Page 165 of Under Her Skin

That’s how I convinced myself that it was okay to take what he was giving me. But the ring and his financial security was just a little too much for me. It would be damn nice to understand why thatis.

I live in Los Angeles. I see gold diggers every day and know there’s a difference in them and rich people with genuine love and respect for one another. Blake and I could bethat.

I respect the hell out of that man. Can’t really say I’ve ever thought so highly of anyone before him. He’s sweet, caring, generous, and faithful. Like a dog that you forget to feed and sometimes forget to bring in out of the cold, but he still loves you anyway. The moment you let him in he’s all happy andfrolicking.

That’s Blake to a tee. I’ve left with no regard what so ever for his feelings and he’s taken me back every time and never made me pay for what I did tohim.

This last week has been amazing. Not only has he treated me like a queen, but his personal attention to me has been out of this world. I even let him tie me to the bed one night and he made me so happy Idid.

He spends time thinking about what will please me in so many ways. I know most men are all about what you can do for them in the bedroom, but Blake isn’t that way atall.

And here I am walking alone down the beach as the sun melts into the ocean, creating a stunning picture. My sweet man sits at my tiny apartment waiting for myreturn.

Not a very fair thing for someone who is as giving and loving as he is. He buys me a fantastic engagement ring and asks me to marry him and I go crazy and leave himalone.

Bet he never thought in a million years this would have been the outcome of all hisplanning.

It occurs to me that we were going to go to Vegas, and he’d asked Kip and Peyton to come along. I wonder if he was planning on us getting marriedtonight.

He most likely was, and I just went and fucked the whole thing up. Just because I don’t think I deserve goodthings.

I should go back and accept his proposal and bite my tongue to keep my idiot mouth shut. Once we’re married it will be too late to second guessanything.

It’s not the smartest thing I’ve ever contemplated doing before, but it’s not the most idiotic thingeither.

Aman jogsby me with a dog on a leash. The dog’s tail is wagging like crazy and it reminds me of Blake’s idea about us getting apuppy.

Blake is this happy-go-lucky guy and I’m Debbie Downer. He’s all, ‘let’s get married!’ I’m all, ‘But one day we might breakup.’

Man, I’m a real fuckingmoron!

I pick up my pace as I head back to my car. I’m going to do it. If he’ll still have me, I’m going to tell him the answer is yes and that we should get our asses to Vegas and do this thing before my insanity catches up to meagain.

It has to be a little bit of insanity after all. What woman in her right mind would look at that ring he had and his gorgeous face and rocking body and say, not now,sweetheart?

It’s been three hours that I’ve walked and I hope he’s not really pissed at me for being gone so long. Perhaps I should find him a puppy so he can’t be mad at me. He seems the type if you gave him a puppy he’d get over any anger he had in him and turn into a mush ball over thething.

But then again, that might be something he wants us to pick out together as a couple, as a married couple. I open the car door and climb inside of the beautiful car he bought me and think that I have to learn how to hold my tongue and gauge my reactions to goodnews.

It seems I have the opposite reactions that most people have. That’s something I have to change. I’m making a vow to myself right here andnow.

No more DebbieDowner!

I’m going to follow Blake’s lead and be a happy-go-luckygal.

Well, maybe not a gal. A happy-go-lucky youngwoman.

There, that’sbetter!

Blake

For the first hour I waited patiently. Rachelle has issues and I am no stranger to them. But when the second hour came I got a little hot under the collar and the third one came and I told myself to get the fuck out ofthere.

With a note that told her I wanted to get married or get on with my life, I feel like she knows where I stand. It’s been far too long and I’m ready to start this marriage. Three to five years is too far away for me. I’m no fool and know she’ll never agree withme.

I left and I am not going to allow myself to look back. I’mdone!

It’s obvious to me that I have to cut Kip and Max out of my life as well, if I am to get Rachelle out and keep her out. I can’t take her constant rejection. No one should subject themselves to what she dishesout.