Page 164 of Under Her Skin

I sit back and my eyes must be as wide as they’ve ever been. “Rachelle, are you shitting me? I’m worth a lot of money. The piece of paper will make sure you getit.”

She stands up and says, “If anything ever happens to you. Yes, I’m aware ofthat.”

“And what about kids?” I ask as she walks to get herself another beer it looks like as she opens the fridge and pulls out another. “When did you think about adding them into ourlife?”

“I haven’t given it much thought.” She opens the beer and looks at me. “Sure you don’t wantone?”

Ishake my head.“So, give the kid thing some thought. How old do you want to be before you start having kids? I’d like to have them while I’m young enough to enjoy them. Hanging out with that kid at the children’s home got me thinking how much having kids can add to yourlife.”

Instead of drinking the beer, she sets it on the bar and taps her temple with her finger. “I don’t think I’ll be having time to raise kids for quite a few years.” She looks at me with a frown. “I’d like to open my own restaurant. Remember thatconversation?”

“People do have kids and still manage to work, Rachelle. You love Pax, you know you’d love to have ababy.”

Her eyes go dark and I can see something is going through her mind and that’s probably a really bad thing. “I don’t think I’d make a very good mother. I really didn’t have a great example in that department. If it is kids you want, you might want to think about finding yourself anotherwoman.”

“Rachelle,” I get up and walk towards her, but she turns her back to me and crosses her arms over her chest. “Don’t. Don’t dothis.”

“Blake,this is all too fast. The whole thing. I have to think and I can’t do it around you.” She walks away and grabs her purse off the counter and goes to thedoor.

“Rachelle, don’t go. We have a lot to talk about.” I follow her to the door and can feel the cold radiating offher.

“Not now,” she says as she opens the door. “I can’t talk to you right now. I need tothink.”

I take her by the shoulders and stop her from leaving. “Don’t go. I’ll shut up. I promise. Just stayhere.”

Her head shakes,and she shrugs her shoulders. “I just need some time. I’m not the woman you seem to want. I’m not your normal, everyday mother and housewife. I don’t even know how to be that. You deserve a woman who wants the same things you do. I’m not saying I don’t want them. I am saying I don’t know how to be thatwoman.”

“Rachelle, leaving right now won’t solve a damn thing. Just stay here. If anything, I’llleave.”

She pulls out of my grip and turns to look at me. “Blake, you stay. I just want a little time tothink.”

My heart hurts and this is anything but what I thought would happen. “Rachelle, this isn’t a normal reaction to a proposal. You do realize that, don’tyou?”

“Nothing about me is normal, Blake. You do realize that, don’t you?” Her head hangs, making her long, dark hair fall over her face, shielding it from anyone’sview.

I want to grab her and take her in my arms and make her stay. I want to pull all that has her unable to accept love and normalcy out of that pretty little head ofhers.

“I wish you’d stay. We don’t have to talk about a damn thing,Rachelle.”

She stops and for a moment I think she might come back inside and stop this running thing she does so well. Then she shakes her head and keeps walking. “I’ll be backlater.”

Well, maybe I won’t behere!

Rachelle

The sun is setting as I walk down the beach. My melancholy mood hasn’t changed. I wish Blake could really take things slow, but I guess it really isn’t in him to doit.

It really isn’t in me to hurry things along either. I suppose we’re meant to be together since we both come from such opposite places. Opposites attract so the sayinggoes.

I kick the sand with my bare feet and wish I could fix myself. Any other woman would’ve jumped up and down when they got a look at that big, beautiful ring Blake wanted to giveme.

Not me though. Deep inside of me there was only one thought. I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve the ring, the money, nor the man. They’re all wonderful gifts that I am sure toruin.

The shieldI’ve built around my heart to keep it protected is being taken down a pebble at a time by Blake. When he goes all out and rushes forward, they go right back intoplace.

I thought the pebbles were gone, but they must’ve been lying around, waiting for a big gush of sentiment to come at me. Blake has flooded me with gifts this last week and I took them all like achamp.

It surprised me that I allowed him to give me so much. I jumped right on the band wagon with him. We can learn to be rich together, I thought. I do want to make a profitable restaurant anyway. I may as well learn how to havemoney.