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FORTY-NINE

MOIRA

He lets me go, but it doesn’t mean he’s done arguing with me.

Not that he cares that he’s ripping my heart out with every word. Or that I was just devastated by making love one last time with my husband.

Just one last fuck, I thought. I’ll still do the right thing and leave. Just one last fuck that will ruin me forever.

Pretend, pretend, let’s play pretend.

Moira’s just a wind-up toy with no heart. She feels nothing .

I’m just feet walking back to the front door with the bag I threw some of my shit in. So what if I can still feel him dripping down my inner thigh?

It doesn’t mean anything.

Nothing means anything.

Fucking him was definitely not in the plans, but then he was eating me out and we were up against the door, and before I knew it, his cock was inside me, and I was riding him to kingdom come.

“Tell me why ,” he demands, on my heels.

“Because I don’t do monogamy.”

I yank open the front door. I can tell he wants to slam it shut again, but the safeword was effective. He stayed hands-off the entire time I was throwing whatever I could grab into my bag.

“I told you, I don’t care about that!”

Good. Let him yell. The louder and more public for whoever may be watching, the better.

“Too bad. I do. And I just can’t stay here like this with you anymore!” I start down the stairs of the front steps. My heart’s beating too loud in my ears.

“No!” he shouts. “No. I don’t accept it. I’ll find you and make you change your mind.”

My mouth drops open as I spin back to look at him. “You can’t say no. And that’s called stalking !”

“So what? I’ve stalked you before. I’ll do it again.” He sprints down the steps until he’s right in my face. “Especially since I don’t believe a word out of your mouth.”

My breath immediately gets short, chest heaving. Damn him. Why is he making this so hard? Just let me break up with you already!

“You want me,” he demands, eyes dark as they search mine. He jams a pointer finger back toward the house. “You just proved in there how much you still want me.”

“That doesn’t mean anything!” I toss my hands up. “I want all sorts of guys.”

He lets out a bitter laugh, but there’s nothing amusing about it. “Bullshit. You think I don’t know you by now? You think I don’t see right through you?”

Oh shit. Panic floods my chest. What if he really does? Everyone’s in actual real fucking danger. Right this second, for all I know, Domhnall could be tromping into a hornet’s nest of bad guys, thinking he’s invincible like he always does.

And here I’ve been, taking one last ride. I should never have let myself be seduced by Bane again in the first place. What if I’ve already fucked everything up?

Because that’s what I do, isn’t it?

I fuck shit up.

I ruin things.

And, given enough time, I’d ruin Bane.

This is for his good, too.

I lift my chin and force my eyes flinty. “You don’t see anything .”

His nostrils flare, and his hands curl into fists at his sides like he’s holding himself back from grabbing me and shaking the truth out of me. “I see a scared woman. A woman who’s running. From herself. And from me.”

I force down the lump in my throat. “How poetic. And completely fucking wrong. I’m walking away because I want to.”

“Bullshit,” he snarls again, stepping closer, heat radiating off of him. “If you wanted to go, you would have left before I ever touched you again. But you didn’t. You let me have you. You took everything I gave you and then some. And now you expect me to believe this is real? That you don’t love me?”

I blink but try not to let him see he’s just punched the air out of my lungs. Love . Oh god. He’s told me he loves me before, but just that once. I think he’s afraid he’ll scare me if he says it too much. Because I haven’t ever said it back.

I force myself to laugh caustically. “Love?” Meanwhile, I’m dying inside. “Whoever said anything about love ? I thought we both knew what this was. We were both just using each other.”

His face darkens, and his voice drops dangerously low. “You’re a coward.”

I inhale sharply, then point in his face. “You knew exactly who I was since the moment you met me. It’s not my fault you made up some fairytale about a pretty, helpless maiden who needed saving. Because that was never me.”

“I don’t know what the fuck’s going on, but you’re in trouble, aren’t you? Who was that woman with you in the bar?” His voice softens just slightly, rough with desperation. “Let me help, Moira. Let me in.”

I shake my head wildly, stepping back. “I don’t need help.”

“The hell you don’t.” His eyes flick over my face, searching, pleading. “You love me, Moira. Say it. Because I love you . See? I’m not afraid.”

I steel myself against the panic that’s like a thousand bats screeching and flapping in my ribcage.

Then I raise my chin.

For once in your goddamn life, Moira, don’t fuck this up.

He always did love it when I hurt him.

So I devastate him.

I lean in. “I don’t want you, Bane. You’re nothing to me.”

Bane flinches like I just carved the words into his flesh.

His grip on my wrist goes slack, and I take the opening, pulling free. The moment I step back, his whole body changes; his face goes blank, his posture is locked in rigid control, and the Bane that loves me disappears behind a mask of cold, impenetrable steel.

It’s working. Now, I need to make sure it sticks.

“I used you,” I continue, voice sharp as a blade. “You were a fun distraction. But I’m done now. I don’t want you anymore.”

He doesn’t speak. He doesn’t move.

I push harder. “You’re too intense. Too much . And frankly, it got boring.”

A muscle ticks in his jaw. But still, he says nothing.

Good.

“Go back to your perfect little church house,” I snap, turning my back on him. “Find some sweet, devout thing who’ll let you own her like you want. Because it’s not me.”

Silence.

Then, softly, so quietly I barely hear it?—

“You’re a liar.”

I walk away.

I force one foot in front of the other, my vision blurring, my chest a gaping, open wound. He doesn’t chase me anymore. He doesn’t call my name.

I break him and leave him standing there.

It’s for the best.

But then why does it feel like I just killed the only thing that ever made me feel alive?