Page 10

Dustin

E verything I told myself on the plane about not wanting to talk about our past went out the window, the second she showed signs of being jealous. A person doesn’t do that if they don’t care, right? But if she does, why did she ghost me? It never made sense to me, how we went from being closer than two people could be to…nothing. I hesitate mid crawl. The better question is, am I ready for the answer to those questions?

But what if we fix us? What if I can have her the way I’ve dreamed, writhing on this bed with every one of her new mouthwatering curves under me, over me? Beside me forever this time.

In the eternity it takes me to reach her side of the bed, I waffle back and forth so much I’m dizzy with indecision. I’m standing in front of her now, so close I can feel each one of her puffs of breaths. She’s trembling, ringing her hands together and her gaze darts around the room like she’s looking for an escape.

Half terrified and half exhilarated, I open my mouth just as her phone chimes on the nightstand, drawing our attention. The screen lights up and it’s like a slap in the face, because staring back at me is a picture of Tina and Connor taken during the party the night before he died. The night everything changed.

I turn and walk out.

What the fuck just happened? A moment of weakness, that’s all it was. I thump my forehead on the wall of the elevator a few times, trying to knock some sense into myself. But I saw something unexpected in her eyes back in that room, didn’t I? A glimmer of wanting, mirroring my own.

I pull my phone out of my joggers and text Colin.

ME: I can’t do it.

COLIN: I haven’t experienced this firsthand, but I hear it’s not unheard of to have problems in that area at our age.

I can picture him laughing at his own joke and it makes me smile.

ME: Fuck off.

COLIN: Seriously, why can’t you? I don’t get what the problem is.

He wouldn’t. He’s been with Stacy since high school. Everything has always been rosy with them. He never had to doubt her feelings. Never had a nasty past between them.

ME: Ignore me. I just need a drink or ten.

The elevator slides open four floors before the lobby, where I’m headed, and a group of middle-aged women enter. They crowd inside, circling me. The door closes again, and I’m trapped in a ring of skin and glitter. Their perfume fills the metal box like a gas chamber. How long can I hold my breath before passing out?

A vision of them pouncing on my prone body like starving cougars makes me smile. “Hello, ladies.”

Thirty minutes later I’m sitting in one of the hotel’s bars and I’ve poured my heart out to the elevator women like a pathetic loser.

“You should move on,” one of them says, patting my arm and giving it an appreciative squeeze before removing it with a sheepish grin.

“What?” This outraged response comes from Patsy. She’s been on Team Dustina from the get-go. Clearly the most romantic of the group. “No way. He just needs to keep wooing her.”

Wooing? Jesus.

This suggestion garners a nod from Grace, who’s a Tina sympathizer as well. “She sounds interested, love. Be patient.”

“Patient?” says Trixie with an unladylike snort. She’s a love ’em and leave ’em player if I ever saw one, leaving all kinds of broken hearts in her wake. “Did you not hear him say it’s been ten years?”

This earns her a glare from Grace. “She’s young and still confused about her dead boyfriend. Those things take time.”

I push my chair back and throw enough cash on the table to cover the tab. I’m done being a whiny pussy. “I’m out, ladies.” I smile to soften my abrupt departure. “Thanks for the shoulders. Try to stay out of trouble.”

It takes another ten minutes for them to all hug me and give me enough cents to fill Fort Knox. I make pit stops at the gift shop and one of the all-night restaurants before ascending to my idea of heaven and hell.

As soon as I open the door to our room, I’m blown away by the fresh citrus scent of my worst and best memories. It’s like someone planted an orchard while I was gone. It’s funny how something so simple can so easily plunge you into depths where you thought all your pain was buried for good.

There’s steam in the air, telling me Tina showered not that long ago. I expected to find her bundled with covers to her chin, feigning sleep, but instead, she’s sitting against the headboard watching the most recent Bond movie. I think about ruining the ending for her, but I’ve been an asshole enough for one day.

She doesn’t look away from the screen when I come further into the room. Still peeved, then. I’m not sure what it says about me that I like her pissed off. She was always such a doormat back when we were kids. It drove me nuts. Just once, I wished she’d told Connor to shove it. Man, he was a douche sometimes, leaving me to pick up the pieces more than half the time. He treated her like a buffer between everyone and his truth and made me his accomplice.

How’d it work out for us, buddy? You’re dead and I’m stuck in this fucking limbo. A better question is, why am I still keeping secrets? Why do I care about Tina’s feelings ten years after the fact when she obviously didn’t think twice about me, like Connor dying killed everything we shared?

Tina’s cute little nose wrinkles, no doubt smelling the aftermath of me spending time with my support group. Hell, even I can barely stand the stench of all their perfume combined with the sweet scent of alcohol.

I toss the bags I brought with me in her lap and head for the shower.