Page 18

CHAPTER 18

Rodney

The library is blessedly empty today. Andry’s tutoring session is in a few minutes, and while I’ve gotten used to people seeing us together, having a few less eyes is a relief. The man has a legion of admirers. They track his movements like they’re logging them in some diary to look over later.

It’s kind of disturbing.

Really, I shouldn’t have expected any less. Aries’s fans are the same way. Since he’s now dating Raymond, they have become less forward, though they’re still around.

Andry is young, hot, and extremely talented. There is no chance of them not being as obsessive about him, if not more so.

I scroll my phone while I wait on the bench out front. He’s always right on time so I know it won’t be long. He had practice just before our session. I’m kind of hoping he gives me one of those massive hugs when he shows up. They’re amazing on their own. After a fresh shower though — yeah, it’s a whole thing. I love them.

A text from Andry pops up when there’s about five minutes left until he has to show up. I get a bit giddy about seeing his name pop up. That feeling immediately turns to dread when I see what he’s sent.

Andry: I’m not coming to the session. We’re done. With all of it. I don’t know what I was thinking being with someone like you. This was never going to work. Forget about me and move on. I’m blocking your number now. Don’t make this any worse by asking questions.

My body immediately goes numb. How can he say these things to me? How can he be so callous when he worked so hard to get me to trust him?

It doesn’t feel right.

And yet.

I double check to make sure he’s the one who sent the message. It’s definitely him. The last message before that was him telling me he missed me.

What could have happened in the last few hours to change his mind?

Was this all some elaborate joke like I originally thought?

Theories rush through my mind one after the other in a torrent of self-doubt. I can’t slow them down no matter how hard I try.

I realize I’m not breathing right either. It’s too fast. Too sharp.

My chest hurts.

Fuck.

Am I having a panic attack?

Pushing my head between my knees, I tell myself to calm the fuck down. I can’t allow myself to get all worked up over this right now. I’m in public. There aren’t a ton of people around, but word would travel fast if I let it get too far.

Once I know I’m not in danger of falling apart, I ease my breathing and slowly stand. I throw my bag over my shoulder, marching directly to the parking lot. A short drive later, I’m home and rushing through the door.

Ma is on the couch, one of her favorite reality tv shows on. She turns my way with a smile. “Hey, Carino. You’re home early.”

I shake my head, my voice lost to the pain. She frowns, but I ignore it as I rush up the stairs. I can’t face her right now. Answering questions will be too hard.

Alone.

I need to be alone.

The way I’ll always be.

* * *

My alone time only lasts a short while. I’m not sure how long it’s been since I turned my phone off and buried myself in bed the minute I reached my room.

But the sound of my brother’s footsteps in the hall tells me I’m out of time. The door creaks open a second later.

Aries drops onto the side of my bed, his big body making me roll forward towards him. He chuckles for a second before clearing his throat.

“Um, hey little bro. Ma called me. She’s worried something happened. Said I needed to get my ass over here. I ditched practice to come.”

I groan. “I’m fine.”

He tugs at the blanket covering my head. “No, you’re not.”

There’s no winning a fight against him in strength. He easily tugs it free, giving me a perfect view of his frowning face.

“Fuck. It’s worse than she thought. You’re a mess.”

“Thanks,” I say with an eye roll.

He shakes his head. “Sorry. Shit. I’m not good at this. Is it school? Did something happen?”

Tears swell in my eyes before I can stop them. I nod, burying my face in the pillow.

“Andry,” I whine against the fabric. It comes out muffled, but my brother picks up enough to let out a string of curses.

“I shouldn’t have let him into your life. Dammit. ” He grumbles something under his breath before speaking up loud enough for me to hear again. “Going to have a few words with the asshole. No one gets away with hurting you.”

“Not worth it. Just let it go.”

“What? Of course I won’t let it go. He hurt you. That’s not ok. Not unless you fucked up, which I know isn’t the case.”

I snort. “You have a lot of faith in me.”

“It’s not that. It’s the fact that you don’t have a mean bone in your body. There’s no chance you’ve done anything malicious or intentional to make him want to end it. He’s chosen to do this for some other reason.”

Knowing he won’t understand unless I show him, I power on my phone enough to pull up the text and hand it to him. I definitely blocked Andry like he requested, so there’s nothing else other than that last message.

Aries takes it, reading over the screen with a scowl. He does something else, but I’m too worn out to care. It’s not like my brother would intentionally embarrass me anyway. Him skipping practice to come support me is proof enough he cares.

“I’ll handle this,” he tells me. “You don’t worry about a thing. Except maybe telling Ma you’re not dying up here. The woman is in the kitchen cooking up all your favorites because she doesn’t know what else to do to help.”

Despite feeling like shit, I smile. We have the best mother in the world. Ok, she might be tied with Mama Bellport. She’s pretty awesome too from the few times I’ve met her.

“Let me shower, then I’ll head down,” I tell him once he hands the phone back. I shut it off again, then drop it on my nightstand.

“I’ll go down to give her a mini update. That way she won’t ask a ton of questions, ok?”

“Thanks, Aries.”

He pats my shoulder gently. “No need to thank me. What are big brothers for?”

I’m about to cry again simply from him being so kind. My emotions are far too ridiculous after this breakup.

Is it even a breakup? I don’t know what the hell is happening anymore. I’m not even sure what we were anymore.

Everything feels bleak, like I’ve been dreaming for weeks and now I’m back to real life, only to hate it even more because I got a taste of something good.

Ugh.

I hate feeling like this.

Aries leaves my room, shutting the door behind him. I find enough resolve to get out of bed and make my way to the dresser. My baggiest sweats and oversize sweatshirt are the optimal choice for when I’m feeling down.

The second I’m in the shower, I let out a gasp and let more tears fall. I pretend the water washes away the pain as I try to fortify myself for the people waiting downstairs.

I love my family. Really, I do.

But I know this is one of those times where I’m going to hate how much they care. I’ve never had a breakup like this. Never been heartbroken to my core. I’m not sure they know what to say or do.

Even if they do, I’m not sure how I’ll take it.

Things are so off-balance from a simple text message. I didn’t even know Andry had such power over my emotions until he ended things.

Part of me knows what it is though. It’s more than us breaking up.

It’s the loss of what I believed we had. The journey he’d offered me by wanting to be my Daddy. The hope he’d given me by seeing past what others had to give me a chance.

Gone.

Everything is gone now.

I’m not sure what to make of it.

Knowing my brother has no qualms about walking in the bathroom to get me if I take too long, I get clean and throw on the clothes. As I head downstairs, I prepare myself for the inquisition.

Instead of being bombarded like I expect, I find Ma and Aries sitting in front of the TV with soft smiles. It’s almost worse.

I try to give them one in return. From the expressions they wear, I suspect it’s more a grimace.

“Hey, Ma. Sorry about earlier.”

She waves her hand around. “None of that. Aries told me everything. No need to discuss it. Let’s eat and watch some movies.”

I sink into the space between them easily. They cover me with a blanket, then pass me a plate piled high with food. I choke out a laugh when it’s hefted on me.

“What in the world? I can’t eat all this.”

Aries bumps my shoulder. “You don’t have to eat it all. Do what you can. I’ll finish the rest. No need to let Ma’s talent go to waste.”

I smile a little at that. He’s right. No reason to not dig in.

These are people who love me, supporting me through this tough time even though none of us really knows what to do to make it better. Food and comfort are easy though. And they’re giving it to me without extra prodding.

The best kind of gift is to have people who understand you.

“What are we watching?” I ask as I shove a bite of rice and stew into my mouth.

I groan at the taste before swallowing. Ma beams at me, and Aries chuckles as he steals his own bite.

“Damn, woman. I swear it gets better every time.”

She swats at him behind my back. I know it’s teasing more than anything. She knows his language is never going to be perfect. Besides, it is enough to make me laugh, and that’s a win for us all.

We spend the next few hours floating between the least romantic movies on the planet. I’m talking about horror, mystery, and even a few thrillers. There’s not even a single kiss between any of them.

I’m thankful for it too. The idea of watching others be happily in love makes all the food in my stomach sit heavy.

By the time the last movie finishes, I feel renewed. It’s not that the pain is gone. More like it’s buried under the love I feel from my family. If nothing else in my life goes right, at least I have these two.

And the others too.

Raymond, Bellamy, Finn, and their network of people. I might not be as close to them, but I could be. They’re all open to being my friends. I’ve just got to accept their offers more.

I can’t hide behind my schoolwork anymore. That’s not the way to be happy. Not truly.

When I head to bed that night, I promise myself I’ll be better. I’ll try to socialize more. Really put myself out there.

Andry can’t possibly be the only person to want me. He’s just the first to prove to be worth my time.

At least until he wasn’t.

I’ll find someone else. Someone who truly wants me for the long run.

They’ll love me without breaking my heart. It’ll be the happy ending I deserve versus whatever the fuck I thought I had with a man who broke up with me via text.