Torch
“I can’t believe I burned the cranberry sauce.”
“It’s fine.” Dad walked over and kissed Mom on the cheek. “Everyone likes the canned stuff better.”
“They do not!”
“Yeah, babe. They do. They just don’t want to hurt your feelings.” Dad gave her arm a quick squeeze, then stepped back as he added, “Same goes for the pumpkin pie and roasted asparagus.”
“What!”
“I’m not gonna lie. The asparagus thing is a little gross.” Dad grimaced. “It’s a little slimy, and once it gets cold, it’s just ugh... nasty. And then, you try to reheat it, and it all goes downhill from there.”
“Logan!”
“Hey.” He held up his hands in surrender. “It’s not like you’re a bad cook. You’re phenomenal—even better than Cass, and that’s saying something. Hell, nobody can touch your corn pudding or your potato casserole. But your asparagus is a hard no.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve been taking it for years, and everyone loves it.”
Dad glanced over at me, and I knew he was about to throw me under the bus. “Are you gonna tell her or am I?”
“Oh, no. I’m not telling her shit. If you wanna go there, it’s all on you.”
“Pansy-ass.” Dad shook his head, then looked back to Mom and said, “We toss it every year.”
“What do you mean, you toss it?”
“We didn’t want you to get your feelings hurt.”
“I can’t believe this.” Mom turned to me with a mix of hurt and rage in her eyes. “And you were a part of this?” She brought her hand up to her chest. “My sweet, precious son. The son I carried and loved with all my heart and soul.” Her eyes narrowed, and her tone became hostile as she continued, “A child that was six days late and weighed over ten pounds with a head the size of a bowling ball! You were a part of this!”
“Ah, Ma. Come on, now. You know it wasn’t like that. We were just looking out for you.”
“Well, don’t do me any favors.” She grabbed the aluminum foil and started wrapping her asparagus. “I’m taking this today, and you two keep your mitts off it. You’ll see. By the end of the night, this dish will be gone. Just wait and see.”
“And if it isn’t?”
“I’ll never bring it again.”
“Deal.” Dad glanced up at the clock, then said, “It’s about that time. We should get going.”
“Who’s all coming today?” I asked.
“Mostly just the brothers and the ol’ ladies. Most of the kids are off doing their own thing.”
“Like what?”
“Well, your sister is with Casey and Addie on their ski trip, and Darby and Susana are spending the holiday with their new boyfriends,” Mom answered. “But Lauren and Flynn are coming, and I’m pretty sure Beck and Ava are coming.”
“Beck and Ava, huh?” I watched as my mother braced herself when I asked, “How come you don’t sound at all surprised that she’s coming or that she has a daughter?”
“Because we aren’t surprised,” Dad answered. “We’ve always known.”
“And you didn’t think to mention it to me?”
“It wasn’t our place to tell. Besides, I didn’t think you’d care.”
“Didn’t think I’d care?” I roared louder than I’d intended. “Why wouldn’t I care?”
“Because you two have never been all that close. I didn’t figure you had any interest in her.”
“I knew you liked her,” Mom admitted. “It wasn’t until she was about to leave for college, but I saw the way you looked at her. I just never understood why you didn’t tell her.”
“Because she was too young.”
“That’s no excuse. You knew how that poor girl felt about you, and you just let her leave without saying a word.”
“What was I supposed to say? Don’t go. I think I have feelings for you.”
“Yeah, something like that.”
“No. You were right to leave it alone,” Dad disagreed. “You both were young and had a lot of growing up to do. You’ve done that. Now, you can see if there was something really there or if it was just kids being kids.”
“He’s right.” Mom stepped over to me and placed her hand on my shoulder. “This could be a good thing.”
“Maybe, but I still can’t believe you didn’t say anything. It’s not like I didn’t ask about her.”
“I know, but Big and Josie asked us not to say anything.”
“But why?”
“Because Beck didn’t want anyone to know.” Dad shrugged. “If you want to know any more than that, you’ll have to ask her.”
Dad gave me a pat on the back, then grabbed Mom’s dishes and headed out the door. Mom and I followed him outside, and I followed them over to the clubhouse. When we pulled in, Rooster and Maggie were unloading all the food they’d brought, and Samantha and Nathan were helping them carry it inside.
I got off my bike and started over to them as I said, “Damn, brother. You feedin’ an army with all that.”
“Just trying to cover all my bases with all these picky eaters.”
“Understood.”
I held the door open and waited as they all streamed inside. Mom, Dad, and I followed them down to the family room. When we walked in, we were all amazed by all the hard work the women had done to the clubhouse. It was usually rugged with little to no décor, but the ladies had gone all out and had every inch of the place decorated for our Thanksgiving meal.
Dad turned to Mom and smiled, “You did good.”
“It wasn’t just me. Everyone helped.”
“Well, you outdid yourselves.”
He was right. It was really something. There were flowers on every table and twinkling lights strung from wall to wall. And the tables were overloaded with food. There was an enormous turkey, a honey ham and a country ham, endless casseroles, and countless pies. They had every dish you could imagine and then some.
Dad and I stood in the doorway and watched as Mom walked over and added her dishes to the table. She glanced over at us as she placed her asparagus in the center of the vegetables. Dad smiled, and as soon as she looked away, he leaned over to me and whispered, “You know we’re still gonna have to toss it, right?”
“Absolutely.”
“That’s my boy.” He lingered for a moment, then sighed, “About the Beck thing...”
“It’s fine. I get it.”
“Not sure that you do.” He gave me one of his looks. “Big isn’t one to ask favors, but he asked me to keep the thing with Beck between us. I owed it to him to keep it under wraps.”
“I would’ve done the same.”
He gave me a nod, and it wasn’t long before the guys started to gather around the table. Dad gave me a nudge and said, “You better grab a plate before all the good stuff gets gone.”
“I will in a minute.”
I watched as he walked over and stood next to Mom, and they both took their place in line. The room became filled with a mix of laughter, clinking glasses, and stories being told for the hundredth time. I’d heard them all before, so I stayed put and waited for the line to die down. I took a quick glance around the room, and my chest tightened when I spotted Beck in the back corner.
She was talking with Lauren, Mia, and London, and her head was thrown back, laughing at something one of them had said. For a second, it was like nothing had changed—like it hadn’t been seven damn years since she’d stepped foot in here. I felt a knot form in my throat, tight and unyielding.
I’d told myself I wouldn’t let this whole thing get to me but seeing her like that—her guard down and her eyes so bright—hit harder than I expected. I couldn’t seem to tear my eyes away from her or Ava. She was perched on the edge of her mother’s chair, soaking in everything the girls were saying. She had her mother’s spark, and seeing her smiling and hanging onto their every word made something twist in my chest.
Beck leaned in and whispered something that made the other women burst into laughter. They were all still giggling when she caught me watching her from across the room. She held my gaze, and for a beat, everything else faded. There was a questioning look in her eye, maybe even a little wary—but then she smiled. It was small, but it was enough to make the knot in my throat tighten even more.
I took a long swig of my beer, trying to swallow the emotion building inside me. Seven years was a long time, but for a moment, it felt like no time at all. It felt like something I’d been waiting for, and now, it was finally here.
I was lost in my world of thoughts until I felt a pat on my shoulder, and Rooster said, “You better get to it, brother. The good stuff is about gone.”
“On it.”
I headed over and made myself a plate, then made my way over to the table and sat down next to Dad and Stitch. I took a bite of mashed potatoes, and they were incredible. That’s all it took for me to dive in. I finished my plate and went back for another. I filled my plate high before heading back to the table.
Once I finished it off, I leaned back in my chair and let out a satisfied sigh. I couldn’t remember when I’d been so full, but I wasn’t quite done. I still needed to decide on a dessert. I was trying to decide between Cass’s pecan pie and Wren’s banana pudding when I noticed that Beck was no longer in the room. She had been sitting a few chairs down from me, and Ava was tucked in right beside her.
But now, Ava was coloring over at the kids table, and there was no sign of Beck. I glanced around the room, making sure I hadn’t missed her, but she was nowhere in sight.
I gave it a minute, then leaned over to Dad and asked, “You seen Beck?”
“She was here a minute ago.”
“Yeah, I know. Just wondering if something’s up.”
“Probably nothing.”
I nodded, then took another glance around the room, searching for any sign of her. I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong, so I eased my chair back and made my way out of the dining area. I started down the hall, and it wasn’t long before I spotted her leaning against the wall with her arms crossed tightly over her chest and her head bent low. Her shoulders shook, and I realized she was crying.
“Hey?” I whispered softly, not wanting to startle her. “You okay?”
She flinched anyway, quickly wiping at her cheeks and turning toward me. “Oh, hey. I didn’t hear you coming.”
“I didn’t figure you did.” I stepped closer, keeping my voice low. “Something wrong?”
“No, everything’s great,” she said quickly, but her red-rimmed eyes told a different story. “I just needed a minute.”
I didn’t respond.
I just gave her a look, letting her know that I wasn’t buying that nothing was wrong. After a few seconds, she let out a long sigh and admitted, “It’s just a lot. I thought things would be different... I thought everyone would treat me like an outsider or like I was just a joke and wasn’t wanted, but it hasn’t been that way at all. Everyone’s been wonderful.”
“I don’t get why you’d think they wouldn’t be.”
“I don’t know. I just got it in my head that...” She glanced up at me for a split second, then immediately looked away. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter.”
“It does matter,” I pushed. “Tell me.”
“Everyone always saw me as the dumb kid who drooled over you like a love-sick puppy, and they couldn’t have cared less about me or what I was doing. I looked like a fool. Then, I go off to college to prove myself but end up getting pregnant by the absolute worst jerk-face on the planet. It was humiliating. I didn’t want anyone to know, so I stayed gone and didn’t tell anyone what had happened. And I honestly didn’t think anyone would notice one way or another.”
“That’s a lot to unpack there.”
“Yeah, I know.” Her back stiffened as she wiped the last of her tears away. “I was wrong about them... It makes me wonder what else I’ve been wrong about.”