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CHAPTER 1

MAXINE

“ F uck you!”

I jackknife up in bed. Feeling like the words were spoken just now but I know that’s not true. He’s not here. He can’t hurt me. But that doesn’t stop the memories from finding me in my dreams. It doesn’t matter that I managed to get away. I feel like I’m always going to be looking over my shoulder. I’ll never feel fully safe.

Which is why instead of trying to fall back asleep, I get up to double check the lock on the hotel room door and window before climbing back into bed. Pulling the blanket up to my ears like a shield, I can’t seem to close my eyes because every time I attempt to, I see him. I see his raised fist. I see the spit flying from his mouth as he screams at me.

I hear his voice radiating through the room. I feel the pain from where his blows strike me. Worst of all, he’s not the only person in my nightmares. There’s the times I’ve run to my mom telling her about it.

“I can’t marry him, he hurts me.”

“If you would just listen, then maybe he wouldn’t.”

I pull the blanket tighter as the tears run down my cheeks. None of them can hurt me anymore. They won’t find me, and if they do, I’ll make sure they regret it.

I barely slept, and by the time the sun is peeking out, I know I need to get back on the road. I had a plan when I left, this included trading my Mercedes in at a sketchy dealership for a Corolla. No one in my past explicitly said they had a tracker on me or my car, but my ex fiancé, Carson, always seemed to know where I was.

Better safe than sorry.

My escape had been planned for months and I wasn’t about to fuck it all up that easily.

I stopped last night about halfway from Texas to my destination—the pacific northwest. I’d spent months researching places at the local library when I could sneak away since I couldn’t risk my internet history being discovered.

After tossing a few things back into my bag, I check the window to make sure the coast is clear for me to quickly make my way to my car.

Once inside, I lock the doors and look around. I feel like I’m going insane with paranoia, but if there’s one thing I know, it’s that I wouldn’t put anything past my ex. Or my family. If there’s even the slightest chance of them finding me, they will.

Which is why I start the ignition, breathing out a sigh of relief when it starts and I take off toward my new home.

After driving for another couple of hours, I need to get gas. I hate stopping because every stop makes me uneasy. I do everything as quickly as possible. Bouncing on my toes as I watch the number on the pump get closer to the forty dollars I gave the attendant inside.

I jump slightly at the sudden noise as the pump clicks, signaling that it’s finished. After I put the nozzle back where it goes I look up, my eyes catching on a tall lean man, and my heart rate kicks up.

No. It can’t be him, he wouldn’t know I’m here.

When the man turns to the side I see his profile and I feel like I can breathe again. It’s not him, but it makes me jump into my car and drive off without looking back.

When people think of beach towns they think of sunshine, warm sand, and water. Not the Oregon coast. The end of January brings a chill to the air, the gray clouds covering the sky and the sun setting early in the day making the nights seem so much longer.

And it’s perfect for my new life.

My cash is limited, but it’s all I was able to take since I’m not able to use any of my credit cards. It’ll be enough to put a deposit down on the little rental I found and to cover a couple months rent, but I’m going to need a job. Something I’ve never had before.

Not sure who’s going to hire the newbie in town with no experience or work history to speak of, but I’m no stranger to talking my way into what I want. I hope that this won’t be any different.

By the time I arrive in Seaside, Oregon—my new home—it’s late. Everything is shut down as the darkness wraps itself around me. I’ll get the keys to my new home tomorrow, but tonight I’ll rent a room at a local hotel and enjoy sleeping close to the ocean.

Normally, I would have the patio door open to fall asleep to the sounds of the waves breaking on the shore, while inhaling the breeze that comes off the water sending the salty sea air through my room. But as I get into the room, I make sure every entry point is closed and tightly locked.

I can’t have the doors leading to the balcony open. I can’t listen to the waves or feel the breeze as I drift off to sleep. It doesn’t matter that I’m on the fifth floor, I can’t risk someone finding me and dragging me back home.

I’m not going back. I can never go back.

First thing the next morning, I meet up with my new landlord. She’s an older woman who’s standing outside my new rental as I pull up.

“Maxine?” she asks as I approach.

I bite back my reaction to that name and nod just once.

“So nice to meet you, Maxine. I’m Rhonda.” She shakes my hand and pulls out a keyring with a set of two keys attached. “Rent is due on the first of the month and please be respectful of the home.”

I nod in response.

“Come on, I’ll show you around.” She opens the front door for me and we both walk in.

As she gives me a tour of the modest home, she starts to ask some questions, “What brings you to Seaside?”

“Fresh start,” I answer, simply.

“It’s not the typical time of year that people come here, have you been here before?”

“Uh, no.” I shake my head. I know she’s trying to be nice, but my skin begins to feel itchy at all the questions but I don’t want to be rude by not answering.

“Oh interesting, and where did you say you’re from?”

I hesitate. “I didn’t. I’m from down south,” I answer vaguely.

“It’s a bit warmer there, I hope you won’t mind the cold.”

I give a small smile. “I’m sure I’ll get used to it.”

After we circle back to the front of the house, she announces, “That’s it.”

“Thank you.” I hand her the deposit money I owe to move in as she hands me the keys.

“Feel free to reach out with any questions.”

“Actually, I do have one…do you know anyone hiring around here?”

I see her cringe slightly, probably worried about my ability to pay rent if I’m asking for a job.

“Uh, hm, it is the slow season right now, but you can check in with George at The Tavern up the road, he may need some help. Ever worked in a restaurant or bar before?”

Instead of answering directly I say, “I’m a quick learner.”

She nods at my response, I can see her questions forming. I watch as she bites them back, choosing not to voice any of them, which I appreciate.

“Well, you have my number if you need me.” She sighs.

“Rhonda,” I call after her as she goes to her car. She turns around and I play with the keyring between my fingers. “Call me Max.”’

“Nice to meet you, Max.” She sends a wave in my direction before driving off.

Turning back toward the house, I take in the two story home. It’s not very big, it only has two bedrooms but seemed like the perfect spot for me. I open the front door and take it all in. This will be the first place I’ve ever lived by myself.

The quiet is both calming and unnerving. As the silence pierces through me, I can feel it wanting to pull the memories, and the pain to the surface—which is what makes the flashbacks start.

This is why I need distractions. First a job, and possibly a new hobby to make me find myself again. I just wish I knew what that was. I used to dance, but that’s not going to happen again. It only reminds me of my old life and I’m going to have to find something else to fit my new life.

Maxine is dead. But Max doesn’t know who she is yet.