Page 31 of Trophy

He was hot and tired and really just wanted to go to sleep, but Allison obviously wanted to cuddle, and he had no real problem with that.

She’d never been annoying after sex, like some of the women he’d been with.

She never wanted to talk endlessly or break down everything they could have done better.

He really wouldn’t mind lying like this with Allison—for the rest of his life.

He was almost asleep when he felt a shift in her body. Not much. Just a slight tightening. “Y’okay?” he mumbled.

“Yeah.”

“Need to go to the bathroom?”

“I’m okay.”

Something didn’t feel quite right with her, although he couldn’t identify what was triggering the feeling. “Tell me,” he demanded gruffly. If something was wrong, he wanted to fix it.

“Nothing’s wrong, Rob,” she said in a clearer voice. “I was just thinking.”

“About what?”

She hesitated a moment before she finally asked, “So you really haven’t had sex like that before?”

“What?” he asked, lifting his head briefly. He was startled and disturbed by the idea that she thought he was naturally rough in bed and that that was what had upset her. “Do you really think I’m some kind of caveman, going around and fucking random women until they scream their heads off?”

“I didn’t scream my head off.”

“Uh-huh.” He was distracted enough by this to smile a little.

“All right. I might have screamed a little.” She rolled over in his arms so she could lift her head and look down on him. “And I know you’re not some sort of rough caveman. I was just wondering about your past.”

He suddenly realized what she was asking and why she was asking, and his heart started sinking painfully. He’d just been appreciating the fact that she wasn’t like that, that she didn’t have conversations like this after sex.

“You really don’t want me to go into detail about how I had sex in the past, do you?” He tried to make the question light, but it came out a little defensive.

“No.” She sighed. She was sitting up now, with her legs folded beside her. “Of course not. You don’t even have to tell me about the sex. I just want to know something about how things were for you before I met you, and you almost never tell me anything.”

“That’s not true.” His postsex enjoyment was seriously disrupted now. He was annoyed and impatient and tightly anxious underneath that, like something he’d been ignoring was about to be revealed. He stretched out on his back and gave her a cool look. “I talk about my life all the time.”

Something flickered across her face, like she was regretting bringing up the subject at all.

But instead of acting on the feeling, she straightened her back and went on.

“You talk about school, and your parents, and your job, and all of the friends you have. You’ve never told me about your past relationships in any detail. ”

“I have.” This was going exactly where he didn’t want it to go—as surely as if she’d read his mind and discovered precisely what would make him most angry and defensive. “I told you Marie cheated on me and that Dee was never stable. What else do you want to know?”

“I want to know how you felt about that! I want to know about things you consider mistakes. And the only time you ever talk about anything connected to that is when you’re forced into it.”

“For God’s sake, Allison,” he groaned, closing his eyes and willing her to just drop the subject.

“I don’t think I’m asking anything unreasonable,” she said after a minute, her voice a little wobbly now. She was clearly getting upset. “I’ve told you everything about Arthur.”

She had. Over the past several weeks, she’d told him all kinds of intimate details of her marriage to Arthur. But that was different. It was entirely different.

He opened his eyes to see Allison, sitting on his bed beside him, wearing his shirt, her hair rumpled around her face and shoulders, her eyes huge and sober. She was beautiful and sexy and brave and resilient and so much stronger than she looked.

And she was saying exactly what his mother had told him last weekend. He could hear his mother’s voice in the back of his mind. And Allison’s, right in front of him.

He was trapped, frozen, starting to panic, so he did what he needed to do to get the voices to stop. He snapped, “You’re the one who wouldn’t even go on a date with me until last week. What exactly do you expect of me?”

She froze, completely silenced by his words.

Rob felt a wave of guilt as he watched the emotions slowly process on her face, and he felt like the biggest asshole in history. He’d known exactly where she was most insecure and he’d used it against her on purpose, just to get her to shut up.

“You’re right,” she said at last, the words no more than a breathless gasp. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“Shit,” he muttered, starting to sit up. “I’m sorry. Don’t be upset.”

“I’m not upset.” She wasn’t meeting his eyes, and she lay back down on the bed, pulling the covers up over her.

“Sometimes it feels like our relationship is a little… a little unbalanced. I’m always the needy one, and you’re always taking care of me.

But I shouldn’t have pushed like that. I’m sorry. ”

Rob’s mind was a torrent of emotions now, and he couldn’t sort them all out. But the dominant one was that he desperately needed to fix this.

He’d told his mother he was treating Allison right, and yet he had completely crushed her just now.

On purpose.

“I’m the one who should be sorry,” he said thickly, reaching over to turn her so she was facing him and then taking her hands. “I’m sorry I said that.”

“It’s really okay, Rob.” She gave him a wobbly smile. “I just want you to be able to talk to me, but I shouldn’t have pushed.”

“Don’t apologize again. You’re right. I should talk to you more.”

Her eyes widened, suddenly hopeful, and Rob gulped back another wave of deep anxiety. What the hell was he doing? He didn’t do this kind of thing. He didn’t show the world his dirty hands, all the mistakes and vulnerabilities and mess in his life.

He definitely didn’t tell Allison. All he wanted to do was take care of her.

She didn’t say anything. Just gazed at him, both of them on their sides on the bed.

She trusted him. He could see it so clearly. She believed he was going to do the right thing.

He wanted to. He wanted for him and Allison to love each other and enjoy each other and depend on each other. He wanted to trust her too.

He cleared his throat. “It’s just… hard for me to… to…” He had to take a jerky breath, so hard was this for him to say.

In the pause between his words, he heard his phone vibrate with an incoming text message. It was two o’clock in the morning, so the sound was unexpected enough to draw his attention.

Allison glanced up to the nightstand too. “You better check it,” she said quietly. “Something might be wrong.”

With a groan, he reached over to grab the phone. When he read the message, he had to smother another groan. It was a buddy of his, letting him know that Dee was drinking herself into a frenzy and that someone needed to come get her before she got in real trouble.

“What is it?” she asked.

“It’s Dee. She’s… she’s in trouble.” He was torn in about a dozen directions at once.

He knew he shouldn’t leave now. They’d been having a real conversation, one that meant something to Allison.

And to him. Just because he was afraid and vulnerable and feeling out of control didn’t mean he should just run away from it.

He knew it was wrong. Allison was far more important to him than Dee was.

But he also didn’t want to have the conversation they’d been about to have. It made him helpless, vulnerable. Out of control.

And he’d tried for so long never to feel that way anymore.

“I should probably go help her,” he said at last.

“Okay.”

He shot Allison a quick look. “I’m sorry.

Maybe there’s someone else who could…” He trailed off, because there was absolutely no one else who was willing to help Dee.

If he didn’t go, she would probably end up in jail.

That wasn’t reason enough to leave Allison now.

He knew it, but this was an escape route that he wanted to take.

“No, no. You go help her if she really needs someone.” Allison was sitting up again, and it looked like she meant what she was saying. “I’ll come with you.”

“No!” He hadn’t meant the word to come out so roughly, but there was no way he wanted Allison to witness what was waiting for him.

She pulled back slightly, clearly taken aback. “I just wanted to help you.”

“I know.” He leaned over to kiss her before he climbed off the bed. “I do appreciate it. But you stay here. I’ll be back as soon as I can. I’m really sorry.”

He found his clothes quickly and kissed her once more before he hurried out of the house.

He was conscious of a little tremor of a feeling underlying all the other ones coursing through him. He knew what it was.

Relief. Relief . That he could go help someone who needed it and feel more like himself.

That he could avoid that particular conversation he’d been about to have.

That he could once again be the person he’d always been.

About an hour later he came back home. He half expected Allison to be gone, but she was still in his bed, lying on her side under the covers.

He took his clothes off and climbed in beside her. He paused for a second. She wasn’t speaking or moving, but there was something about her body that made him sure she was awake. He scooted up behind her so he could spoon her.

“Is everything all right?” she asked after he’d wrapped his arms around her.

“Yeah. I took her home. She’s basically passed out, but she’ll be okay.”

“Is Cali all right?”

“She’s visiting her dad this weekend.”

Allison relaxed a little, and Rob couldn’t help but be touched that she’d been worried about the girl.

She didn’t say anything else, though, and after a while it started to worry him.

“Allison,” he murmured. “It feels like you’re mad at me.”

“I’m not mad.”

“I can talk things through with you, if you really want, but I’d rather not do it right now. I’m tired.” The night felt like it was endless. He couldn’t believe they’d had that amazing sex just a couple of hours ago.

“We don’t have to.”

He stroked her belly. “Do you mean that?”

“Of course. I shouldn’t have been so pushy.”

Rob relaxed. She sounded all right. He’d just be careful for the next few days, make sure she wasn’t upset with him. And he’d try to open up more with her so she didn’t think he was holding back.

Right now, though, he was exhausted, and he really needed to go to sleep.

Allison didn’t say anything else, and Rob was immensely relieved that he could finally close his eyes.