so relieved she understands, I crush her in a hug before sitting back again. “This thing between me and Dustin is messed up, but it’s the closest I’ve come to feeling true desire from someone.”

“Cheers to desire in all its forms.” She raises her fist and I bump it with mine. Something catches her eye, and she straightens. “Hey, isn’t that the truck you said has been following you?”

I whip my head around so fast my neck kinks. “Ow, shit.” I massage the painful pinch with my palm while I scan the street. Sure enough, the truck is about ten cars back. I’m just high enough to wave like they’re old friends. The engine purrs to life and they make an illegal U-turn, driving away.

Gramps is on the front lawn of the assisted living home doing yoga with a bunch of women when I arrive. I observe unnoticed for a few minutes. The worry eases at seeing him so happy.

He waves me over when he spots me, meeting me halfway. “You look tired.”

Rosa and I sat on that bench for another hour before we admitted neither of us were in any condition to drive. Lucky for us, Raul and Ben found us and drove us home.

After a nap, I felt like myself enough to come say goodbye to Gramps. Apparently, my red eyes lingered. “You look happy.” I gesture to all the ladies behind him in varying stretching positions.

“Well, I haven’t had this much female attention since your gram passed.” He rubs a hand on the back of his neck, an honest-to-God blush coloring his wrinkled cheeks. “It’s not a bad way to go.”

“Gramps!” I say, laughing.

He steers me farther away from the group and we sit on a shady bench. “How are you?”

“I’m okay. I feel better seeing you.”

He pats my knee. “I keep telling you you worry about me too much. How’d the move go?”

If I thought selling the house would upset him, I was wrong. Once he found out Dustin let me stay at his place, he seemed at peace. “Yeah, I donated anything that didn’t sell. Still waiting on a buyer, though.”

“It’ll all work out,” he says, patting my hand. “How are things going with Dustin?”

I tilt my head. “With work, you mean?”

“Yes. Yes. That’s what I meant.”

I spend the next few minutes talking about work. He seems concerned about me traveling alone until I assure him Dustin promised to pick me up at the airport. I stand firm on my decision not to tell him how dire our financial situation is. I hate to think how much worse his health would be if he had our debt on his plate too. Telling him about Aldo this late in the game seems unnecessary, so I keep it all to myself.

Hopefully, Dustin will prove to be true to his word.