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Rain

T he weekend flew by.

Xander and I ended up spending the night at the campsite, eating s’mores and stargazing whenever we came up for air. I’ve never kissed someone so much. It felt too good—too right—and I’m scared to think about falling for him. It’s just not something I can put my heart through.

His life is fast and full—work trips, brand sponsorships, galas.

Mine is here, in Azalea Creek, where nothing ever really happens.

What if I fall for him, but he forgets about me once he’s back in Raleigh?

What if we both fall madly in love, and I have to move away from my family? I don’t think I’ll ever be able to.

What if I uproot my life for him and he ends up hurting me?

There are too many what-ifs, and our time together is short. I just need to focus on enjoying the moment and worry about the future later.

I’ve been ignoring everyone’s texts. I’m not ready to tell them about Xander.

It’s still very new. I’m not even sure I know what’s going on between us.

All I know is, when I’m with him, I feel peace. No nightmares, no dark thoughts. Just peace.

Maybe it’s because he doesn’t know my past.

Or maybe he’s just different.

Only time will tell.

Even though I’m not ready to tell my family, I still feel the need to speak with someone.

Without thinking much about it, I fire off a text to my sister.

Rain : Hey Ruru. I have a question for you.

Ruin : Okay…

Rain : Do you have a therapist you can recommend?

Ruin : Sure, you can see Savannah here at Serene Lookout.

Rain : Hmmm, I don’t think I want something so close to home.

Ruin : You can have online sessions if you don’t want to come in.

Is that a thing? I guess that would work.

Rain : Sounds good, I’ll call to set up an appointment.

Ruin : Proud of you, sis.

Ruin : By the way, I’m glad to know you’re safe and sound. I’m sure you’ve seen the family chat blowing up.

Rain : LOL yes. I haven’t read the messages though. Talk soon. Love you!

Ruin : Love you too!

“Rain, how are you?” Savannah smiles through the screen, and I give her a small wave.

“I’m good. Thank you so much for squeezing me into your schedule.”

She waves me off. “We don’t have many patients at the moment, so it wasn’t difficult.

” She pauses, adjusting her glasses. I see her reach for a notepad, then she looks back at me.

“Before we start, I just want to say that everything you share with me is strictly confidential. Nothing leaves this space.”

Ruin told me she was a professional, but hearing it from Savannah’s lips brings a wave of relief.

“Thank you. It’s not that I don’t trust my sister. It’s just that some things are private.”

“No need to explain,” she says, her face calm and unreadable.

“Alright,” I shift in my seat. “I’m just going to let it all out.”

Savannah gives a small nod to let me know she’s listening.

I inhale deeply, then exhale. My fingers tremble as I take a big gulp of water. I’ve never said this out loud to anyone .

“Ten years ago, I was sexually assaulted by my then-boyfriend.” I pause, trying to push those horrible memories away. “I never told anyone. Only one of my siblings knows, because they saw him trying to dump me at our farm gate.”

Savannah jots something down, so I keep going.

“Ever since that incident, I’ve never felt comfortable enough with a guy. Not emotionally, not physically.” I pause, swallowing hard. “The few times I’ve tried to have a relationship, I’ve never been able to share about my past, so things get awkward because I can’t be intimate.

I take a breath, a nervous smile tugging at the corner of my mouth. “What I’m going to say next might sound a little crazy… but I met this guy, and it’s been so easy to spend time with him.”

A small smile softens Savannah’s expression as she continues writing.

“We just met, so I have no business thinking about the future, but he makes me feel things I haven’t felt before.”

“Is there anything wrong with him?” she asks.

I frown, confused. “What do you mean?”

“I guess I’m wondering why you’re bringing him up if you’ve just met him.”

Tears well up, no matter how hard I try to stop them. “There’s nothing wrong with him,” I whisper. “It’s me. ”

“We had the most amazing first kiss. But right in the middle of it, while I was getting lost in him, my abuser came to my mind. I didn’t expect it. I didn’t want it.”

I close my eyes, remembering how I almost told Xander under the waterfalls—the real reason I couldn’t hook up with him. It wasn’t just nerves or timing. It was because I was assaulted, and since then, I haven’t been able to be with anyone. Not fully. Not without fear.

“Do you think the kiss brought up the memories?” Savannah asks. “Has this ever happened before?”

I shake my head, willing my tears to stay put.

“What do you think triggered them, then?”

I exhale slowly, my voice barely above a whisper. “I wish I knew. Dennis, my ex, wasn’t always bad. At first, he was caring, sweet. Maybe my brain wanted to remind me that last time I trusted a guy…” My words trail off as I can’t contain my tears anymore.

“Rain,” Savannah says gently.

After a few beats, I look at her.

“The assault you were a victim of wasn’t your fault.”

She lets the words sit in the silence. No rush. Just space. And in that space, I start to believe her.

Deep down, I know she’s right. But the guilt and shame tied to that night have haunted me for so long, it’s hard to let them go .

“That is the first step toward healing, Rain,” she says. “You didn’t do anything to deserve what happened. He chose to hurt you. That’s on him, not you.”

I close my eyes again, letting her words settle deep in my heart and my head. Somehow, hearing them from someone else gives them more weight. More truth.

“You don’t know what this new guy’s intentions are yet, and that’s okay,” she adds. “As you said, it’s still early. But if your body and your heart are responding to him in a way they haven’t with anyone else, perhaps that’s worth exploring.”

I nod slowly, a crooked smile tugging on my lips.

“Next time, we’ll talk about red flags. What to look out for as you spend more time with this new guy.”

My smile stretches wider, blooming into a full grin as I picture Xander’s face.

I can’t wait to see him again.