Page 124 of Under Her Skin

I murmur, “She must’ve been so afraid. Poor little girl. She saw her mother die and thought it was her fault. No wonder she drinks, no wonder she’s done drugs, no wonder she feels she’s not worthy of anyone being in her life, includingme.”

“There’s more, Shell. I know who your father is. He’s not a good man, anymore, but he was once. When your mother was younger, and she hadn’t started collecting assholes, pardon my French, she was the high school sweetheart of a nice youngman.”

“My father! She always said she had no idea of who it might be! Does he live in Round Rock?” My heart is jumping up and down in my chest withexcitement.

I may get to meet myfather!

Grandpa makesmy heart fall in an instant. “He’s not a good man anymore, Shell. He was once, but your mother messed with his mind and heart one too many times and it broke him. He does live in Round Rock and you’ve seen the man manytimes.”

“I have?” I ask in amazement. “When,where?”

“You know the man who looks like he’s about a hundred-years-old and lives under the bridge just off the interstate and the exit after ours?” he asks as he looks over atme.

I nod because I do know the man he’s talking about and it makes my stomach lurch. “How could he ever have been a good man, Grandpa? For the love of all that’s holy. He always has pee stains on his filthy pants and looks like he’s never seen a bit of water or soap for that matter. He’s a beggar, a homelessbum.”

“That man is Rodney Holmes, and until you were a year old, he was the starting quarterback for the high school football team. Your mother was a clarinet player in the marching band and they were a sweet young couple. Until your mom got pregnant thatis.”

“It all changed then. He didn’t want kids at that young age, did he? He dumped Mom, didn’t he?” I ask with a knowing look in myeyes.

Of course he dumped herthen.

“He askedyour mother to marry him. He begged her too as a matter of fact. Your mother ran away then. We had no idea where she went or who she was with. She stayed gone, and we only found her a year after we found you in that children’s home.” He looks out his side window as he takes the exit off the highway to hishome.

“Rodney came by often to see if we had heard anything. He swore he’d never bother her, he just wanted to know if she was okay and if you had been born yet. Things we didn’t know. Things we wished we did know, desperately.” His eyes glisten with unshed tears at thememory.

“So, Mom just left with me in her stomach? I just can’t imagine why she’d want to do such a thing all on her own.” My mind spins with all this newinformation.

“I have no idea, Shell. Well, one day, Rodney came and saw us and told us she had called him from a private phone number. She told him he had a daughter, but she told him your name was Connie for some reason. He said he begged her to let him know where she was. He begged her to come back to him or at least to us. She refused, got angry and hung up onhim.”

My grandfather’s words ring in my hollow chest. It was me who became so angry to find Blake holding me tightly as we slept that one night. I was mad because he was showing me how he wanted to protect me. I’m a fool just like mymother.

“So, my father is a homeless person who is crazy and my mother is also crazy and I’m not real far behind them.” I look out the window and watch the city turn into thecountryside.

In silence we ride to my grandparent’s home. He’s told me all I need to know. It’s really quite useless to try to live a normal life. My parents never could figure out how to. What makes me so special I can figure itout?

Blake’s better off without my crazyass.

Blake

Weary and beaten down, I walk into my little house in Lubbock. It’s late, and the house is pitch black. I turn on the living room light and see my gym stuff there. Though exhausted, I know I’ll not be able tosleep.

I miss her so damnbad.

Iyankoff my shirt and drop my jeans, stepping out of my shoes, I start my workout. Clad only in my tight, black boxer briefs, I pump some iron to rid my mind ofher.

After thirty minutes of intensely working out, a knock comes at my door. It’s two in the morning so I have to wonder who it could be. I look out the window as I turn on the porch light and see Josh, my next doorneighbor.

I open the door and he smiles at me. “I noticed the light on and wondered if someone broke in here to use your equipment, but it’s just you. When did you getin?”

“About half an hour ago. I’d ask you to come in, but I’m a bit of a grump right now. No one should be subjected to me in this lousy-assmood.”

He gives me a nod. “Okay, I just wanted to be a good neighbor and make sure no one was breaking in.” He reaches for something at the edge of the door frame and pulls out a baseballbat.

“You came packing, huh?” I ask with achuckle.

He turns awayand looks over his shoulder at me. “Well, I had to bring something to hit the bad guys with, if there were any. Have a good night, Blake. You should come and eat breakfast with us in the morning. I don’t like you being alone when you feel sobad.”

“I’ll think about it. Thanks for the invite. What time will it be served so I can let you know ahead of time if I’m coming ornot?”