Page 26 of Unholy Confessions (The Paper Rings Trilogy #1)

Montgomery

I haven't slept all night. I've sat up wondering what in the hell is going to happen to RJ now that I know for sure he's using. He's always had an addictive personality and this isn't going to be easy for him to kick.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Mom asks, bringing me in a cup of coffee.

Bless her heart, she's been here all night. I didn't want to go home because there are so many memories there of dad's addiction. "I'm fine," I answer, but it's flat, even to my ears. "Skylar will be here soon if you wanna go home."

"I'm not going home." She reaches out, brushing my hair back from my face. "I need to say something and I need you to hear me, Montgomery."

Here it comes. "Okay."

"It's hard loving someone who has the issues that RJ and Jared have.

It will take you to the edges of what you think you can tolerate, and then it'll push you even further.

Before you continue with him, for your sake, and his, you need to decide if you can really handle it.

" She takes a drink of her own coffee. "Are you prepared to be worried about where he is at night, to be checking to make sure he's still breathing when he's asleep, always wondering if he's being truthful?

" She reaches forward, grabbing my hand.

"I never wanted you to be doing this, sweetie. I wanted more for you."

I shrug, pulling my bottom lip in between my teeth. "The heart wants what it wants, Mom."

She opens her mouth and starts to speak when my front door slams open, and there's my friend. "Why didn't you call me last night when all this shit happened? I had to wake up to a text. Goddamn Montgomery."

I smile sadly at mom. "I'm good. She's here now."

Mom hesitates at the door, her keys jangling in her hand.

"You call me if you need anything, sweetheart.

Anything at all. Please think about letting me send you my therapist's name, you might need it, okay?

" She kisses my forehead before stepping around Skylar, who's already making herself at home by kicking off her boots and tossing her purse on my counter.

The moment the door clicks shut, I feel the dam break. The tears I've been holding back all night come flooding out, and I'm sobbing before I can even get words out.

"Hey, hey." Skylar's arms are around me instantly, pulling me against her chest. "It's okay. Let it out."

But it's not okay. Nothing about this is okay. "Sky, I can't—" I choke on the words, my breath coming in sharp gasps. "I can't do this."

She guides me to the couch, settling beside me and rubbing circles on my back. "Talk to me. What happened last night?"

I tell her everything. About finding the pills in RJ's jeans, about the fight, about how he looked at me like I was the enemy when all I wanted was to help him. The words tumble out between sobs, and Skylar just listens, occasionally making soft sounds of understanding or anger on my behalf.

"And the worst part," I continue, wiping my nose with the tissue she handed me, "is that I've seen this before. I know exactly how this story goes."

Skylar's hand stills on my back. "Your dad."

"My dad." The words taste bitter. "He started with pills after he hurt his back on tour.

Just for the pain, he said. Then it was cocaine to stay awake during long recording sessions.

Then it was heroin because nothing else worked anymore.

" I lean forward, burying my face in my hands.

"I watched it destroy him. I watched it destroy our family. "

The memories come flooding back—Dad missing dinner again, Mom crying in the kitchen when she thought I couldn't hear, the nights I'd lie awake listening to them fight about money, about his behavior, about the band.

The final straw when I was twelve and found him passed out in his car in our driveway, needle still hanging from his arm.

"I remember the intervention," I whisper. "Mom made me sit there and tell Dad how his using made me feel. I was twelve years old, Sky. Twelve. And I had to look at my hero and tell him he was scaring me."

"Jesus, Montgomery."

"He got clean after that. It took him two more rehab visits, but he did it. But those years—" I shake my head, fresh tears spilling over. "Those years nearly killed all of us. And now I'm watching it happen again with someone I—" I can't finish the sentence.

"Someone you love," Skylar finishes gently.

"Yes, I've loved him for most of my life, but now?"

"Now you're scared."

"I'm terrified." I look at her, feeling more vulnerable than I have in years. "What if I can't save him? What if he doesn't want to be saved? What if I'm just setting myself up to watch someone I care about destroy themselves all over again?"

Skylar is quiet for a long moment, and I can practically see the wheels turning in her head. Finally, she shifts to face me fully. "Can I ask you something?"

I nod.

"Do you see a future with RJ? Like, if the drugs weren't part of the equation, could you see yourself building something real with him?"

The question catches me off guard. If she had asked me before all of this started? It would have been an unequivocable yes, no hesitation. Now? I've been so focused on the crisis at hand that I haven't thought about what comes after—if there is an after.

"I don't know," I say honestly. "Before last night, yes.

He's different from anyone else. He sees me, you know?

Not just as Jared Winston's daughter or as some conquest. Because we've lived the same life as children of rockstars, we've never looked at each other as anything other than normal.

He sees me as Montgomery, just Montgomery.

And when we're together—" I pause, searching for the right words.

"When we're together, I feel like I can be completely myself. No walls, no pretense. Just me."

"That's not nothing," Skylar says softly.

"No, it's not nothing. But is it enough?

Is it enough to build a relationship on when there's this massive, destructive thing standing between us?

" I run my hands through my hair, frustrated.

"I keep thinking about my parents. Mom stayed.

She fought for Dad, supported him through rehab, held our family together while he figured his shit out.

And they made it work. But Sky, it nearly broke her.

There were times I wasn't sure she'd survive it. "

"You're not your mother, and RJ isn't your father."

"But addiction is addiction. The patterns are the same.

The lying, the secrecy, the choosing the drugs over everything else that matters.

" I feel a fresh wave of tears building.

"Last night, when I confronted him about the pills, you should have seen his face.

He was angry at me, and called me a bitch.

Me, Sky. For caring enough to say something. How fucked up is that?"

Skylar reaches over and takes my hands in hers. "It's the addiction talking, not him. You know that, right? When someone's using, they'll say and do anything to protect their high. They'll hurt the people they love most if it means they can keep using."

"I know that intellectually. But emotionally?" I shake my head. "It still hurts. It still feels like he chose the drugs over me."

"Because in that moment, he did. And that's the reality of addiction, Montgomery. It makes people choose the substance over everything else, even when they don't want to."

The truth of her words settles heavily in my chest. "So what do I do? Do I walk away before this gets worse? Do I protect myself and let him figure it out on his own?"

"What do you want to do?"

"I want to save him." The words come out before I can stop them, raw and desperate. "I want to force him into rehab and make him get clean and fix this whole mess so we can go back to how things were before."

"But?"

"But I know I can't do that. I know that's not how it works." I lean back against the couch cushions, suddenly exhausted. "God, Sky, I'm so scared for him. I'm scared he's going to end up like some of Dad's old friends—dead before thirty from an overdose. Or in jail. Or just... lost."

Skylar squeezes my hands. "Those are valid fears. Addiction is serious, and the statistics aren't great. But Montgomery, you can't control his choices. You can't love someone into sobriety."

"Then what can I do?"

"You can decide what you're willing to accept in your own life. You can set boundaries. You can tell him how you feel and what you need from him if he wants to be with you. But ultimately, he has to want to get clean. He has to want to change. And he has to do the work."

The words hit me like a punch to the gut, even though I know she's right. "That's what Dad's counselor told Mom during family therapy. That she couldn't make him get sober—he had to want it for himself."

"And did he? Want it for himself?"

I think back to those dark years, trying to remember the moment things shifted.

"Eventually, yeah. But it took almost losing everything.

Mom was ready to leave him. The band was falling apart.

I was having panic attacks at school because I was so worried about what I'd find when I got home.

" I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand.

"He hit rock bottom hard, and that's when he finally admitted he needed help. "

"Some people need to hit rock bottom before they're ready to climb back up."

"But what if RJ's rock bottom is death? What if he doesn't get the chance to choose recovery?" The fear in my voice is palpable, even to me.

Skylar doesn't have an easy answer for that, and I'm grateful she doesn't try to give me false reassurance. Instead, she pulls me into another hug, holding me tightly while I process everything we've talked about.

"I hate feeling this helpless," I whisper against her shoulder.

"I know, babe. I know."

We sit in silence for a while, and gradually my breathing returns to normal. The crying has left me drained but somehow clearer. As if it washed away some of the fear.

"Can I ask you something else?" Skylar says eventually.

"Sure."

"Are you prepared for the possibility that he might not choose recovery? That he might choose the drugs over you, over his career, over everything?"

The question makes my stomach clench, but I force myself to really consider it. "I don't know. I want to say yes, that I could walk away if I had to. But honestly? The thought of giving up on him feels almost as scary as watching him use."

"That's understandable. But Montgomery, you have to protect yourself too. You can't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm."

"I know. I just—" I stop, trying to find the right words. "I keep thinking about the person he is when he's not using. The way he makes me laugh, the way he listens when I talk about my writing, the way he holds me when I get worried about my dad. That person is worth fighting for."

"But is he willing to fight for himself?"

"I don't know. And that's what's killing me."

Skylar leans back to look at me. "What if you talked to him? Not about the drugs specifically, but about your future together. About what you need from a partner. Let him know where you stand without giving him an ultimatum."

"You think that would help?"

"I think it would give you both clarity. He'd know what's at stake, and you'd know whether he's willing to fight for what you could have together."

The idea terrifies me, but it also feels like the only path forward that doesn't involve me completely giving up or completely enabling him. "What if he chooses the drugs?"

"Then you'll know. And as much as it would hurt, at least you wouldn't spend months or years wondering what might have been."

I nod slowly, feeling something like resolve beginning to form in my chest. "I need to think about what I want to say to him."

"Take your time. This isn't a conversation you want to rush into."

"Thank you," I tell her, meaning it more than I can express. "For being here, for listening, for not trying to tell me what to do."

"That's what friends are for." She smooths my hair back from my face. "But Montgomery? Whatever you decide, I've got your back. Whether you choose to fight for this relationship or walk away, I'll support you."

"Even if I make the wrong choice?"

"There is no wrong choice here. There's just the choice that's right for you, in this moment, with the information you have. And whatever happens, you'll handle it. You're stronger than you think."

I want to believe her, but right now I feel anything but strong. I feel scared and confused and heartbroken over a relationship that might not even survive the week.

But maybe that's okay. Maybe feeling all of this means I care enough to fight for something real, even if it's messy and complicated and scary as hell.

"I think I need to be alone for a while," I tell Skylar. "To figure out what I want to say to him."

She nods, understanding. "Call me if you need anything. And Montgomery? Whatever happens with RJ, don't forget that you deserve someone who chooses you. Every day, over everything else that might compete for their attention. Don't settle for less than that."

After she leaves, I sit in the quiet of my apartment, her words echoing in my mind. Do I deserve someone who chooses me? And more importantly, is RJ capable of being that person?

Only time will tell. But first, I need to decide if I'm brave enough to find out.