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Chapter Twenty-One

MURPH

I want to lose myself in the afterglow as the two of us dig into our mystery breakfast. It’s some kind of fluffy, fried pastry with maple syrup, powdered sugar, whipped cream, and strawberries.

Doug’s cooking is incredible, as ever… but the best part is that we’re sharing this breakfast in my bed.

It feels like a little glimpse of the future—if I’m very, very lucky.

“I dunno how you feel,” I tell him, holding the back of my hand over my mouth as I swallow my bite of food. “But eating anything with maple syrup in bed feels like we’re breaking the law. Or at least a strongly worded rule.”

Eden coughs and laughs, swiping a bit of whipped cream off his plate to lick off his finger. “I’m surprised you even let me. The disaster potential is pretty high.”

I shrug. “I’m good at laundry. I have to deal with worse than maple syrup on a regular basis.”

“Phew. So if I suggest round two in bed with the leftover whipped cream…” Eden trails off with a meaningful smirk.

“No, Eden,” I laugh. “That’s not an excuse to be reckless.”

“You think I need an excuse?”

I shake my head as I hunt down the last strawberries. “You’re impossible.”

“Only my middle name,” Eden counters, and I laugh again. God. I don’t know if I’ve ever been this cheerful. It feels like the sunshine is so contagious that I can’t even pretend to be grumpy when I’m around Eden.

It’s just easy between us. Most of the time, it’s nice and gentle and sweet. And then there are the hot moments like the one we just shared—where I find myself knowing exactly what to do and say with him, how to move, when to let him talk and when to kiss him into letting go of his worries.

But there’s one little problem. My conscience is eating me up.

“Murph?” Eden says softly, and I quickly glance up at him, and I’m surprised to find him watching me with a knowing look on his face. “What is it?”

I thought I was doing a better job than that of hiding it. I frown at him with a little bit of alarm, then clear my throat. “How’d you know?”

Eden hums noncommittally. “I have my ways. But also, you don’t usually fidget.”

My eyes widen, and I follow Eden’s gaze down to my hands. I’m tapping a finger against the side of my plate in a quick rhythm, like a starting motor firing up. “Oh. Huh.”

“So?” Eden prompts, and I sigh.

“Okay, so… I do have news. I feel really bad about it.” I swallow hard, reaching out to put a hand on his knee. “Especially at such short notice. And after all our planning?—”

“Oh my god, Murph! Nooooo,” Eden groans, and I grab the plate from him just in time. He flops onto his back on the bed. “Not the bathtub race! Is it cancelled?”

“No.”

Eden catches his breath and pushes himself up on one elbow, suddenly genuinely worried. “Am I cancelled?” he says, plaintive as anything.

I can’t help a laugh. “No,” I reassure him, reaching out and wriggling my fingers until he gives me his hand. “You’re fine. I’m still excited to introduce you to everyone. It’s just that… something came up, with work.”

“Work? But that means… that means no barge.” Eden sits upright, taking my hand between both of his smaller, more delicate palms. “So... no party?”

I wince. “I haven’t told the guys yet. But yeah, I have a job in the morning while the race is going on. I’m kind of regretting taking it. But it’s for a real good cause, apparently. It’s a big deal. That’s all I can say.”

Eden’s frown slowly deepens as he watches me.

I sigh, squeezing his hands as I look him in the eye. “I’m sorry,” I murmur softly. I can’t bear the idea he might be disappointed. “I could call him back and cancel it?—”

“No,” Eden shakes his head firmly. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m sad about it. But I trust your reasoning. I know I have to share you with the tide table,” he crookedly grins, and I groan. That’s not really helping my guilt at all.

Just as I’m thinking about cancelling anyway, Eden tilts his head again.

“It’s just… why can’t the party go ahead?”

“Huh?”

“There’s still my boat.” Eden shrugs. “We still have a party boat. Just not a double, mega party boat. And you can come join us when you’re done, can’t you?”

“I…” My voice trails off as I rearrange our hands, holding both of his in my grip. I don’t even know what to say. “Shit. Wow. I mean, only if you don’t mind. I really don’t want you to feel pressured to host, and meet people?—”

“Try stopping me,” Eden grins at me.

I laugh, finally letting go of his hands as the weight of the world lifts off my chest. “Wow. I mean, that’s really sweet of you, Eden.”

“Sure it is. I’ll call in that favour next time we’re in bed,” Eden winks at me. “But seriously, Murph… I want you to be able to count on me for more than a crisis. I want you to be able to count on me in a crisis.”

I chuckle, letting out a breath as I reach up to run my thumb along Eden’s cheekbone. I shake my head slowly, just admiring him—and wondering what the hell happened when this one was made.

He’s sweet as anything, isn’t he? It makes me all the angrier that he hasn’t always been treated the way he deserves. But those days are over—and I’m determined not to be another man taking him for granted.

“Seriously, though. If you want me to cancel the job, just say the word. I’ll do it for you,” I insist. “I know I’m asking a lot of you. I don’t want you to meet all the guys by yourself if you’re even a little bit nervous about it.”

Eden blows a sigh between his lips. “Pfff. Nah. Are they as cool as you?”

I snort, and then I break into a little laugh. “Trust me—I’m the least cool one by far.”

“I doubt that,” Eden insists, which is very sweet and very wrong of him. “But that’s great. I’ll be fine, then. You do your thing, and I’ll hold down the fort. Island life is a team effort, right?”

Whoa. How the hell did he learn that so fast? For just a moment, I’m so touched that I can’t speak. My chest goes all tight as I try to swallow away the lump in my throat.

“Murph?”

“Nothing. I…” I clear my throat and shrug helplessly. “God. It’s just… I know what I want.”

“Uh huh?” Eden smiles up at me. “And are you ready to ask?”

I shake my head, and Eden flinches—hard. Shit. Instantly, my throat tightens again. I hate that I might have caused Eden even a second of self-doubt.

“Eden,” I tell him, soft but intense, as I reach out to grab one of his hands and squeeze tight. “It’s only because I don’t know how to say it yet, the way you deserve. But I promise you, I can feel it.”

Eden studies my eyes like he’s looking for something. Then, at last, he slowly relaxes and his smile creeps back. “So do I,” he murmurs. “If you can be patient with me… I can be patient with you, too.” He pulls a mournful face. “I’m just real bad at it, so I might take a while to learn.”

I laugh, bending my head to brush my lips against the back of his hand. “Don’t worry,” I promise. “I don’t intend to keep you waiting.”

“Good,” Eden murmurs, tilting his chin up like he’s asking for a kiss. He even scoots forward, almost planting his hand right in the middle of my plate.

I grunt, almost flinging it onto the bedside table to get it out of the way so I can gather Eden up against me, wrap him tightly in my arms, and kiss him until every doubt fades away.

I want us to be each other’s anchor.

That’s what I want. And I’m going to find a way to show and tell him that leaves him in no doubt whatsoever what he means to me. He deserves the world. And I might not be able to give him the whole world… but I can sure as hell give him my little slice of it.

Finally, Eden turns away and sheepishly stifles a yawn. “Sorry. It’s not you, it’s me.”

“I won’t be offended,” I laugh. “My kissing skills are rusty.”

“No,” Eden giggles. “It really is me. The bed’s real nice, that’s all. And—and I bet the hot water is, too. I missed this stuff more than I think I knew.”

Yes! It’s all I can do to hide my triumphant glee with a gentle smile. “It’s all yours,” I murmur, flopping onto the bed and tugging him down against me so I can wrap him tightly in my arms. “Make yourself at home. When I have to go, if you’re asleep, I’ll send you one of my brothers’ phone numbers so you can get a ride back to Dawn’s Embrace.”

Eden sighs and snuggles into me. “Thank you. For taking care of me, I mean. Protecting me.”

“Mm,” I try to grunt and shrug it off, but he won’t let me.

“I—I really feel safe with you. And I’m starting to learn how to trust that. It might just take me a while, that’s all.” He traces his fingertips along my collarbone. “But that’s not you, either—it’s me.”

“I know,” I promise Eden, and I kiss his forehead. “You can take all the time we need. And so will I. We’re going to do this right, you and me.”

“Really?” Eden whispers, peeking at me like he’s not quite sure.

I haven’t waited this long to meet Eden to go and fuck it up now. I smile calmly at him, reassuring him with one more little kiss.

“Really,” I promise. “Now, less talking, more napping.” I can tell he needs it—but left to his own devices, he’ll just chatter the morning away.

Eden sleepily giggles. “Yes, skipper,” he murmurs, and then he settles down in my arms.

I can’t get back to sleep myself—but it’s okay. I’m a man who knows how to make the most of every minute. If I can watch over Eden while he rests and try to figure out how to put all these new feelings into words…

Well, that sounds perfect to me.