Page 13

Xander

“ C ome on in,” I hear Ruin say as I knock on her office door.

Inside, the room smells faintly of lavender and something warm—maybe toast. On the coffee table between the couch and the rocking chair sits a tray loaded with healthy snacks: tuna sandwiches, cucumbers, carrots, peppers, grapes, strawberries, Greek yogurt, and granola.

“Wow. What’s all this?” I ask, rubbing my palms on my thighs as I take a seat on the couch.

“It’s snack time,” she says, setting her cup down on a side table.

“I need to eat and drink often so I can keep up the milk supply my babies need.” She chuckles softly, her green eyes brightening at the mention of her children.

“And instead of eating by myself and looking like a total brat, I’d rather share. ”

She rises and walks to the mini fridge by the door. “Would you like water, tea, or juice?”

“Water is fine. Thank you,” I say, loading up my plate.

Just then, I notice a dog bed tucked in the corner by the fridge. A smile tugs my lips at the sight of a very big, very fluffy husky sound asleep.

Ruin smiles when she follows my gaze. “That’s Cobalt. He’s a big softy and loves hanging out in my office when I have patients.”

As soon as he hears his name, he raises his head. When he sees me, he trots over to me and settles between my legs.

I pass my hand over his fluffy fur, and he rubs his head against my knee in appreciation.

“Who’s a good boy? Huh? Huh?”

I sit back on the couch, feeling at ease and ready for this session. “He’s a beautiful dog.”

Ruin’s face transforms with pride. “Yes, he’s the best dog ever. My husband got him for me when I was still working on recovering my memories, and he’s been such a great companion. He doesn’t leave the babies’ side when we’re home.”

She settles back into her chair, sips her tea once more, and sets it aside. Then she grabs a notepad and pen, shifts in her seat, and fixes her gaze on me.

“Are you ready to begin?”

I nod, chewing a huge bite of my sandwich.

“Great. Today, I think we should tackle what I believe is the root of your insecurities.”

I raise an eyebrow. We’ve only spoken once, but I don’t remember saying anything about insecurities.

“I usually read and reread the notes I take during a session,” she explains, “just in case I missed something. With you, it was very clear from the first moment we spoke—your need to live up to your family’s legacy is feeding your self-doubt.”

She looks at me, not a hint of judgment or pity in her expression.

“Well, yeah. I want to make my family proud,” I say, hearing the defensive edge in my voice.

Luckily, Ruin doesn’t think anything of it and just smiles.

“Of course. You’re part of a close-knit family, and you want to contribute to its story. In this case, honoring your grandfather by matching his accomplishments in a sport that means so much to both of you.”

I nod. She’s right. I don’t want to be just Randy Wozniak’s grandkid. I want to be Xander González—Cup champion, respected athlete. Not just another nepo baby .

“Is this something you’ve talked about with your grandfather?”

I immediately shake my head, releasing a deep breath. Here we go.

“I have a great relationship with my parents. Being their only kid made us very tight. There’s nothing I couldn’t bring to them growing up. Even if sometimes we didn’t see eye to eye, they always listened and respected my opinions.”

“That’s wonderful,” she says, taking a few notes. “Have you ever talked to them about his pressure?”

“Yes and no.” I chuckle, tugging lightly at the back of my neck. “My dad knows. He played baseball, not hockey, but he gets it. Apparently, Gramps had a hard time when Mom started dating a guy who couldn’t skate and was from another country. He worried Dad would sweep her off her feet.”

I shake my head. It sounds so silly to me now, but I’m sure things looked different forty years ago.

“And what did your dad tell you?” Ruin asks, still watching me closely.

I lean back, closing my eyes.

“He said to talk to Gramps.” I pause, then add, “But I didn’t.”

I know I’m drowning in a glass of water. I know Gramps would understand if I never won the Cup. “What’s on your mind right now, Xander?” Ruin asks gently.

“I’m afraid of failing. I don’t want to disappoint myself,” I say without thinking. “Yes, I want to honor my family, but I also want to prove something to myself. That I’m good enough.”

I exhale, and somehow, I feel lighter.

Ruin is grinning like the Cheshire Cat. “There you go. That wasn’t so hard, right? I find this behavior to be common in a lot of athletes.”

She pops a cucumber slice into her mouth and keeps going. I’m hanging on every word.

“Competitive by nature. Driven by routine. Constant goal setting. It gives them purpose.”

She’s right on the money. Again.

“The thing is, Xander, just because we make plans and set goals doesn’t necessarily mean we’re going to achieve them when—or how—we expect.

Some people take a straight path. Others go through winding or unpaved roads.

Some realize along the way that their original goal isn’t achievable anymore and need to pivot. ”

She pauses, letting that sink in.

“So what are you saying? I need to rethink my goals?” I ask. There’s a hint of panic in my voice.

“That’s something only you can decide,” she says. “All I’m saying is that it’s okay if it takes you longer to become a champion. Or if, eventually, you decide you want to focus your energy on something else.”

She smiles again, calm and reassuring. “There’s no right or wrong answer here. You have to do what makes you happy.”

I let out a breath. For the first time in a while, the path ahead doesn’t feel so foggy.

An alarm blares. Ruin hurries to silence it.

“Our time is up for today, but I really want you to think about what your goals are now. Because being an athlete at twenty-four is very different from being one at thirty-four.”

She arches a brow playfully.

“You’re your own worst critic, aren’t you?” she adds out of the blue.

I laugh. Deep, real. I feel myself sinking into the couch, the laughter turning to tears before I even realize it.

“You got me there, Ruin,” I say, sitting upright. “I needed that.”

I wipe my cheeks, then rise. “Thanks for helping me see I’m standing in my own way.”

I’m the one who created the narrative in my head about letting my family down. Gramps has never mentioned anything about it. Maybe it’s time I called him.

I reach for the door when Ruin calls out.

“Hey, Xander.”

I turn.

“Thanks for being good to Rain,” she says, her smile warm and sincere.

I knew it was only a matter of time before she found out what happened between Rain and me. Still, hearing her say that makes my cheeks flush .

“It’s not a hardship,” I reply, grinning. “I’m a total goner for her.”

“Good. Can’t wait to see you two around,” she says with a small wave.

I close the door behind me and head to my room before I meet Dylan for physical therapy.

Talking about feelings is no joke. I’m exhausted.

I lie back, ready for a nap, when my phone vibrates. My heart skips a beat. I hope it’s a message from Rain. I haven’t talked to her today.

But it’s Matt.

Matt : Hey, bro. I haven’t heard from you since you left. How are things going? When are you coming back? We should hang before the season starts again.

I sigh. I’d love a nap, but staying connected matters now, especially with the new direction I’m headed in.

Xander : Hey man. Yeah, I know. I’ve been busy. The facilities are amazing. Believe it or not, I’m falling in love with this place.

Matt : Hmmm. With the place? Or someone in it ?

Classic Matt. We’re the same age, but he’s been married to his high school sweetheart for almost fifteen years. If there’s anyone I can confide in about Rain, it’s him.

Xander : Her name is Rain.

Matt : Unique name. I like it. What does she do? Xander : She’s a chef and manages her family diner.

Matt : So the chances of her moving to Raleigh are slim?

Xander : We just met. I haven’t proposed or anything.

Matt : LOL, that’s fair. But she must be something else to have you loving a town in the middle of nowhere this fast.

Xander : That she is. You know when you meet someone who makes you feel things you can’t even put into words? It’s all-consuming and overpowering.

Matt : Yeah, I’ve felt that way for twenty years now .

I smile. When I picture my future, Rain is in every version of it.

Matt : So are you guys coming to Raleigh soon? Trin and I would love to meet her.

Xander : My treatment ends in mid-July, then I want to go visit my parents. Maybe I can ask her if she wants to check out my place in Raleigh before the season starts.

Matt : Sounds good, man. Keep me posted.

Xander : Thanks for keeping tabs on me. I know I’ve been distant.

Matt : Don’t sweat it. Just focus on getting better. That third line needs you.

Xander : Asshole! You’re as old as I am.

Matt : That might be true, but I’m a defenseman. I don’t need the speed, you do. In all seriousness, get better, and enjoy these first weeks with your girl. Young love is magical.

Xander : Thanks, man. Talk soon .

I set the phone down. One hour left before PT.

Enough time to call Mom and Dad.

“Sweetheart!” Mom exclaims as she answers the video call. “Sam, hurry. It’s Xander.” I hear footsteps approaching, and she turns the phone as Dad walks into the kitchen.

“Hijo, so good to see you,” he says as he settles next to her.

“So, how’s it going?” Mom asks hesitantly.

I let out a heavy sigh. I’ve pushed them away since the injury. Seeing their faces, full of worry and curiosity, makes me feel one thousand times more guilty than I did two minutes ago.

“It’s actually going pretty well,” I say, rubbing my collarbone. “Jordan gave me the talk and convinced me to go to a rehab place.”

They glance at each other, wide-eyed, and I chuckle.

“Not that kind of rehab. It’s a place that takes a holistic approach. They offer both physical and psychological therapy. Plus, they have one of the best sports medicine doctors in the country here on site.”

Dad nods, and Mom keeps her gaze trained on me.

“That’s good, Xander. But how are you feeling ?” she asks.

“I’ve been here only a couple of days, but I’m pleasantly surprised by how easily I’ve fallen into the routine they've set up for me.” A smile spreads across my lips as an image of Rain pops into my head.

“Ha! I know that smile. Who is she?” Dad asks in a teasing tone.

“I don’t want to say no one, because I’d be lying. But I just met her, Dad. There’s not much to tell.”

“If you haven’t known her for long and she’s already putting that kind of smile on your face, I’d argue she’s actually someone, ” he says, more seriously this time. “And if things continue to go well, we’d love to meet her.”

“Oh, yes, we’d love that,” Mom adds quickly. “Perhaps, we could come visit you. Where did you say this treatment center was?”

I shake my head at her subtle fishing. “It’s in North Carolina. A small town in the mountains.”

Dad puts on his glasses and starts looking something up on his phone.

“Don’t worry. I’m hoping to visit you before preseason starts.”

Mom’s eyes light up with delight. “That’s the best news I’ve had all year.” Her eyes well with emotion as Dad pulls her close.

“You know, we can pack and go without much notice,” he says. “So if you change your mind or can’t make it, let us know. We’d be happy to come to you.”

I nod, then glance at the time. Only a few minutes before physical therapy.

“I need to get going, but I wanted to ask about Gramps. Is he around?”

Mom shakes her head with a smile. “He’s at bridge club today. He usually doesn’t come back until after dinner.”

My eyes widen. “Wow. Who would’ve thought Gramps has such a busy social life?”

We all laugh. After saying goodbye and promising to call more often, I hang up.

With a smile on my face, feeling light after talking to my folks, I grab an energy drink from my mini fridge and head to the gym.

Time to work toward my goals.