Page 26 of Triumphant Kings (Boys Of Kingston Academy #3)

Sadie

B eep. Beep. Beep.

The sound of steady beeping is all I’m able to comprehend as I slowly wake up. Blinking my eyes open, I stare up at a white ceiling. Without even looking around, I know exactly where I am.

I’ve been here before. For this exact reason.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I try to hold back the tears welling in them. My head is pounding, and my throat is raw, sore from puking until I literally passed out.

I’m so stupid. How could I let things get this bad again? I was doing so damn good. I shouldn’t have let Tina get to me; it only lets her win.

But it wasn’t just her. It was everything. There's only so long that I can shove all the stress of the world away and act like it’s not as big of a deal as it really is.

I just wanted things to be good so badly that I refused to accept that life isn’t easy.

I just wanted to be happy. To be with my guys without the world trying to bring us down.

Taking a deep breath, I blink my eyes open again and this time, I allow myself to look around.

A sob bubbles in my throat, and I have to swallow it down, careful not to wake the men around me.

All four of them are here. Of course, they are. I wouldn’t expect anything else.

Guilt consumes me. I’ve hurt them, caused them worry and pain they didn’t deserve.

Preston is the one closest to me, his head leaning against his arm as he sleeps. It’s only when my eyes land on where my hands are entwined that I see he’s holding me with an almost painful grip.

Fuck. He must have lost his mind when he found out. How could I do this to him again? Grayson is on my other side, leaning back in the hard wooden chair, head lying against his shoulder as he sleeps.

Declan is here too, curled up into a ball near Preston in one of the chairs.

“You're awake.” Collin’s voice startles me. I thought he was sleeping too. He stands up from where he was sitting on the windowsill.

He looks tired, with dark circles under his eyes and his hair a mess like he’s been running his hand through it.

“I’m sorry,” is all I’m able to rasp out, my lower lip wobbly.

“Shhh.” He rushes over to me. “Sunshine, you have nothing to be sorry about.”

“I do.” A sob slips free, and the others wake up. “I lied and kept things from you all after we promised not to keep secrets. I betrayed your trust. This is my fault.”

“Sadie.” Preston is getting to his feet, pushing his brother out of the way so he can cup my face. His normally stony expression is filled with anguish. “Fuck, baby, you scared me.”

“I’m sorry.” I blink, tears spilling down my cheeks. “I’m so sorry.”

Preston leans in, kissing me again and again like he thinks if he stops, he won’t ever get the chance to do it again.

“I thought I lost you.” He presses his forehead against mine, voice cracking.

“Seeing you like that again, lying on the ground, I’ve never felt fear like that before.

” He pulls back, more anger in his features now.

“You can’t do that shit, Sadie. I can’t lose you. I just fucking can’t. I–I...”

“You won’t lose me.” I place my hand over his. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry for scaring you. For scaring all of you.”

“Why?” Declan’s soft voice asks. He’s sitting on my bed, down by my feet. “Why keep— what are you keeping from us? What is this? What caused this?”

“Sadie,” Collin interrupts. “You need to tell them.”

“Tell us what?” Preston snaps, swinging a glare his brother's way. “I’m so fucking sick and tired of you knowing more than we do. You might be her husband on paper, but that doesn’t give you the power to withhold information about Sadie. She’s all of ours.”

“You can be pissed off at me all you want, but the fact is, I’ve been in Sadie’s life a lot longer than any of you.

I’m closer to her in ways you weren't, and I’m not going to be made to feel bad about that.

While you three decided to put your feelings towards her aside years ago, I never once gave up on her.

I kept tabs on her, I made sure she was safe and happy, the best I could.

So yes, I know things about her that none of you do.

And no, I didn’t tell you any of it because it’s not my place to do so.

This is Sadie’s life; she has the right to choose who knows and when information comes out.

” He looks at me. “I mean that. It’s your life.

Your choice. But I do believe that if this is going to work between us, the dynamic you want, they need to know. ”

“I know.” I nod, licking my chapped lips. My eyes flick over my other three men. “I’m going to tell you everything.”

They all watch and wait. I feel like crying again, feeling so open and raw.

Taking a deep breath in, I let it out slowly.

“Around the time you three started showing me attention back in high school, Tina had an issue with it. She didn’t like that not only one, but three of the richest guys in school were showing me interest and not her.

She made sure to make it her mission to remind me how unworthy I was.

That it was some kind of joke, or dare, because there’s no way guys like you would ever be into a sad little poor girl. ” I shake my head.

“I know I shouldn’t have let her words get to me, and for a while, I didn’t.

But when she became so persistent, picking on my body, my weight, it became harder and harder to ignore.

When you have someone always in your ear, telling you you're an ugly person and worthy of nothing, it’s hard not to start believing it.

” I swallow thickly. “I let her get into my head, and I started eating less, being picky about what I was eating. Well, it led to an eating disorder that really affected both my mental and physical health.” My eyes find Preston’s. “The tower,” I whisper.

“The night I found you.” His jaw is ground so tight, I’m afraid he might break a tooth. “You passed out because you were sick. But it wasn’t with the flu, was it?”

“No,” I whisper softly. “At that point, I was at my worst. I wasn’t eating, and the things I could eat, I didn’t hold down for long.

I was frustrated with myself that day and went to the tower to be alone.

My self-hatred was pretty bad at that moment.

I was so hungry I was shaking, dizzy, and seconds from passing out.

After crying and beating myself up over it, I forced myself to eat until I couldn’t stand it anymore.

Then...” Tears spill down my cheeks as I look away.

“Pretty much what happened today is what happened back then. I kept puking and couldn’t stop.

Until my body passed out and I was forced to. ”

I turn back to look at Preston, tears streaming down my face. “I’m so sorry you had to find me like that. I never wanted you to see me like that. For anyone to see me like that. I’m sorry for the pain it caused, the worry.”

“That was the worst moment of my life.” Preston wipes angrily at his eyes.

“Because even though I told myself I could never have you, I wanted you more than anything in the world. You were the only good thing in my life. Our moments in that tower,” he rasps, “they were the only thing that kept me going. The amount of times I was ready to just end it all.” He laughs, but it’s not a happy one as he tilts his head back to look up at the ceiling.

“But I couldn’t do it because all I could think about was you worrying why I stopped coming to the tower.

” He looks at me again, and we’re both crying now. “I couldn’t do it.”

“Preston.” I reach for him, taking his hand in mine as my heart breaks into a million pieces.

“Was it Tina? Did she cause this like last time?” Grayson asks, his own eyes red, voice shaky with emotion.

“Yes and no.” I wipe at my eyes. “At first, yes. It was easy to let her into my head again because it was hard to believe that you three would actually want anything to do with me. At least at the time. But the more time we spent together, I knew her words were lies. I believed what you all were showing me versus what a jealous, angry, hateful person said. I thought I was getting better. It didn’t get anywhere as bad as it was in the past.”

“So what caused it to get this bad?” Declan asks.

“This time, stress.” I shrug. “I’ve been so stressed with everything that's been going on. Not just recently, but since the beginning of the year. All of this.” I gesture between the group of us.

“It’s not easy.” I laugh softly. “But I don’t regret any of it.

It’s going to take work, and I knew it was worth every bit of it. That was manageable.”

“But ever since things with our father.” Collin growls.

“Yeah, pretty much.” I close my eyes.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Collin asks. “Why didn’t you come to us and let us help?”

“What more could you do?” I ask. “You’ve already been running yourself ragged to keep me safe.

I didn’t want to worry you. Everything was going so good with each of us, I just wanted to enjoy things.

I didn’t want to let that monster continue to have this hold over me and take the only good I had left in my life after already taking so much.

So, I shoved it down and tried to forget.

I threw myself into spending time with you guys and my friends until I wasn’t able to avoid it any longer. ”

“Don’t,” Preston growls. “Don’t do that again. We are in this together, do you hear me? Your problems are our problems. Your stress is our stress. Even if there's nothing that can be done about it, we still want to be there for you.”

“I know,” I answer shamefully. “I should have trusted you guys. I just...” I sigh. “I didn’t want to worry you, and then I ended up making things way worse.”

“Tina isn’t going to be an issue anymore," Preston says.

“What do you mean?” My brows furrow.

“She’s being kicked out of school as we speak,” Collin adds.

“Really?” I shouldn’t be this hopeful over it, but I can’t help the relief that floods me.